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CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]

CoryCow Genesis


Last Updated: 11/25/2009

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[02 Oct 2009 | Friday] 8:51 AM

Category: Life
Fair Warning to those with bad attention spans. This may be one of my longest blogs yet. But, I'm basically telling half of my life story here so it's hard to sum this shit up and get the point across.

Part Two? Yes. Because that friend had specific motive in that message that you should have noticed I referred to in Part One.

The situation with the non-contributing sister was presented to me with the intention of helping me see a point of view that my mother may have in terms of me not staying with her for any given time. The point of Part One needed it's own blog like the point of this one does.

The following are quoted lines from the message:

"If you went to stay with your mother and offer to at least pay your portion of the rent? If many people stay in your moms home, divide the number of people by her rent and just pay your portion of the rent."

Well, sure that makes sense.

"...your willing to at least pay your portion of the rent, I almost know for sure that your mother will let you come stay with her."

She would probably rather I save and get my own place. But, still the logic here makes complete sense.

"I don't know your situation..."

And so we at last get to the point of Part Two:

I was never the that kid in class who did all the assignments. I was never the popular kid. I was not the "A" student. On the flip side...

I was never stupid, lol. I was never a "troublemaker". But, I was the kid who sat in most of my classes wondering: "So...yeah...why do I need to learn this shit, again?"

I have for as long as I can remember been a very preemptive thinker. I recall sitting in a number of different classes trying to figure out where and when the lesson of the day might actually prove useful for the average human being working any number of different occupations. Let's just say that I never came to a sensible conclusion for most of them, lol.

Point is...even though as a student you're required to do this shit, I have never been the type of person to put very much energy or concentration into anything I did not enjoy doing. Especially, if it seemed like there was nothing to really be gained from it other than a decent GPA[you kidding me? LMAO]. Thus, I received my first set[as in more than one, lol] of "F's" on my report card in 7th grade[if I remember correctly]. I pulled it together at the last minute and graduated Elementary school. Moved on to High School and wound up repeating the process for the same reasons, haha. Got demoted to Junior status my senior year due to the lack of sufficient credits and still graduated on time with my classmates. Stick that shit in your asshole, educational system.

I knew my grades would not likely get me into every college out there. But, it was irrelevant. I was not and still am not one who should be in just any college anyway.

Most of grades slipped for two reasons:

1. Didn't care for the useless "knowledge" the class offered.

2. Got caught up playing Video Games when homework should have been done. Also accounted for a lot lateness in high school from late night gaming sessions, lol.

Alas, I had officially found my calling when I was 13. Until then I had gone though wanting to be an Astronaut, Baseball Player, Hockey Player, Colorist, Comic Book Artist, Magician, Musician, Animator, Architect and even a Cartoonist. But, at 13 I figured it out and have been sure ever since.

I WANT TO MAKE VIDEO GAMES!

Sadly, there aren't many good institutions out there that offer the knowledge one needs to be a good Game Designer without throwing in a bunch of Gen Ed bullshit in the curriculum. What's even worse is that most of the schools that offer any such programs only opened to take advantage of the sudden rise of interest in the market so as to gain profit. I partially hold the general public responsible for never taking the industry seriously.

When I got out of High School I went to the first place I could find that was teaching 3D Modeling/Animation out of fear that if "Big Brother" started looking my way and saw I was not in school that I might be "Army Material". I graduated in 2003. Remember, that one only 2 years after the September 11th incident. Mom didn't want me in the army[ever]. I sure as hell was not about to go if I could prevent it. So out of fear I signed up with what looked like a decent place to get an education.

The International Academy of Design and Technology.

Unless, you're into Fashion Design, I suggest you avoid this excuse for a school[along with any school that constantly advertises itself on television]. It sucks. It's only recently become somewhat accredited and the reps will lie to you just to get you to attend.

I seemed like an alright place at first. But, the longer I was there the less I had faith in what I would get from attending. People started saying things that made the school's integrity very questionable. The more I reviewed the curriculum, the more I questioned the relevance. People in the Video Game industry[or any industry for that matter] don't give a shit about the "A" or "F" you got in English or History or whatever.

Can you do the job required and can you do it how we need it done?

Everything else is meaningless. Math scores don't mean shit if you're a Newspaper Columnist. History classes have no use in the profession of Accounting. Get my drift?

So, I left knowing that any further time there would likely be a waste. I wound up at Robert Morris College a few weeks later and left after one quarter for the same reason. Curriculum was flawed and full of useless classes. I decided from then on if I went back to school it had to be the right school. No exceptions. It had to be everything I was looking for if it was gonna get my money and my time.

I found that school...in fucking Hollywood, California of all places[got wind of it while at IADT, of all places]. GNOMON. Had the chance to even go out to Los Angeles in January of 2007 and visit and see that everything was ideal. EVERYTHING. Except for ONE thing...

This school was one you had to be at Monday to Friday from like 9 to 5. Like a job. So, working outside of school hours? HA! Forget it. And anyone who has ever looked for a job to only work on weekends knows that is almost impossible. The only person I know who lives out there is my aunt. I could have certainly tried to stay with her and go to Gnomon. But, like most of you out there, provided shelter does not come free. She knew that I would have to basically dedicate my life to that school to finish properly. SHE WAS WITH ME WHEN THE DAMN ADMISSIONS REP BROKE IT ALL DOWN, LMAO! There wasn't anything to fuckin' think about. And yet when we left she was still talking this shit about how if I stayed with her I had to help contribute.

WHERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO THE MAN WHEN WE WERE IN HIS OFFICE?!?!

NINE TO FIVE! Even then the homework and projects would likely keep me at school for a considerable time after hours.

THAT MEANS THAT FOOD, SHELTER AND TRANSPORTATION HAS TO BE COVERED FROM START TO FINISH. IT AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE.

But, NOOOOOOOO! What's worse is for YEARS she had been calling me here in Chicago from Cali talking about how much she wanted me out there with her to pursue what she knew I wanted to do. Hypocritical if you ask me. If only her sister was different. It didn't help that we can't seem to go a good 10 minutes without argument, either. I have my way of doing things and she has hers. Too bad they are significantly different otherwise it may have worked out.

I left Cali with the intention of coming back ASAP and got back to Chicago only to find myself incredibly indecisive. This would have been the first time I had ever lived outside of Chicago and it would not have necessarily been in a mentally stable household. Hell, I was wiling to at least risk experiencing a few quakes here and there if it meant realizing my dream. But, my aunt is the ONLY person I know out there. So, if things got to sour I would have to come all the way back to Chicago empty handed.

Naturally, auntie gets all pissy and comes to the conclusion that "I'm not doing anything with my life". My grandmother had an aneurysm about 2 months later and needed brain surgery. I soon discovered that she left power of attorney of all her shit to my aunt of all people.


We got into one last argument not long after granny's surgery and she and apparently "confirmed" I wasn't doing anything with my life and needed to go. Power of attorney gave her the right to kick me out of someone else's house.


