man...ok..so i havent been blogging...and...lately...feeling's been weird...i dont know what im feeling...i have talked to yvonne about this...and..now...all i wanna do is just....hate her...and...just..forget about her...but..nothing is working....it's making me pissed...

you know...everytime i see you...everytime...that we are together...the feelings that you show me...makes me..i dunno...like you more?...i really dont want that....all these are all wrong man...i wish you know of how im feeling towards all these...and towards you....i have been having so many dreams of you...i have lost count of how many too...

these feelings you leave me...makes me even more confused...as to whether...it is ok for me to like you...and...i have known of how you feel towards me liking you....

you feel disgusted....with me...i dont blame you...but...at least respect me....and up til now...i dont know if you do respect me at all...you seem to show your care and concern...but i dont know if that is coming from a real place...or for just wanting to show it to me...so that i will see the good side of you...which is which?

i wanted to tell you everything just now....just spill it out...but you know...doing it over msn...isnt quite the best place to do it...but..you wanted me to tell you what's troubling me...how do i tell you? where do i even start? that i have liked you....for almost 4and a 1/2 years? that is so gonna shock you....

i thought i could forget you...but...some people just had to remind me...of you....yea...loads of thanks to that person...you really helped me a lot...kudos to you...

i thought i could really forget you..naqiah...until..i had that stupid dream....almost 4 weeks ago...im still thinking...why i had that dream now...and not 4 years ago...but..i dont wanna think too much...it;s just gonna affect me more...

i need 2 people's support...yvonne...and...aslinah...but..i know they do give me support...they know very well of this...and...i know they respect me...so...i can really trust them...

yvonne's told me a lot of things about naqiah...i was hoping that i'd be able to hate her...with all that yvonne's said...but...no...i still like her...

im so screwed...i wanna get over her...but i cant...she's the 1st person that i ever liked...im doomed...

shawna

any advice? please do let me know...