"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." -- John Tudor

I used to really enjoy blogging on MySpace, but every since "they" changed so many things it's a real pain in the ass.  See, I like to write my entry using Microsoft Word, so I can edit it and spell check it and all that jazz. Then after it's nice and cleaned up I copy it, I paste it and back in the day that would be that. But, now with whatever "they" changed in the blog section, it's insane to try and copy and paste anything without having to toy with it twelve times. I hate it and that's why I'm going to begin to look for a new place to blog because I can't stand the lackluster way this thing looks anymore... But, for now I digress...

So, earlier tonight Mike and I went to go get coffee, as Mikes and Stephanies are wont to do and after Mike placed our order (A grande iced decaf soy latte for me and a grande apple chai for him) we pulled up to the drive-thru window. We waited. We chatted. And then one of the CoffeeDudes walked up to the window and began the payment portion of our transaction... And that's when the CoffeeDude says to Mike "So, there's a rumor going around that you guys are either expecting or are trying to have a baby..." Upon hearing this my head explodes and I turn to Mike in horror because I can assure you not only are we not expecting a baby, we sure as hell aren't trying to have one. Also, I can't have one, so as fun as trying might be, it wouldn't be trying because there's nothing to try for. Also, we don't want one, be it brought by doctor or stork. So, while I sat there horrified, Mike said "I think you must have us confused with some other couple." CoffeeDude didn't say anything for a while and then he said "I think it's because you always order decaf..." Mike turned to me and I looked at him and said "Do I look pregnant?!" He said no. And so did CoffeeDude who was clearly listening to us, instead of you know... getting our coffee. Mike turned to him and just looked at him and quickly enough he left to get our drinks. Mike looked at me again and looked pissed. I, on the other hand, was too busy wondering if I had ever been through the drive-thru while wearing a particularly poofy sweatshirt or hoodie because I have never in my life had someone, much less, many someones speculate about the current state of my reproductive status...

Wait a...

Okay, no this has happened once before. Way back in Jr. High, which is such a weird name for middle school, this happened to me. See, I had left my tiny little private school and had gone to a horrible college prepatory school, I was supposed to remain there through middle school and high school and then go on to some intense and renown college where I could bring honor to my family or some such nonsense, needless to say I loathed it there and eventually was granted permission to leave the aforementioned child jail... For another different, but in no way better, child jail. I hated this school just as much but it was far, far easier to slip between the cracks at the new school. Except at this new school I stuck out like a sore thumb, whether it was my choice of clothing (too expensive) or my parents' cars (too big, too black, too Mercedes) I didn't fit in and I had a hell of a time dealing with the kids that I was supposed to fit in with. AT any rate, I ended up barely fitting in and hanging out with a small group of people and towards the end of Eighth grade I began to feel less concerned about what people thought about me (I had enough trouble at home, I had to stop caring about something) and I stopped dressing to be invisible and went back to dressing the way I wanted to... Well, one day that meant I arrived at school in a baby doll dress, with cut off jean shorts. I looked cute. I liked my outfit and my Mother had even been sober when she dropped me off! Everything was coming up Stephanie. And then long about fourth period people started asking me weird questions about babies and pregnancy and soon enough some obnoxious girl asked me if I was really pregnant. I was livid. To say the least and asked when she had heard that I was... She told me and as it turned out a girl named Lizandra, had been running her mouth to anyone that would listen about my delicate condition. Fantastic. I got to spend the rest of the day explaining to people that I wasn't in fact knocked up... Good times.

So, I decided to make the best of this new weird little rumor and started making jokes to Mike about it. He'd speed up and I'd tell him to slow down because a woman in my condition shouldn't be driving so quickly. He'd go over a bump and I'd say he needed to be more careful and I'd remind him of my condition. And then he snapped at me and told me knock it off, I asked what was wrong and he said "I'm pissed that coffee people are gossiping about us..." Oh. See, I'm used to being gossiped about, Mike isn't This sort of stuff didn't used to happen to him before me. So, I tried to cheer him up. I said "Honey, our neighbors watch us and snoop through our stuff (long story), we study Kabbalah, people gossip about us and now... Now, I'm on a bump watch. I told you that if you stuck with me I'd drag you into being famous one way or another and now we're living the dream, baby!" That made him laugh, he even added that he'd better not see any photos of us on the cover of Star. I told him I'd be sure to cover my stomach with my purse at all times. A good time was had by all but... We can't help but wonder why would anyone think we were eagerly anticipating a little bundle of joy just because I always order decaf beverages... That's just so weird. I could see if we always ordered normal drinks and THEN suddenly switched but I never drink normal coffee, I haven't in years.

*shakes head*

Weirdoes.