I didn't know it was a crime to be indecisive. Especially when you aren't even close to 30 yet, lol. Mind you I'm not even 25 yet as I write this blog. I say I still have plenty of time to get things straight. But, time does not wait for you to get your shit in order because time is usually what one needs to do that.

Anyway, I moved in with a friend last minute and later discovered the ideal school for my career goal. When I say ideal this time I mean it don't get no better than this:

FLASHPOINT ACADEMY

No, not the TV show, lol. This school is almost just like Gnomon. The curriculum is completely focused on your major. The facilities and instructors are excellent. People from the industry are even invited to come and speak to the students every month to offer insight and advice. Not to mention support with job placement after graduation. But, here is the best part...

IT'S RIGHT IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO!

You know...the place I live. The place I where was born and raised. It's even right around the corner from the shithole of a school I left before so it it ain't hard to find. Even better it is only a 2-year program[as opposed to Gnomon which is 3 years].

Problem? Yup. Same one as Gnomon. 9-5 hours. Little to no time for an outside job.

Naturally in all my excitement I call my mother and tell her the news.

"That's great, baby. But, you still need to work on getting your own place..."

WHAAATTT?!?!?!



I just told you the perfect solution to all my problems and that's your response?

Going to this school means the following:

-Learning what I need to be a Game Designer. For real this time.

-Getting a job as a Game Designer which will allow me to efficiently pay off student loans[like the ones that are plaguing me now ]. You know, cause Game Designers actually get paid a reasonable salary?

-Getting my own place like you want and being able to support to myself doing something I actually enjoy.

Now, the fucked up thing you may ask is why didn't I find this great school when I was looking after I graduated from high school. Three words:

IT DIDN'T EXIST!

Flashpoint Academy was established in late 2006/early 2007. That's like...I dunno...4 YEARS AFTER I GOT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL!

I mean I have heard of inconvinient before but that one was just ridiculous for me. Because every other school in Chicago that offers a "Video Game" related program sucks and Flashpoint is the only one worth probably anyone's time if you ask me. Otherwise you're better off in another state.

Too make an incredibly long story short[whoops, too late]:

I have the opportunity of a lifetime to achieve a truly magnificent goal that will effect the rest of my life...THE REST OF MY LIFE. Let metype that again.

THE. REST. OF . MY. LIFE.

And of all the people I would expect to have my back on this. She ain't got shit to say to me but the usual parental garbage about getting a job, my own place and paying my bills.

News flash! You and I are not the same kind of person! Regardless of a few similarities[and the fact you gave me life], I am not and will never be content working remedial minimum wage jobs just for the sake of survival. You should know my potential more than anyone, MOTHER.

I'm a BLACK MAN IN A WHITE MAN'S BODY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I don't think like a nigga and I have actual dreams, goals and aspirations.

And yet you have yet to offer me homestay in the opportunity that I get accepted to Flashpoint.

You may as well have given up on the dream for me if you can't even find it in you to help YOUR FIRST BORN SON.

Who the fuck else is anyone supposed to turn to if not their own mother? I don't have very many physical belongings and I wouldn't need much more than a place to sleep, food to eat, and maybe a bus card to get to school[I mean come on. From your house I only need one train!].

I have a new theory as of now. My father made the decision to cut off contact fom his parents when he moved to Indianapolis to become the lawyer he is today. We learned this when you took me out to meet them, remember?

My new theory is that you secretly fear I will do the same. A decent job would give me no reason to come back to you for anything other than just to say "hello" because I wouldn't need you anymore, right? Admit your fear[if my theory is correct, that is] and offer your sanctuary so that I move forward with my life as I rightfully deserve and how you would originally would have hoped from the time of my conception in 1985.

Otherwise, you prove yourself as nothing more than the storage space for my belongings that you already assume the role of as we speak. If I am to do this alone[or with little no help], I will intentionally cut off those who did nothing to help if we both knew good and well they could.

Until then I remain working for pennies on the dollar under the roof of friends wondering how I'm supposed to achieve this seemingly unobtainable goal of mine. All while trying to pay off angry student loan people.

That is my situation. That's why I'm pissed. That's why I wish I was born in 1989[the year of the Serpent]. If I was born a Serpent instead of an Ox I would have graduated High School just as Flashpoint was being established and surely be there right now finishing up my second year. DAMN, this blog is long.

-CoryCow


 
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Previous Post: Do I Owe You Some Money...???[Part One] | Back to Blog List
Little Miss A

 
Dude, I feel your pain about this stuff. I've received enough grief about my life from family members as well. My own father has tried giving me ultimatums! Whatz up with these backward parents? I also refuse to work jobs that are a waste of time. Im 33 yrs. old & STILL trying to figure out my life & the feeling there's no actual support is crap. My family whines I don't talk to them enuff about my life  but when it runs around in your head ALL THE TIME you just don't want to (its like the hamster in the wheel). The funny thing is family members always seem to have a hidden agenda & it's never to your benefit. Basically they say "my way or the highway". Pretty sad stuff. BTW, your blogs are always fun to read!
 P.S.~ sallie mae is evil & should be destroyed!!

 
Posted by Little Miss A on [02 Oct 2009 | Friday] - 7:19 PM
[Reply to this] 
SxyBunni aka MommieCow

 
1ST of all, I read part one and part two.  If you had something to say to me, you should have said it to me, email works fine, since we don't seem to be awake during the same hours.  Furthermore, you never told me about the school.  You told me about the customer service place and how you got your certificate, etc...but, let me help YOUR memory a little,

- it was 8th grade - you got an "F" in reading your 3rd quarter - should I have been pissed? Yes, and if you remember I was - any parent with any sense would have been.

- Last quarter of senior year high school - 3 classes in danger of failing - not sure if you were going to graduate with your class until a week before graduation - if that much notice.

- You lived in my mother's house for about 2 years - RENT FREE, with FOOD allotment, etc.  All NaNa wanted you to do was put your dishes in the dishwasher and take out the trash without her asking you to. - Don't see that as asking too much.

- Phil asked you in your senior year of high school about "adult responsibilities" - your reply "I'm too young to start thinking about that.

- NaNa even paid - in - full for you to become a real estate inspector (or something like that) a job you could do on weekends and get paid NICE MONEY - set your own schedule...but you couldn't/didn't even complete that.

I realize that you want to design video games, and that's a beautiful thing. But you still gotta eat!

You are a single man with no kids, and a half way decent education.  If you want it, you will get it.  You have basically been messing around for the last two years doing what? You lost a job cause "everybody else decided not to do any work - so you joined in) Bad move. 

You still gotta eat. Your history doesn't give you much credibility. I have given you countless opportunities on ways to make good money - legitiamtely to allow you to pursue your dreams - you shrugged them all off.

Is it your fault that I have three other kids that we are trying to take care of? NO, but I did everything I could to give you a good foundation. 

(I'm sure you forgot that after you were born, I had to move out, pay my way thru school, take care of us in our apartment..etc. Tony didn't contribute anything except heartache) Don't get it twisted.

Your dad...is what he is.  Sorry, I can't change that.

