I'm not sure if I'm understanding them more,
or if I'm understanding them less.

I try not to be emotional.
I try not to feel pain.

But I have these sudden bursts of emotion that I cannot contain.
And sometimes I feel dead and cold on the inside.

Zoning out is the only way I'm able to not get attached to people,
and it's sthe only way I'll block out most emotions.

I tell myself not to feel anything.
Mostly just the unwanted feelings.

I give myself a type of motivations, such as: Pain is only a pulse.
Which I try to use whenever I have to do something risky or something that hurts.

Or, I tell myself to be LOGICAL about things.
Which I try to use in most everyday situations.

It's helped me a bit.
It's kept my emotions intact.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
I'm not even paying attention.