how do you stay positive when life keeps giving you reasons to despair? is it 'realistic' to be pessimistic, and 'idealistic' to be an optimist?

there are a lot of reasons why people tend to assume that my life is or has been easy, that i haven't had to suffer much. and that's true, on certain levels. i have never wanted for material things, my body is and has been healthy, i get on well with people and tend to do ok at things that i put effort into.

but somehow, it also seems that my life has been filled with an incredible amount of emotional strife, personal betrayal, loss, loneliness, disappointment, and heartbreak. if i look at my past pessimistically (realistically?), i can see heartbreak after heartbreak - lovers and boyfriends, family, friends, dreams, etc... but what if i look back optimistically, idealistically? then can i see how i've loved so many, taken risks, adventured, reached great heights, and had beautiful things in my life? are those things negated because the love was unreturned, the risk was a losing bet, the great height was a great fall, or the beautiful thing i had was lost?... nothing is permanent in this life. change and death and endings are inevitable balancing forces of birth and beginning. maybe it's just a matter of accepting that, and then choosing how much of your attention you want to put on either end of the spectrum.

over the last couple of years since i released choreography, i have challenged myself to write songs from a more positive place. for example, there is a song called firefly that i posted on my lauren hoffman work in progress page. it's about feeling so much love that it is as if the whole world is made of my love and exists only to give that love to one person... but in real life, i was in a situation where the love i was feeling was unrequited and the man in question was kind of stringing me along. i decided, instead of focusing on the pain and disappointment of that, to celebrate and bathe in the love inside of me, that amazing wave just waiting for the right shore to finally break upon.

it is interesting how at a time when i have tried to focus more on the positive, life has given me some of my biggest challenges. lately, someone came into my life like a wolf in sheep's clothing and gave me a very good reason to lose a little bit more faith in the goodness of humanity, to side with pessimism and cynicism, and call it 'realism'... i don't want to do that. i don't want to look out in the world and see evil and brokenness and weakness and despair. i don't want to teach my daughter to see the world that way... but... i don't know how much more, personally, i can take. i feel like i am going to have to learn how to find a balance and protect myself a little more, be a little more careful... see the good in people and have compassion, but watch out not to feed myself to the wolves.