I heard Tom has a small winky..

hey everybody...guess what?  I was flippin through the paper the other day, and i found an article that pertained to Bestiallity...or as we here in the Navy like to refer to it as "Interspecies Erotica".  Anyway  the article was about this one guy named Tom.  "Hmmmmm" I said to myself....."Tom"  but anyway on with the story...The article Read that apparently this man who allegedly goes by the name of "Tom"  (or so they say)  was caught trying to fire of some "knuckle children"  while lickin a Horses Asshole.  Now I know what your thinking.  WTF?!? mayte',  Cause i sure as hell was thinking the same goddamn fucking thing.  But apparently (Due to Toms Distorted Grandure, he Had mistaken this "horse" (so they say) as what we here in the Navy  ( and other parts of the World, except Africa, as a "Fat ass Bitch".  Apparently this "Fat ass Bitch" was  "not in the mood"  or Quote un-quote "Dealin wit da Dirties"  Anyway she...er....it turned around and mistaken...Quote un-quote "Tommie Boys Whisker Biscuit"  as a wrongfully processed Vienna Sausage...  (you know, The small weenies?)  The outcome of this tragic event left Tom with irrepreable damage to his Jollies, not to mention his emotional Laceration, that might i remind you he did not want, but definetly deserved, and Quote Un-quote "A bad case of the Squat Rot"  now Tom lives out in the woods...and hides in the trees...(although you and me both know that theres not a goddamn tree in those woods big enough to hide the Shame and Embarrassed......"Tom"....