This is from a Valentine's Day card I wrote my friends a while back -- maybe 2004? Just dug it up and had forgotten all about it... I figure today's a good day to tell my friends how much they mean to me.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY DAVID DOESN'T HAVE A HUSBAND
10. Spends too much time at the gym
9. Is waiting for that contract with Cameron Mackintosh to come through
8. Steve Miller has spoiled him for the company of other men
7. Works for [day job company] and is afraid he can't handle any more happiness in his life
6. Still trying to find man who is chocolate-flavored
5. Obsessive discussion of Cathy Thompson's breasts on first dates
4. Model with built-in DVR still on backorder at Best Buy
3. International Male wardrobe off-putting and intimidating
2. Brad Pitt hasn't responded to his phone calls, letters, emails, faxes, singing telegrams, flowers, and boiled rabbits
...and the #1 reason why David doesn't have a husband...
1. With friends like YOU, who needs more love anyway!?