This didn't really seem appropriate for Small Time TV, so I thought I'd post it here.

I'm a miserable person. I don't want to be like this, but nobody seems to understand -- they seem to think I'm happy the way I am. That is not only untrue, but insulting. What tortures me is my lack of ability to do something about it -- I just don't have the willpower to get out of this funk I've been in for the better part of a decade.

And now, as of tonight, I'm out of Prozac. My psychopharmacologist even gave up on me. I can't afford to see my regular doctor, which is a problem because I suspect I have some major medical problems that should have been dealt with a long time ago. I stopped seeing my shrink in June because I was getting far too much guilt from my parents about my lack of progress. The meds seem to have stopped working a long time ago anyway.

I don't know what to do... I'm afraid to get a job, because I fully expect to get fired at some point, and I don't think I'm really all that good at anything anyway. I can't just get a random McJob because it would make me feel even worse than I do now, but at the same time I don't have enough skills in any other regard to do anything except fake my way through. Self-starter? The very idea scares the crap out of me, because I never finish what I start.

I really don't know. I'm 31, my life is as close to the gutter as it can possibly be without me being homeless, and there doesn't seem to be a damn thing I can motivate myself to do about it.