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Ostara Moon )O(



Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 39
City: Akron
State: Ohio
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/19/2005

Who Gives Kudos:


September 15, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  disappointed
Category: Life
I started this thread the other day on Facebook, and it got a lot more of a reaction than I thought it would, so Charla and I decided it might make interesting blog fodder.

What is it with women or young girls who take such pride in referring to themselves as "bitch"?  Last I heard, when used to describe anything other than a female dog, "bitch" was a derogatory term.  

This, basically was the gist of my thread, and one commentor made the point that "it's only a word".  I loved Charla's response to it.  Let me find it so I can copy and paste it.

"Just a word like toaster or template? If I call you a template will you throw a punch? If I scream toaster at you will you be offended? If I spit the word cuddle, is it offensive, Steve?"

Personally, I find this word demeaning and don't generally use it in reference to myself.  I equate it to the whole "just me" thing I ranted about a few months ago.  Truly, I don't understand those who do.  I don't understand the glory of being proud of being referred to that way or even of calling one's self such a thing.

When I was young, it was always a bad word, and my dad would have beaten my ass if he ever heard me say it.  When did it lose its stigma?  When did any bad word lose its stigma?  

Don't get me wrong...  I swear as much as the next person.  I probably drop the f-bomb more than any other word I use, but I guess my point is more about the use of these words to demean one's self.  Others too, I suppose.  

Your thoughts?
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Down Neck Born and Raised

 
I work with drug addicts.  A lot of the women I see have such a strong reaction to the word that they will practically get up to punch someone out... (so much for rap songs thinking it's okay to call their women bitches)  Anyway, I actually to have to desensitize them to realize it IS just a word and that the meaning and offensiveness is their own perception of the word itself.  I have to model the behavior.  So when one of them calls me a bitch (or, better yet, a f***ing bitch) I smile and say "thank you, I try hard."  I have had women in group say "how can you take that? he called you a bitch!"  and I tell them it's just a word.  It only has the power that you give it.  Of course some of them never get it (make that a lot of them, sigh), but some do and learn not to react so much and that spreads out to other areas of their lives.    
 
Posted by Down Neck Born and Raised on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 2:54 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
I mean, yeah, you wouldn't want anyone over reacting to it and getting ready to take someone out for saying it, but I think it's... I don't know... wrong.  I see where you're coming from and why you handle it the way you do.  I don't criticize that... I guess what I regret is that it's necessary.
 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 2:58 AM
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Down Neck Born and Raised

 
it comes from the feelings a person relates to the word.  And feelings come from thoughts, subconscious and conscious.  When you change the thoughts, you change the feelings and there goes the hot-wire to the word.  But I totally get where you're coming from.  Accepting that a nasty name is acceptable makes it fair game for the not-so-nice to use it exactly the way it means and then come back with the excuse "but she calls herself that!"
 
Posted by Down Neck Born and Raised on September 16, 2009 - Wednesday - 2:05 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
I just think no good comes from desensitizing things.  Then we have to up the ante in order to shock folks.

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 16, 2009 - Wednesday - 2:45 AM
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Tyler Myrth

 
Words change there context - when I was a lot yonger "up tight" was a good thing to be. If you were up tight on your math you were going to get an A - not so much anymore.
 
Posted by Tyler Myrth on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 9:01 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
They do, and, to me, this is an unfortunate thing.  I guess, to me, it's unfortunate how people need to keep pushing the envelope to find something even more offensive.  Like, one day, it will be acceptable to just walk up and shoot someone because they looked at you funny.
 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 12:04 PM
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Greg

 
Somewhere in the 80's and 90's the dictionary of words completely changed meaning. Remember when "far out" was cool? And so it goes...

 
Posted by Greg on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 10:28 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
and I remember when "queer" meant "odd", and "gay" meant "happy."  All unfortunate victims of word abuse.
 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 12:04 PM
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Charla

 
I see your point, too, Down Neck.  Its hard to find a happy medium.  I just think its sad that society has accepted this as a word that can be played on prime time TV and used on the radio.  I won't let my kids use it because I find it offensive and derogatory to women.

 
Posted by Charla on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 12:00 PM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
and, because of our lovely conversation both on email and on FB, you know that I agree 100%.
 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 15, 2009 - Tuesday - 12:05 PM
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Charla

 
It is lovely conversation, isn't it?

 
Posted by Charla on September 16, 2009 - Wednesday - 12:01 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
it is.  I'm so glad we took that up.

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 16, 2009 - Wednesday - 1:07 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
Well put, and I couldn't agree with you more. 

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 16, 2009 - Wednesday - 3:42 AM
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Troy, the Anti-Social Socialist

 
I kind of miss the old days when a bitch was just a ho.  (I'm glad you can't throw anything at me.)
 
Posted by Troy, the Anti-Social Socialist on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 1:47 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
hahahaha...

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 10:58 AM
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Mid Eville

 
When it turned into an acronym:
Babe In Total Control of Herself.

It's a statement of power. A refusal to be steamrollered by the whims of others and flattened by the vagaries of life. A declaration of personal independence.

And yes, sometimes an excuse for behaving badly. ;-P

 
Posted by Mid Eville on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 9:16 AM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
funny how no one ever puts the dots in between the letters.  I don't subscribe to that thought. 

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 10:59 AM
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Mid Eville

 
Ah, but you did not ask to be convinced it was good, just why they do it.


I personally think it has validity in certain situations and it is deeply offensive in others. It all depends on context. For example, if someone is trying to manipulate me or publicly humiliate me, I would absolutely pull out the bitch card to defend myself. Would I tolerate anyone else refering to me as one? Hell no. The only exception I can think of is if I was feeling vulnerable and it was someone who clearly cared about me and was using it in a way to help me remember the power I still have.

 
Posted by Mid Eville on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 12:43 PM
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Ostara Moon )O(

 
No harm in bringing one's inner "bitch" out to play when necessary.  That's not my gripe at all.  I just don't feel it's right to refer to each other that way.

 
Posted by Ostara Moon )O( on September 17, 2009 - Thursday - 11:13 PM
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Cris

 
It's all a matter of your value set--what gets to you; what doesn't.  Some people find it offensive.  That's ok, too.  I'm with Mich.  It's a word.  It has as much power as I give it.  That's one I don't choose to weigh heavily.

If someone calls me a bitch my response is, "Yes. You're point being?"  It deflects the situation and completely throws off the person throwing the word out there.  The point of an insult is to startle and upset yes?  If I agree I've just completely undermined that.



 
Posted by Cris on September 26, 2009 - Saturday - 3:41 PM
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