THE Stephen Colbert? TELEVISION'S Stephen Colbert?
 

ha! wish you further success bro
 

I'm all for the orphans... Sign me up
 

My family was killed by a pack of wild orphans.

-1 book sale.
 

Im so proud :)

♥Crystal
 

I'm regretting more and more ordering it along with "Lockdown America" for free shipping. Now I have to wait an extra week. But it will be a truely mind-blowing combo of your writing and a book about what is wrong with the police. It is the only logical combination of reading I can think of.
 

To answer your question, I'm not anal, just detail-oriented.

oh wait, never mind---now, about those orphans.....
 

Plus, did I hear right? Every time your book sells an Angel gets his wings?
 

I'll expect thank you cards from those 2 orphans I've helped. And there better not be any porridge stains on the paper. ;-)
 

You should go on the Colbert Report to endorse it,

and stuff...
 

I will buy this book
 

I don't know, some of those essays sound like they're dirty. I don't think I could handle it.
 

You had me until the orphans. I will not let those porridge munchers get a cent of my money.

Sex Mahoney for President
 

I don't know, man. I mean, Kevin Smith would've offered $5,000 to orphans AND an autograph on every book. I think I need you to kiss my ass just a tiny bit more.
I'll end up getting it anyway, but that's not the point.
Sweeten the deal, eh?
 

Are we talking Dickensian orphans?
If yes, there will be another book sitting in my bedroom collecting dust soon.
 

I am looking forward to your blowing all over my face...
 

I have rigorously studied The Complete Idiot's Guide to Meeting People More Famous Than You, and I believe I'm prepared for the book signing tour. It shall be fun!
 

I think you're lying. THE Stephen Colbert would NEVER say that.
 

they are selling your book together with David Sedaris in the special offer thingy... makes you go hmmmmm
By the way the real money is at The View. Go on the View to promote your book, then start a fight between Elisabeth and someone on the show, like Joy or Whoopi. It will be all over the news for weeks.
 

I. Can't. Wait.
 

I want to order this book so hard.

p.s. I want to read it as well.
 

I can't wait to pork your book
 

Hmm, one question before I donate my money to the filthy orphans:

Will this book be fuckable?
 

I could murder stephen colbert in cold blood and feel absolutely no remorse- The offers on the table.

Your move, Mr. Black.
 

Haha. "Sure, he basically called me retarded but he also said the book was genius." Now, that's what I call funny.
And I like your orphan bit. Clever :]
 

Colbert has nothing on you baby. And I mean baby in the most raunch derogatory way possible.
 

Colbert has nothing on you baby. And I mean baby in the most raunch derogatory way possible.
 

Written by Tucker Max, and I can't fuckin wait:

Sunday, July 13, 2008

"I am going to fight Michael Ian Black

If you have been paying any attention at all to popular culture for the past decade, I am sure you know who Michael Ian Black is. If the name doesn't ring a bell, you almost certainly recognize his face, he is the only commentator on all those VH1 flashback shows who is actually funny, instead of just annoying.

Anyway, Michael has a new book out, and as a way to publicize it, he has challenged me to a fistfight. Here is what he said:


So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker - I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU'RE DEAD.
You can read the rest on his blog.

Michael, I have no problem helping you get the word out about your book (which I haven't read but hear is pretty funny). But there is price to pay for trying to publicize it on the back of my popularity:

I accept.

I'm completely serious. I'd LOVE to fight you.

I'll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I'll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight--20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don't think I'm drunk enough, I'll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I'll fight you.

And here's the kicker: If you beat me, I'll give you the next royalty check from my book. It should be about 150k, give or take agent fees and other things. I am completely serious.

We don't even have to make this a bet. You win, you get the money. I win, I get nothing (except the satisfaction of standing over your broken, bleeding body and drunkenly yelling at you, "GET UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY! GET UP AND FIGHT!," or something to that effect, since I'll be drunk I can't quite predict what my words will be, or that they will even be enunciated or understandable).

Email me and let's set the time and place: tuckermax@gmail.com

And just to be clear: This isn't personal. I think you are a funny comedian, and I really respect your work. I'd much rather kick the shit out of someone who deserves it, like Benji Madden or Brody Jenner. To that effect, I promise when I kick your ass, I'll do my best not to leave any permanent damage."

Please, please, please fight Tucker...and when he's standing over what's left of you, please astound us with more of your quick wit that we've come to love on the "I love the 80's" re-runs.
 

hmmmm...whose going to be blowing on whose face? well whatever the case it sounds like fun to me