Did I make some bad decisions, yes.  I'm not perfect. Shoot me.

The only thing I can say is

YOU have had plenty of opportunities, but you were not thinking long term.  It's hard out here, yes I know that. Most people do. 

I gave you what I knew to give you....if it wasn't enough, maybe I just didn't know any better. I never got a manual when you were born.

Maybe it is time to start thinking about "grown up responsibilities" I had to at 21....paid for my college education, bought a house, and two cars on my own while taking care of you.  Every dime I got from NaNa, I had to pay back in full. (In 6 months time)

As far as my sister having control of her money and "estate" that's their little red wagon...I'm out of it.

You may not publish this comment....but fair is fair...every story has three sides - yours, mine and the truth.

Still love you.

MOM
 
Posted by SxyBunni aka MommieCow on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 1:27 AM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
Bought time you got back online and read this.

You may not publish this comment....

Oh, no. You get your say. And you get the rebuttals that come along with it.

If you had something to say to me, you should have said it to me...

But, this is so much more dramatic and entertaining. Don't you think? I don't want to hide anything. If I'm feeling something I want it to be known to as many people as possible.

Furthermore, you never told me about the school.

Bullshit. I specifically remember calling you up as soon as I left the place. I was walking downtown on State Street telling you about it. I even RE-mentioned it to you at least two or three other times afterward. It was because of the school that we got into to the topic of how I couldn't take out another loan because my current one went into default, remember? I told you how the school was just like Gnomon but only a 2 year program and how I would likely need someone to take a loan out on my behalf. If you don't remember it's because you just shrugged that shit off and went on about "responsibilities" like you always do. I think it's pretty obvious I "gotta eat". Considering it's the one thing humans never need to set a reminder for[being our growling stomachs do that for us, maybe???] I think I got it. You WERE told. You and my aunt. EVERYTHING I WAS EVER TRULY EXCITED ABOUT I HAVE PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS TOLD YOU. Whether it was a new Video Game system or something that was going on or a school, YOU WERE TOLD and usually one of the FIRST to know. Don't even try to use that line because we both know better.

it was 8th grade...Last quarter of senior year high school...in danger of failing...

I'm not really sure why you went back to this crap. This wasn't directed towards you. It was just background info to explain my frustrations with the educational system. What's more important is that I still graduated on time on both occasions. That should tell you enough to know that I could certainly finish somewhere that I actually want to be. It took about 5 or 6 years for me to realize I was truly fed up with being at Ray and only about 1.5 to grow tired of Morgan Park. And yet, I still did what I had to do to finish. Stop bringing up the garbage and give my damn credit.

NaNa even paid - in - full for you to become a real estate inspector (or something like that) a job you could do on weekends and get paid NICE MONEY - set your own schedule...but you couldn't/didn't even complete that.

Yes, this is true. And at first I was up for it. But, go back to the blog and re-read the part where I was going over things I wanted to be when I got older. You see anything in there even related to Real Estate??? I sure as hell don't. No, I didn't complete the course. I only went because I'm not some closed-minded git and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Herein lies the REAL problem: It ain't always about the money. YOU have kids. You don't have a choice. But, me...I STILL have some flexibility in my life being that I have yet to follow in your footsteps and present you with grand children yet. You do give me credit for that, but you only think about what that means how you want to. True, I could have finished and even gotten to the point where I could have done all this myself. But, let me say this once and once only:

DOING SOMETHING FOR THE MONEY IS WORST REASON YOU CAN HAVE. IF YOU ARE DOING IT JUST FOR THE MONEY IT PROBABLY ISN'T SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT OFTEN ANYWAY. YOU SHOULD BE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT.

Can someone quote me on that? Please, I need a fuckin' book with all this shit I write sometimes. Why do I have to tell YOU this? That's something a parent is supposed to tell their child. Not the other way around.

But, answer me this: If all you ever did was complain about me playing "those damn games" all the time when I should have been doing schoolwork, do you really think I would be unhappy at a school that teaches me hot to make them? I mean seriously. You took the time to recap all my failures and "opportunities" but have not seemed to realize exactly what you're missing here. There isn't a single class on the curriculum I wouldn't enjoy even a little bit.

You lived in my mother's house for about 2 years - RENT FREE, with FOOD allotment, etc.  All NaNa wanted you to do was put your dishes in the dishwasher and take out the trash without her asking you to. - Don't see that as asking too much.

True. No, it wasn't. And I did[the dishes and garbage, that is. Had to get into the habit of it, sure. But, eventually I did. Her complaining about it is the very reason why I'm one of the tidiest people of all of my friends today.]. But, you are conveniently leaving out two of the most important parts of this blog.

1. I only left IADT because the school was a complete waste of time and money. Maybe you don't recall but we both know someone who did finish IADT[Zero] and yet cannot seem to make use of his degree to get a decent job.

2. Flashpoint didn't even exist until maybe a few months before we found out about Nana's ailment. Had it been around when I left IADT we would not likely be debating this right now. But, it didn't. Not my fault no one thought it a good idea to put a school like that in the country's THIRD LARGEST CITY until then.

Phil asked you in your senior year of high school about "adult responsibilities" - your reply "I'm too young to start thinking about that.

Yeah, Phillip was the wrong person to be talking to me about anything when I was 17 considering I didn't even start to warm to up to him until I hit twenty-something. You see when Mommie always has a new boyfriend every few years, you get a little tired of wondering "OK...so who exactly is this new guy?". Don't tell me you forgot about that already just we smile in each other's faces today. This elongated response of yours proves that you at least have a fair recollection of past events. So, I'm sure you at least remember that much. That was a good try, though. Especially considering the average human being probably isn't even thinking about that kind of stuff when they're almost out of high school. You know what I was thinking about that year as it was ending? FREEDOM! At last sweet FREEDOM! That's what it felt like. And no more jackass classmates.

Better question is were YOU thinking about "adult responsibilities" back when you were 18/19? You know back in 1985? Exactly. Nuff said. I have more than outdone you in that regard being FIVE years older than you were at the time and STILL have no kids.

You have basically been messing around for the last two years doing what?

Trying to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to get into this school with little to no help from anyone since I can't seem to get any. Trying to figure out where or with whom I could possibly live for two straight years without worrying about household stability. Trying to figure out who the hell I could really ask to borrow $50,000 without getting laughs in my face. Taking bullshit ass jobs that don't pay me what I'm worth just to stay alive. Biding my time until I can find solutions to this dilemma of mine. And more than anything doing my damn best not to completely lose hope and give up. That's what's the fuck I've been doing the last two years.

You lost a job cause "everybody else decided not to do any work - so you joined in) Bad move.

What job was that? The only job I ever lost was at Screenz and it had nothing to do with what anyone else was doing. I got fired because I decided to not to show up on THANKSGIVING. If anything it was a great move. No one needs to be working for anyone who would that if you ask me. That jackass didn't even know what he was doing with that business anyway. The job I'm at now may not be the greatest but I consistently get 40 hours, don't really have a problem with anyone who works there, and get this...it's almost completely recession proof! Like I said: that was one of the best things I could have done at the time. I didn't even say anything about the food I got to eat because of it, either.

