Proud to be GAE/Gay

HAIRY

Why do I always get paired with Edna, she’s

gay.

CHLOE

That’s not very nice, Hairy.

HAIRY

Seriously Chloe, there’s something I’ve been

wanting to sing to you about.

I THINK SHE IS GAY

CHLOE

What?

HAIRY

EDNA IS GAY

CHLOE

Why would you say something like that?

HAIRY

TOTALLY GAY

CHLOE

Don’t be such a bigot.

HAIRY

NO REALLY IT’S OK

CHLOE

You’re the one who’s gay, Hairy!

HAIRY

SHE SHOULD BE

HAIRY AND THAD

PROUD TO BE GAY

EDNA

What?!

THAD

PROUD TO BE GAE!

It’s the frat I’m hoping to rush next year,

Gamma Alpha Epsilon. Part of the Ritual is to

sing every time you answer the phone.

EDNA

Ritual, huh? I hope there’s paddling involved.

THAD

Me too! This is one of their sweatshirts.

EDNA

Yeah, I noticed that Thad...and that’s your

costume?

THAD

You’re one to talk, you always look like the

el’queeno of the dead.

EDNA

I am the queen of the dead. What’s so great

about a joining a frat anyway?

THAD

What’s so great about joining a frat?

EDNA

You’re not going to sing again are you?

THAD

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I FELT OUT OF PLACE

EDNA

Of course you’re gonna sing.

THAD

A FRIGGIN’ NOBODY WITH A NAMELESS FACE

NEVER WENT WITHOUT HAD EVERYTHING GIVEN

BUT LET ME TELL YOU THAT AIN’T NO WAY TO MAKE A LIVIN

EDNA

So you think joining a frat is going to help,

huh?

THAD

Sure. When I graduate I’m finally gonna be

somebody.

EDNA

A beer funneling ogre?

THAD

You know Ed, I have feelings too.

EDNA

Oh, really?

THAD

Yeah. When I visited the college I was really

scared.

EDNA

Of what?

THAD

Being myself. You know, all through high school

I pretended to be someone else.

EDNA

Well, I know what that’s like.

THAD

And when I was touring the campus I started to

get scared of leaving this town.

I FILLED IN THE SPACES ON MY COLLEGE FORMS

I FELT THERE WAS MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST FRESHMAN DORMS

I NEVER QUITE FIT IN WITH THE USUAL CROWD

SO I ASKED AROUND AND YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND

EDNA

No, Thad what?

THAD

A BROTHERHOOD OF GUYS WHO FELT THE SAME WAY

IF I WAS A MEMBER I’D BE

PROUD TO BE GAE

EVERY SINGLE DAY

PROUD TO BE GAE

THERE’S GOT TO BE A WAY

PROUD TO BE GAE

I HOPE AND I PRAY

THAT I WILL BE TRUE TO ME

CAUSE I CAN’T SEE MYSELF ANYTHING BUT GAE

HAIRY

I’m telling you Chloe, Ed is a gay homosexual.

CHLOE

Why does it matter anyway?

HAIRY

She’s your best friend, dude. I can’t believe

that you’ve never seen it. Has she ever come

out to you?

CHLOE

No.

HAIRY

Really? Hmmm.

CHLOE

What?

HAIRY

If you were gay you could tell me, you know.

CHLOE

What!?

HAIRY

Seriously Clo, you can come out to me and I

will be totally cool with it.

CHLOE

I’ll keep that in mind and don’t call me Clo,

you know I hate that.

HAIRY

Sorry. You’ve never seen the way Ed looks at

you?

CHLOE

What do you mean? How does she look at me?

HAIRY

The same way that Thad looks at you.

CHLOE

Where is all this coming from?

HAIRY

AS FAR BACK AS GRADE SCHOOL I KNEW SHE WAS FRUITY

SHE’D PLAY THE PRINCE TO YOUR SLEEPING BEAUTY

CHLOE

That was pretend.

HAIRY

WHEN WE PLAYED HOUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS THE FATHER

CHLOE

That’s true.

HAIRY

SOMETIMES AN UNCLE AND SOMETIMES A BROTHER

AND I KNEW THEN WHAT I THINK I KNOW NOW

SHE IS DIFFERENT FROM THE GIRLS IN THE CROWD

CHLOE

Yeah...

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYIN

I WAS CHASING BOYS WHILE SHE HID HER GAYIN

BUT THERE WAS ALWAYS A GLEAM IN HER EYE

I NEVER COULD PUT MY FINGER ON WHY

MAYBE WHEN YOU’RE TOO CLOSE THINGS GET IN THE WAY

HAIRY

I’M TELLING YOU

SHE IS TOTALLY GAY

CHLOE

Oh my God, you’re right!

HAIRY

EVERY SINGLE DAY

CHLOE

How come I never saw it?

HAIRY

IF YOU WERE GAY

CHLOE

I’m not Hairy!

HAIRY

THAT WOULD BE OK

CHLOE

Jesus, Hairy!

I AM NOT GAY

HAIRY

I’m here for you dude.

CHLOE

NO FRIGGIN’ WAY

HAIRY

If you ever wanna talk about it.

CHLOE

I AM NOT GAY

HAIRY

Not yet anyway.

CHLOE

PLEASE GO AWAY!

CHLOE, THAD, EDNA

I JUST HOPE AND PRAY

THAT I WILL BE TRUE TO ME

THAD AND EDNA

CAUSE I CAN’T SEE MYSELF ANYTHING BUT GAY