i dont care what step of the program i'm supposed to be in, i don't owe any of you an apology.  Whatever I did, I must have had a damn good reason. 

To the guy who took a shot at me in the shaky's parking lot on Santa Monica last thursday, I don't apologize for tripping your kid, because I didn't do it on purpose to begin with.  Even though he was making a racket on the damned whack-a-mole machine while I was trying to watch the game - the machine wasn't even working, for chrissakes.  Any kid old enough to sit on the big-boy chair should have the brain capacity to understand when a coin-operated machine is out of order.   But no, your wunderkind thought it best to take the foam hammer and smash the shit out of the machine, screaming with whatever rage he must have suppressed by having you as his white trash father.    Nice parenting letting him wander the resturaunt to annoy the rest of us so you could finish your pitcher of domestic swill, you neanderthal.   Anyway, he tripped because his shoelaces were untied.  Maybe instead of taking a swing at me you should be out finding a third job to get the kid some velcro, asshole.   Ok, so maybe I said a few things I shouldn't have but I doubt it's nothing the little darling can't hear at home once you've knocked back a few.   I doubt he even knows what an abortion is, anyway.

To that "woman" who kicked me outside the frolic room on hollywood boulevard, you don't own the sidewalk just because you use it as a business office.  I'll thank you to keep your stretched-out high heels on the floor of some john's chevy impala, where they belong.  it's a free country - i can pass out anywhere i damn well want to.

To the make a wish foundation, screw you bastards sideways.  I never said I'd actually visit the kid.  I don't do burn victims, sorry.  You didn't want me there - one peek and I woulda yacked all over the place.  I can barely watch CSI let alone carry on a conversation with a human mcnugget.  besides, I sent him a glossy and a box of ring dings.  Maybe I forgot to sign the glossy but his parents are just gonna put the damn thing on Ebay once he kicks, anyhow.

hold on, phone...

gotta run, im late for a card game -

w