Your history doesn't give you much credibility.

Maybe not. But, if I the same pissy outlook about it then I wouldn't be in much position to change my history now, would I?

I have given you countless opportunities on ways to make good money - legitimately to allow you to pursue your dreams - you shrugged them all off.

And I also gave YOU an opportunity to make some real money as well. It was a chance for BOTH of us to do just that. You shrugged that off, too. You, my aunt, Nana and most of the people I knew.

You have given me leads on different occasions to apartments, odd jobs and maybe a few agencies. In any case, whatever has been presented to me whether it was from you, Nana or my aunt, was not likely something I was meant to do if I didn't look twice at it. I learned something very enlightening not long ago from a horoscope of mine.

The horoscope was basically telling me that it would be good for me to realize that the help I may want to offer to someone would likely be better replaced with the help that is actually being requested. Meaning you can't just help someone how YOU want to help them and think it makes everything better. I never asked anyone about help with Real Estate or finding a job. The help I asked for was pertaining to going to this school and making it happen.

Is it your fault that I have three other kids that we are trying to take care of? NO, but I did everything I could to give you a good foundation.

True. Packed complete with plenty of complaints when you could have been looking at the bigger picture and throwing a little more encouragement my way instead of all the anger. Had you ever took the time to stop and think[instead of always using the shoot first, ask questions later" method] and get an understanding things would be different. I am certain.

(I'm sure you forgot that after you were born, I had to move out, pay my way thru school, take care of us in our apartment..etc. Tony didn't contribute anything except heartache) Don't get it twisted.

That's funny. I recall us being there until I was at least 5 or 6. I remember that much because one day I went home from school on the school bus[by mistake] and they dropped me off at Nana's house. Now, why do you suppose the driver would have done that had I not ever been dropped there. That was where he told me that his list said I was supposed to go.

You had to pay for school? I also recall you telling me at least twice that you would have finished school much sooner had you not kept running out of financial aid.

Tony? If I remember right we only live with him for maybe a year. You should have replaced his name with Mitchell Smith's instead. That was a good 6 or 7 years. Tony probably wasn't your greatest pick but at least it didn't take you too long to see the light. I wasn't paying attention to you all like that cause I only 5. But, I knew immediately Mitch was no good. I was SIX when you brought that no good nigga home. Don't worry, I ain't got it twisted.

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«A quick word to the readers: If you have kids and get in a relationship with someone, introduce them to each other. Your child's reaction is likely a dead giveaway on whether or not you should really be pursuing something with that person. The younger the more accurate. This I assure you.»
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Shoot me.

I may as well have already done just that at this point. I shall call it this weapon...the "Word Gun".

...but you were not thinking long term.

On the contrary. Taking the long-term into account is one of the key traits required to truly be a preemptive thinker.

-Every class I shrugged off in school got that treatment because I knew it wouldn't even have any use in the future.

-I considered and even went to the damn Real Estate classes with the future possibilities in mind.

-I went out to California with that nut job of a sister of yours to check out Gnomon after years of her pestering me to come out and visit.

-I made it a point to get in school ASAP after graduation so as to avoid possible military activity during the so-called "War On Terrorism".

-I even considered joining the Navy a few years later with the future in mind. Remember that? Nana almost burst into tears with the very thought that I might actually follow through. All three of you were objected.

-I left IADT because it was obviously a waste of time and money and would not likely give me much to make use of in the future.

-I signed up with PrePaid Legal, tried to get you and many others involved and even traded in most of my fucking Video Games to further support it only to find failure due to the lack of interest from others.

-I joined MySpace with the intention of using it help promote PPL and wound up trying to use it more for the purpose of promoting Web-Designs.

-Until I finally discovered Flashpoint, I made it a point to look for a school that would be right for me. A school that offered everything I was looking for and more so that once I went and completed the job I would be one my way to a real future.

-Hell, ever since I was 6 years old I can recall thinking YEARS ahead of my life about things I wanted to do and how I thought I could accomplish them. Even if was just a girl that I liked, I would take into account whether I could see myself with them for the rest of my life.

I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING THE LONG-TERM SINCE I WAS AT LEAST SIX YEARS OLD WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING I COULD THINK OF WHEN IT WAS PRESENTED. IF I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT THE LONG-TERM I WOULDN'T WRITE BLOGS ABOUT POLITICAL MAYHEM, SOCIETY'S ISSUES OR ABOUT BEING PISSED OFF I AM THAT I'M GETTING NO OFFERED HELP FROM YOU IN TERMS OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. Almost every blog I write has long-term thinking behind it.

Thinking about the long-term is exactly what made me so indecisive about just up and moving out to Cali.

I gave you what I knew to give you....if it wasn't enough, maybe I just didn't know any better. I never got a manual when you were born.

No. But, I know good and well that you should have realized I was an "outside-the-box" person quite a while ago. Problem is you still took an "inside-the-box" approach to what you saw within me. Yakkity's crazy ass at least tried to explore what I was really capable of even if she did do it in her own overwhelming way.

You didn't have much of anything to say when I signed up at IADT, did you? So what's the problem now? I mean what can you really say to me that holds water other than basics that you keep preaching at me all the time? What? What I'm asking is not even as much a sacrifice on your part as you may even think. Hell, I'll figure out the tuition part somehow. Transportation costs can be saved from now until the time it takes me to actually start classes and already be set aside for those two years. You know it don't cost that much to get on the train. All that's left is food and shelter. There ain't much room at your place but there is enough for me to simply lay down and sleep at the very least. That long-term enough thinking for you? Going to a school like Flashpoint makes all this drama disappear. I cannot guarantee much in our world but I certainly guarantee that much. This is a last chance opportunity to get somewhere without having to climb my way up for years and years doing it some other way and always having to go through trial and error[and more FAILURE].

Write me another page long response to that one...if you can.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 5:24 AM
[Reply to this] 
Queen Akasha
Kori Barber

 
dude r u seriously not thinking about what other ppl have 2 go through 2 let u stay there whether u chip in or not........someone who is stayin wit someone else whether tempory or not is gonna b hard on the person they r stayin wit......helpin out where u can isnt like askin for a damn organ or something......hell i dont wanna b where i am now but at least i am doin something 2 show that i am thankful and tryin to keep things in order....when u were with us all u could say was "well it aint my mess" or "i barely used any dishes" and on top of that u never gave what u said u would towards any bills........look at it from someone elses view and stop thinkin bout what u feelin......givin up money is 1 thing but at least just maybe cleanin is something and u dont even wanna do that......ur mother is right not 2 let u come back cause u will never learn 2 b a tru man 2 kno how to take care of urself.....hell lewes mom shouldnt have helped us out truthfully........put urself in someone elses shoes 4 5 mins and c if it doesnt change how u feel....if not then u truly r a selfish bastard.....ur a good friend dude and i wouldnt wanna lose ya but u really need to wake up
 
Posted by Queen Akasha on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 6:56 AM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
If I can add something else. It's not like I'm asking to just stroll right in and live off her right now. I'm good where I'm at and where I will likely end up until I can get everything straight to go to Flashpoint. I'm just saying for when I actually start classes. Hell, I don't even need to be there the entire two years. I can bounce back between her place, David's and Zero's if need be. It's just that I got most of my able friends extending hands of help while she is just throwing a few apartment vacancy leads my way. That's backwards. I understand she wants me to grow and get in the habit of supporting myself. But, you can't tell someone how to help themselves one way if they know good and well they need another kind of help. It would almost be like going to the doctor to get a Flu shot to prevent the Flu...and the damn doctor recommends a band-aid.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 11:06 AM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
dude r u seriously not thinking about what other ppl have 2 go through 2 let u stay there whether u chip in or not........someone who is staying wit someone else whether temporary or not is gonna b hard on the person they r staying wit......

