Welcome to another episode of
The Neurotic Writer
(Just for laughs)

Suzie Writer: “Doc! I think I was bitten by a very HOT vampire! I hope he
didn’t turn me. Do you think I would look good hanging upside down like a
bat? I don’t think I so. What do you wear when you're hanging by beam?”

Therapist: “Before you go getting yourself all upset, remember you once
thought you showered with a werewolf.”

Suzie Writer: “No I didn’t. I snuck out the window to come see you while
the werewolf was showering. Gee! You don’t have a very good memory,
do you? Anyway, I met this vampire at a party last night. I think I attract
these men because I am one of the few who believes in the paranormal.
Like I said, Doc, he was HOT!”

Therapist: “A Halloween party? (Her eyes glaze over with a memory from
her distant past.) I suppose this vampire wore a long, black cape with
a collar shadowing his strong, square jaw.”

Suzie Writer: “No. He was dressed as Hannah Montana. If he dressed
as a vampire people might figure out his secret. But I have to tell you; it
was oddly erotic to have a man wearing a long, blonde wig sucking on your
neck.”

Therapist: “Just because a man sucks on your neck does not mean he is
a vampire.”

Suzie Writer: “It does if he declines your garlic olive and peanut butter
appetizers, avoids sitting in the bean bag chair beneath the cross on the
living room wall, and then sinks his fangs into your neck. (She moves her
hair back away from her neck for the therapist to inspect.”

Therapist: “(Taking a closer look.) Those are mosquito bites. There’s a third
one behind your ear.”

Suzie Writer: “Oh. Never mind. (Stares at the ceiling for a long moment.)
You know. I think the real Bill Clinton was at the party last night. He
wouldn’t stop playing with his cigar and he chased some poor girl wearing
a blue dress.”

Therapist: “Sounds like Clinton to me.”