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My last day in Maz I decided to try some bad Mexican sushi and follow it up with a really really scary hamburguesa. I always talk about eating stuff that defies sanity, logic etcetera, but I was time to put my money where my mouth is. Which would inevitably lead me to put my mouth where el tolieto is.
Before I expound on the subject of bad Mexican Sushi and otherwise, I want to make sure you know that there is lots of good Mexican food out there. I love the food here, everthing has so much flavor. There are many many good, clean places to eat. I have found one local joint that I go to everyday. Even amongst the sushi genre there are many clean, high quality places to go with fresh, delicious fish. I went to none of them.
I purposefully went to the place with only one table (metal picnic bench) and the people who worked there looked as suprised as the people walking by that someone was actually eating there. I was pretty nervous. They were so excited by an actual customer that they brought me out TWO bottles of the milky brown substance that was supposed to be "soy sauce." the drink they brought me was sugar water as far as I could tell. I thought "there is something wrong with this sugar water." Actually it was fine, I think I'm just not used to drinking sugar.
It didn't look like they had anything fresh, but there were lots of safe choices on the menu: California Rolls and lots of other rolls that didn't contain any raw fish. I ordered none of these. I ordered the Sashimi. Pure raw fish. None of that rice to buffer it "exotic" flavors. Let's just say I as much as I could stomach. I didn't think it would be too polite to yack all over the guy's only table. As I left he offered me more tea...so that's what it was...
The main reason I went in search of bad Mexican sushi is so that I could tell some of the many bad mexican sushi jokes I have been accumulating in my mind. Whether the "bad" refers to the sushi or the joke... I'll leave that up to you. How can you tell youv'e had bad Mexican Sushi????.......you can't but the coronor can. BADUM CHING!
So after that extravaganza I needed to wash it down with greasy-streetside-stand-burger. So walked up to this place; it looked decent enough, if a little sparse. I order my hamburguesa and coke and watch and wait. While there may be some of you wondering why I would want to eat a hamburger in Mexico, I must say they are one of my favorite foods here. Americans take other countries favorite food and mutate it and sometimes improve it, sometimes not. I'm a big big fan of American pizza for example. So it should be OK for Mexico to take our hamburgers and use fresh bread (both sides grilled and very greasy), lots of spices (sometimes peppers), wide and thin patties, and really good cheese. I did not have one of these, however.
While my burger was cooking the lady sent a boy away with a plastic cup. Awhile later he came back and it was filled with ice for my drink. Wow, I thought, that was really nice. So she pulls a can of Coke out the clear-doored refrigerator and hands it to me. This is when I got gradually less impressed. I realize she had to give me ice because the fridge doesn't actually work. Then I saw the pile of hamburgers inside the fridge that doesn't work. At first that didn't bother me too much either because the hamburgers were already brown, maybe they didn't need too much cookin' or something. Then I started to think, I am going to eat un refridgerated brown meat. I mean it was brown when it was totally raw, and I don't think it was from ghetto sushi soy sauce either.
I was actually pretty grossed out, and it usually takes alot to gross me out. I bit into the hamburger and it was really pretty disgusting. It tasted like rotten sasauge, which is my way of saying, I ate it all. After I fleed the Burger Stand of Death I had a sudden desire to go swimming in the ocean. I thought maybe if I violated the half hour rule, I would throw up or die or whatever the consequences may be. I thought the worst thing that could happen was that I would digest the sushi and burger.
But I came out of it OK. I believe that you should occasionally put yourself on the brink of death. My body always has it's defenses up. It never knows when brutal punishment is right around the corner. That's why I'll never get sick. But if I should die before the week is out, eat some raw fish and brown meat for me! Bien Apetit!
4:16 AM
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