*sigh*. Again, I feel obligated to remind ALL readers that going to a school like this would not likely even have me home very often as it is. Hell, it would almost be like just spending the weekends with the workload. I

when u were with us all u could say was "well it aint my mess"

That's because grown people who ain't got any broken limbs or legitimate disabilities should be able to clean up after themselves. I think my reasoning behind that is perfectly logical.

And seriously, that apartment looked like a hurricane hit it from the the time I moved in until the time we left. What's worse is you know I never did anything to contribute to that. There is no excuse you can make for why either one of you didn't have that house clean and orderly in more than 5 months time.

or "i barely used any dishes"

Well, it's not like that's a lie. Along with the fact that I very rarely used any dishes without immediately cleaning them afterward can you again really disagree with that reasoning? If you and Lewe were in the habit as I am we would have probably never seen the sink full of dishes anywhere near as often as we did. I would be in my room or out the house for the majority of the day most times, come home and probably eat something without a dish and look up and see the sink full of dishes. And somehow it's my job? No.

and on top of that u never gave what u said u would towards any bills...

Never say never. That would mean you didn't get a dime from me. You may not have consistently gotten what we agreed on but it ain't like I never gave you anything. We already went over the MJ merchandise ordeal and I already made my apologies. But, you know good and well had I not gotten that laptop when I did I wouldn't have seen a new one until who knows when. Not unless I went and got a second job exausting myself just for the sake of a better computer that I already deserved. Especially when it will eventually pay for itself anyway.

look at it from someone elses view and stop thinkin bout what u feelin......givin up money is 1 thing but at least just maybe cleanin is something and u dont even wanna do that

You know if you read the blog right and didn't just take it as a "gripe fest" you might see that one of the main points is for her to see it fom my point of view being that she only seems to want to push hers.

......ur mother is right not 2 let u come back cause u will never learn 2 b a tru man 2 kno how to take care of urself

Interestingly enough I have almost $1000 saved up towards [possibly]getting my own place, still have a job AND no kids.

...if not then u truly r a selfish bastard...

A wise man once told me you can't really help anyone if you can't first help yourself. I personally like to help people. I do. But, until I get in the position where I can consistently help myself it makes it a little difficult. All I'm asking is for a little[or not so little in some people mind] "pick me up" so I can pick YOU up. Make sense? Can anyone seriously disagree with that logic? If people were constantly helping each other then there probably would never be anyone who actually needs help. But, people don't...

And again. It's not like I'm asking some friend of only a few years to support me just so I can get ahead. This is my MOTHER. I mean surely that word has to have some significance. Even a little. Hell, I know your mother ain't quite the person you wish she was, but don't you think a person's first thought if they need help might be to consult the parental units?

..ur a good friend dude and i wouldnt wanna lose ya

Then stick around. Haven't even started the fireworks, yet.

but u really need to wake up

You know as good as anyone I'm as "awake" as any human being can be in this stupified world.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 10:43 AM
[Reply to this] 
Queen Akasha
Kori Barber

 
the point is cory help out where u can 2 show that u r thankful of the ppl instead of comin straight home goin in ur room and getting on ur puter......eating food that we could have easliy said u cant have.......whether its from the government or not u still ate right.....sleepy cleaned up witout even being asked to just 2 say thanks 4 me not being in a shelter.....and yes it is ur parents u should b able 2 look 2 but hell ur grown u should have been at a point now where that wouldnt even b an issuse.......iadt wasnt what u wanted....hell stick wit it anyway.....u can always go back 2 school later....at least u would have had ur foot in the door already......like the 900 ur grandma paid so u could take classes in real estate that u didnt finish.......u kno what it doesnt matter anymore right.....it things go ur way then rub it in everyones faces and gloat.....but if u really get hit hard b4 u go up 2 the top...maybe u'll c what everyone else has been sayin

 
Posted by Queen Akasha on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 3:45 PM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
the point is cory help out where u can 2 show that u r thankful of the ppl instead of comin straight home goin in ur room and getting on ur puter...

Sorry, that's just the kinda person I am. When I'm out I'm very rarely doing anything recreational. So, when I come in the house I like to be able to chill out. And I never said ANYTHING about not wanting to help her out. But, if I did...PLEASE go back and copy and paste that shit in your next comment for me.

eating food that we could have easliy said u cant have...

Have I ever seemed ungrateful for that? As many times as you liked to play with my emotions any time I reached for something acting like I had NO reason to even think about it. Then you had the nerve to be amazed when I started to just eat/drink something right on your face even before you gave the OK. Cause people get tired of shit like that.


sleepy cleaned up witout even being asked to just 2 say thanks 4 me not being in a shelter...

Yes. But, had I really actively cleaned up that house you would have likely taken it for granted and even more rarely picked up a thumb to clean up that ridiculous mess of a home. Yeah, that was a nice gesture on his part. But, you grown just like me. So, you can clean up your shit just like I can clean mine. Me cleaning up for you all the time would not have allowed YOU to grow up and assume your own responsibilities.

Hell, it took me almost till we left to get up and clean up my room. But, when you all were packing you two still had all your stuff EVERYWHERE. JUST LIKE IT WAS WHEN I MOVED IN. You grown like me and you have a CHILD. You take plenty opportunity to make people aware of that with some things but forget to mention it to yourself when it comes to the general maintenance of your own home. It's one thing to have to clean up. But, trying to drag in other people who got no business cleaning up something you can do yourself is Zero's move. It should not be yours.

and yes it is ur parents u should b able 2 look 2 but hell ur grown u should have been at a point now where that wouldnt even b an issue...

And so should you. But, you ain't and we have already been over all of that, too.

...iadt wasnt what u wanted....hell stick wit it anyway.....u can always go back 2 school later...

Yeah, I thought about that last night. But, let's be real. Neither one of you all went there. You DON'T know how much of a waste of time that place is and you will likely never know. Again, Zero GRADUATED from the place and you see where he is at. Thinking on it now, yes, had I stayed at IADT things may have turned out better. By the time I would have gotten out Flashpoint would have certainly existed by then. But, I can't go back now. So, that's just "spilled milk" at this point.

at least u would have had ur foot in the door already....it things go ur way then rub it in everyones faces and gloat...

