I just heard a truly alarming statistic.  Did you know that every 24 seconds in this country, someone with a British accent raises awareness?

It's true.  And it's wrecking our country.

Take the case of Emily, a 27-year-old secretary from Illinois.  She started at a young age, going to a simple Pink Floyd concert.  She told herself she could stop at anytime.  But then came Sinead, and then U2, then Coldplay, then U2 again.  By the time she realized what was going on, she had so many ribbon magnets on the back of her car, she couldn't even find the keyhole for her trunk.

Three weeks later, they found the spoiled remains of her groceries.

But I remain convinced that if we join together now, right now, we can do something.  We have to do something.  How can these people call it awareness, when I'm wearing so many plastic bands on my wrist that I can't even see what time it is?

Stop the awareness, America.