Gloat? About WHAT? Being able to finally realize my dream even though I know ALL of my other friends can't seem to accomplish what they want? I'm seriously expected to GLOAT about something like that. Fuck you, stupid ass. Gloating is for times of celebration. If I actually got this it would be more like a time for a big sigh of RELIEF.


..but if u really get hit hard b4 u go up 2 the top...maybe u'll c what everyone else has been sayin

These recent blogs are about what everyone else has been saying. Go back and read the shit right. Take ME out the equation and just pay attention to what I said. This ain't no damn gripe fest as much as you think it is. THE IDEA IS TO MAKE A POINT.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 7:12 PM
[Reply to this] 
SxyBunni aka MommieCow

 
You are right, maybe I don't give you enough PUBLIC PRAISE, I only email the link to your blogs to everyone I know and tell them to read the great things his doing...Maybe no one responded to me about your web design, but plenty responded to your "Presidential" page.  No, I'm not the worlds best perfect mother, and maybe my judgement in picking men was FUCKED UP!!  Unfortunately, those were decisions I made that you were effected by. I'm sorry babe, but I didn't have it perfect.  I picked a FUCKED UP ASS MAN that ended up being your BIOLOGICAL FATHER, a FUCKED UP ASS MAN after that to marry, and we only lived with him for about a year, his selfish ass wouldn't even pay your tuition at the Harvard School - a place you seemed to enjoy. Then I picked a FUCKED UP ASS MAN who for 7 years was just that...FUCKED UP! Then there is your brother's father - might as well call him a FUCKED UP ASS MAN too. But at least he sees them fairly often - unlike your father so maybe I'm getting a LITTLE better at picking men, then there is the man that I have been married to for the last 5 years, but with for the last 10.  Truth be told, you never liked ANY of the men I picked for what ever reason I picked them.  Some things you learn after the fact.  IF I had a DO OVER, oh sure, I would definitly do things VERY DIFFERENT.  I guess if I read correctly, your comments tell me that I should never have allowed you to be born...SINCE I HAVE FUCKED UP SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE..........

I tell people everyday of your praises and things you are doing, I guess I should have been telling you instead. (Lesson learned)

I can't change the things I did in the past, if you are gonna hold my feet to that fire for the rest of my life, that is your choice. All I can do is apologize for how much I FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE. 

Honestly, if I could do it over, and don't take this the wrong way because I love you and your brothers VERY MUCH, none of you would be here.  (This is a comment I never EVER wanted to say out loud - but TRUTH is TRUTH)

My life growing up, I OBVIOUSLY missed a whole lot of shit/knowledge/whatever to get things right as an adult - so I really had NO BUSINESS having kids and whatever age.

I'm doing my best to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge.  Yeah, It's a recession, and we are trying our best to make it the best we can. 

I'm sure at this point, you won't be there for Thanksgiving, it's cool - why would you want to be around SOMEONE so SELFISH and FUCKED UP anyway?

(Did you stop to think that maybe you would be better off away from your FUCKED UP ASS MOTHER? IT sure helped your Father....)

Good luck baby, not running away, but no need for me to stick around making you a FUCKED UP ASS MAN.  (Seems like that's what I'm good at.)
 
Posted by SxyBunni aka MommieCow on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 3:00 PM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
You are right, maybe I don't give you enough PUBLIC PRAISE, I only email the link to your blogs to everyone I know and tell them to read the great things his doing...Maybe no one responded to me about your web design, but plenty responded to your "Presidential" page.

I'm sorry babe, but I didn't have it perfect.

No one had it perfect. That's a given. And I wouldn't ask you to help me make my life perfect, either. I'm just trying to take the next step ahead so I can really get to where I want to be in my life. As a parent you are pretty much obligated to want the best for your own. It's just that every time I think about how I'm suppose to do this I just feel like you don't care to be involved other than a few words of "moral support". It's like you're just saying: "...that's great, baby! Good luck with that one!"

Truth be told, you never liked ANY of the men I picked for what ever reason I picked them.

That's not true. I liked Tony and I still like Marc. I remember specifically liking Marc from jump. I actually a little upset when I suddenly didn't see him around anymore after pretty much figuring it all out myself. Mitch was an asshole from start to finish. But, I at least warmed up to Phil eventually.

I guess if I read correctly, your comments tell me that I should never have allowed you to be born...SINCE I HAVE FUCKED UP SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE..........

Wrong again. You should have just waited. Just a few years would have done it.

I tell people everyday of your praises and things you are doing, I guess I should have been telling you instead. (Lesson learned)

I'm not asking for praise. I'm asking for HELP. I'M ASKING FOR HELP! Thank you for the praise. I DO enjoy it, yes. But, you've given me enough. It's like constantly giving someone hope without giving them the will to carry out that aspiration.

All I can do is apologize for how much I FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE.

I don't care about what you did. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID! I JUST CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.

Honestly, if I could do it over, and don't take this the wrong way because I love you and your brothers VERY MUCH, none of you would be here.  (This is a comment I never EVER wanted to say out loud - but TRUTH is TRUTH)

You would have still probably had kids anyway. Simple decisions don't change the kind of person you are as much as they change the kinds of things you do.

I'm doing my best to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge.  Yeah, It's a recession, and we are trying our best to make it the best we can.

Is that what it is, Ma? You just too damn poor to help me out for a couple a years? Cause I certainly haven't heard that one yet. Only thing I ever heard was stuff about "no room" or "I gotta get my own place and get me a job". Hell, I'm not asking you to pay for school. I'd just like to know that if I get in you might have your son's back.

I'm sure at this point, you won't be there for Thanksgiving, it's cool - why would you want to be around SOMEONE SELFISH and FUCKED UP anyway?

Naw, I don't wanna be there for Thanksgiving. This piss ass job of mine requires all temps to work on holidays anyway, remember? Oh, no it ain't cool. Nothing is "cool" right now except that I at least still have a roof over my head[even if it is attic space I'm sleeping in].

(Did you stop to think that maybe you would be better off away from your FUCKED UP ASS MOTHER? IT sure helped your Father....)

I've been AWAY from you for a good 3 or 4 years at least now. I'm pretty sure I can learn to stand your presence for just a little bit if it means gaining something bigger. Nobody wants to be with their parents when they're 16. But, I'm 24 now and still have a CHANCE. It's not so much even that you're fucking anything up now as it just seems like you are not trying to do anything to truly rectify things.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 7:45 PM
[Reply to this] 
Queen Akasha
Kori Barber

 
ur son is truly an idiot for what he has said to u and maybe he would b better of without any parents then cause hell my parents really didnt make the best choices in regards to my life but i still love them......u went through a lot 2 make sure he even stayed alive til this point cause truly he could have been dead at like 2 like a lot of unfortunate kids out there.......but i do kno 1 thing.......my life being crappy right now was mainly my fault because i didnt c what my parents did wrong and do better instead.......yea it may hurt 2 not get things that someone else has or have the best clothes or even the best men around....but u took care of him and loved him when u really didnt have to........hell the man my mother has been with since i was 2 has hit , attacked, pushed, yelled at, and the list goes on.....has he ever once been abused by any men u have had that u didnt get rid of right away?????? he needs a tru wake up call so let him find it on his own......and btw lewe the baby and i will gladly take his place for thanksgiving lol.....but no seriously we will
 
Posted by Queen Akasha on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 3:36 PM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
And learn to fucking type! Tired of reading all this "ur", "2" and "c" shit instead of actual fucking words.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 7:50 PM
[Reply to this] 
Queen Akasha
Kori Barber

 
If i dont feel like typin the whole word i dont have 2.....but i kno how 2 type.......y r u so mad.........is it because damn near EVERYONE is tellin u the same thing and u dont wanna admit they may b right instead of u........but hey all i was doin was tryin 2 help u understand where some of these ppl r comin from.....not tryin 2 attack u or make u look stupid or anything.......i kno i have times where i dont wanna listen but i damn sure dont go this far into it like u do....i do stop after a while 2 take in what i've been told and apply it........truly u should have just talked 2 ur mom bout it in person and not gone online 2 put her on blast like that.....no 1 is tryin 2 hurt u or wish u bad luck or anything.........and my son will always b taken care of 2 where he wont need me at 24 he'll have what he needs by then and b able 2 fend for himself......u take alot 4 granted...u kno what i have nothin left 2 say on this matter and whatever other blogs u may write i wont have shit 2 say......take this as whatever u wanna take it as......but just kno dont u EVER try 2 make it seem like my son wont have a good life......i may have messed up so far....but im gettin back on track....and by the time he can truly remember his childhood......my shit WILL b in order...sad thing is that if and when u have children will u still b as selfish as r u now????? being a parent is something 2 truly have kno idea what its like
 
Posted by Queen Akasha on [05 Oct 2009 | Monday] - 12:15 AM
[Reply to this] 
CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
Selfish for what?

For sharing the usage of Zero's Gamecube with Lewe?

For allowing usage[which turned about to be recreational a lot of times...Spider Solitaire, anyone?] of my only computer?

For not bailing everyone out when I was the only one getting up and going to work everyday?

For spending $900 on a well deserved and much needed laptop[that no one else surely would have bought for me] on my birthday?

For spending another $300 on MJ out of grief?

For trying to instill in your heads that you need to be responsible for your own slob-like tendencies?

For wanting some time to myself after a long day of work[at the RTA of all places???]?

For trying to be the voice of reason in the household while you and Lewe were usually busy trying to kill each other?

For caring about your son's well-being?

For spending more of my own free-time with him then either one of you did most days?

For trying to be someone he can count on in life[like you originally told me you wanted for him]?

For being there with ya'll almost every time you had to take him to the Emergency Room and staying through the entire night when we all knew I had to work the next day?

For coming to keep YOU company in the Emergency Room when that stupid ass cat fucked you arm up?

For helping you all move your shit even though I wasn't obligated to and on a day I actually had shit I was trying to get done[which just turned into a night by the time we were done, btw]?

For having a reasonable and obtainable goal that may require a little help from the very person who caused my existence in the first place? Getting a job as a Game Designer would allow me an income equal to my Mother's and Phil's combined. Money like that would put me in a position to finally pay of my student loans in a reasonable time frame, save a significant amount for emergencies, and....here is the best part...come back later and help her out if she[or my brothers, even?] needed something.

Kai needs a fuckin' laptop himself for school next year if I remember correctly. I found out about Flashpoint almost exactly 2 years ago now. Had I been able to go then I would likely be done already. I would have been more than willing to take that burden off her shoulders cause I know for damn sure it's gonna hurt to spend that much money on it. But, me? Nope. Wouldn't have hurt me that much on a Game Designer's income. Could have bought him one and Kammy one the next year after.

That kind of income would allow my younger brothers to see me as the "successful brother" as opposed to the "broke ass brother and give them one more positive role model. That kind of income puts me in a position to do what I hope to be able to when the time comes. That kind of income allows me give back. Maybe not like Mr. Gates over there at Microsoft or like ole' Trumpy. But, I would certainly be able to do a hell of a lot more than I can now for those close to me.

The most ironic thing about all this is that YOU are in almost the same situation. You have been trying to get back in school so you can be a Nurse. We have already talked about the kind of money you would be making. You can't expect Lydia to support you being that you aren't her child[even though I recall her telling me she offered something along those lines so you could finish school]. But, if Lewe had a decent enough job to handle most of the expenses you could have a little part-time something and go through the nursing program. If I remember correctly you only need about the same amount of time for your program as I do for mine.

Wouldn't you like to be able to help your sisters out in the future if and when they need it? You know, like you helped your brother for prom? They almost always come to you, right? Wouldn't you like to always know that if and when they do you got em' covered? If anything you are in the same position as me but got the nerve to bitch at me and call me selfish. All you need is a little help and a little sacrifice on someone's part[who should be willing to help anyway] for a couple of years to accomplish a much greater good that will end up putting everyone in a better position. Can anyone reading this really argue with that?

Everybody wanna' bitch and complain about "hard times" and explain to me how I'm not seeing things from her perspective. But, I'm technically the only one who is complaining about hard times and simultaneously thinking about a feasible solution. And that's how it usually is with this kind of crap. I stopped reading so many people's blogs because more were just about problems instead of actual solutions. Yes, I'm upset. Maybe I am taking it a bit further than necessary, sure? Even to the point of a little childish? OK, I will give you that one, too. Why not. But, you have yet to offer an actual solution. She has yet to offer an actual solution. I have had ONE person out of all of this actually message or come to me with something close to a solution[thank you, Adeline. ].

My mother had the nerve to make the silly assumption that I was not truly thinking about the long-term in the past. All the while she is not even taking the long-term in true consideration herself right now.

I've noticed that parents do this thing where they only wanna hold themselves so accountable for having a child[ren] when it is not only inconvenient for them but more so for the child. People will make the decision to fuck each other with no thought to consequence, have a child[because even though they were careless, they still have not the heart to abort or allow adoption], and then say shit to them years later like "I raised you...blah blah blah". Knowing good and well that it was their own fault that they had to raise you. They act like you owe them something for their mistake and carelessness. Even worse, they would probably expect you to take care of their old asses later when they can barely fend for themselves. They put the burden on the child when they are the ones who deserve it in the first place.

They do the best they can to raise you and you do the best you can off what they teach you along the way. Now, if things were straight when you were born than that's one thing. But, if shit was off when you were born, and then you grow up and shit is off with you cause it was never right in the first place with them, how likely are you to not keep the same cycle repeating and thus continue to doom further generations to the same shit? I mean her and I are still technically having to "do what we gotta do" because shit was never right in the first place, remember? Her with the boys and me with my own stuff. Something has to be done to prevent history from repeating.

I'm apparently just being selfish and don't want to see things from her POV. Yet, I'm the only one who is looking at the bigger picture and a real solution here. If you and her and anyone else reading does not care to look at what the future can hold with a little sacrifice than you deserve to revel in your inevitable state of unhappiness and poverty. IF that is the case then I can't likely save anyone from that mindset anyway. But, I will surely be less willing to come back and pull folks up who didn't think they needed to offered any help when they were able.

You claim that you at least will take things and apply them even when you don't want to listen. Yet, I have only seen you apply so much of what I have tried to tell you. Do yourself a favor and at least try to apply what I have said here since you seem to have the idea that you do it and I apparently don't. And, if abstaining from commenting on future blogs means withholding your usual array of flawed arguments[that barely hold water anyway] then by all means don't let anything stop you.


 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [05 Oct 2009 | Monday] - 9:12 AM
[Reply to this] 
Queen Akasha
Kori Barber

 
U kno what i asked u not 2 go there bout my child but ok u can play it that way if u wanna cause truly u havent spent as much time wit him as u think u have........u actually ignored him more when u started workin and spent ur off days somewhere else when u PROMISED him u would b back 2 play wit him......u comin 2 the er wit us when u had 2 work the next day was something that actually wasnt selfish 4 a change....and u only did that once when u had 2 work the next day u didnt have a job the other time we went......and i dont kno what lie lewes mom told u but she never offered me anything so i could finish school....hell she could have given what i needed 2 pay my debt and still had enough 2 take a trip somewhere witout being broke........all she ever told me was 2 find some program that will do it for me since i have a kid it would b easy....which is not tru cause i  havent found one yet......when it comes down 2 it cory u r VERY selfish cause in the end u always worryin bout U gettin rest....U gettin a puter....U havin somewhere 2 lay ur head at nite.....not us or someone else...yea u came 2 the hospital 4 the baby....ok that was 4 him no problem....but if he wasnt a baby would it still b the same.......u kno ppl do understand how u feel in a way but the real matter is that u cant seem 2 c this from anyone ELSES point....lewe may not b the best dad in the world but he is way better than what some of these other sorry asses r out there.....u kno fucked up thing is that u gripe bout stayin in the er wit me and the baby when u stay up that damn late at home even when u gotta work the next day....and spendin 900 on something 4 urself is not bad at all...when u have other money 2 cover ur bills that is......when i got my tax refund back i took damn near the whole 2700 i got and paid my bills in advance 4 a few months...and even some of that went 2 UR phone bill.....the point is cory when u can put others b4 urself witout a problem......then u can say ur not selfish.......i took of more ppl than i should have but i didnt really mind it cause its good 2 help others....but when u help someone who doesnt stick 2 their word of what they r gonna do then thats the problem........when u couldnt pay what we agreed on at first i thought well hey its cool cause he will once he gets a job...then u get one and what happened.....nothing really......u didnt pay ur part......and when u add up what u did give 2 what i gave u in like food or ur phone bill u still owe me money that i will probably never c cause u just gonna keep comin up wit some other excuse............i would b wrong 2 take u 2 court right?........my mother had her shit 2gether when i was born yet u c the outcome now......my dads mom was pretty fucked up when she had her kids yet 2 of them turned out better than she did........its not how u start out that determines where u end up.....its what U do 2 make sure u get where u wanna go......instead of lashin out 4 my parents fuck up and my grandparents lack of love i could very well b finished wit school from gettin a full ride damn near anywhere i wanted...but i fuck that up 4 myself....instead of sayin i dont need these classes cause it has nothin 2 do wit game design...u could have had a full ride somewhere instead of where u r now.....yes ppl parents do start the process but it is us who finishes it and if u choose 2 go that way then u will more than like pay 4 it......but now im workin my way back up...maybe more slowly because of my child but i WILL b finished wit school by the time he is 6 and i WILL b where i wanna b.....wit or witout someones help.....dont say what u need from someone 2 get there....cause truly u could b in a shelter and still get 2 where u wanna b
 
Posted by Queen Akasha on [10 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 3:55 AM
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CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
Well, if you won't take my advice about staying away when it's best for you I suppose I will have to make efforts to enforce it. I told you to stop coming on my shit with these fallacy ridden rebuttals but you seem to have nothing better to do than respond to my little blog.

You have no right to talk about ignoring that child when your fat ass couldn't even take your glued eyes off the TV most times or make sure he wasn't fuckin' shit up in my room when I was gone if he followed you in there. I made one promise that I broke when his Grammy has made problem 20 or 30. But, you wanna' bring that shit up like it mean somethin'. I'm probably still one of his favorite people because I didn't ignore his ass over trivial shit like you and Lewe did.

If you don't appreciate the time I spent with ya'll in the ER[regardless of my employment status] then you don't need to see me there with you anymore anyway. And for the record, I never statyed up until 11AM[that was around when we got out the ER last time, remember? It was fucking daylight outside] knowing I had work the next day. I stayed up as late as I knew I could and still get a decent amount of sleep.

I'm so fuckin' "selfish" but you always wanna sit up and play some fucked up victim role instead of just doing what you gotta do for yourself and your child. Get your ass up and make it happen.

Don't talk to me about "ignoring" your child when I played with him way more than you or Lewe cause your fat ass was[well, really you still ARE a FAT ASS] too out of shape to do anything other than maybe toss a fucking ball at him like he's a damn dog.

Naw, you ain't likely to see any damn money cause at this point I don't even feel like you would use it constructively. Not about to cough up $800 or so so you can go buy a fuckin' Hooka machine or some alcohol or some other bullshit you don't fuckin' need. Everyone wants to be made at me for buying a laptop but fails to realize it at least has uses and the potential to pay for itself and then some. It wasn't a splurge as much as your stupid asses might think as much as it was an investment. It provides entertainment and more importantly the adequate power to produce quality work that puts money in my pocket. Take me to court if feel lucky. You got nothin' in writing and I doubt anyone would give you a few thousand dollars so you can win a case where you are only "owed" 7 or $800. All the while you would look even stupider when you show up to court with no lawyer[and God only knows what barely credible witnesses] while I would at least have a highly paid PPL lawyer with me.

If I had better faith in your spending habits I would certainly consider it. Hell, at one point I was considering. But, you gotta keep bringing it up. You bring it up here. I hear about it from Rachel. You couldn't even keep your mouth shut about it the day ya'll were moving shit out, could you? Nope. So, fuck you. You only just now wanna come on my shit and make these hollow ass proclamations of "bettering yourself" when shit has already hit the fan 10 times over. Do us all a favor and don't make promises YOU can't keep. I hope you do get to where you're trying to be by the time he is 6. He certainly deserves what it will mean. But, until I see a real change in you I am hard pressed to believe in your ill fated quest for "personal deveopment".

I told you already that you can't effectively help anyone if you can't first help yourself. Had I gotten me a $2700 tax refund things may have been different. But, I didn't and you comin' my direction with your hands out when I barely get $300 a week and you ain't really doin' shit but livin' off the Link Card and Qiana's hard work.

If you took responsibility for your whorish actions and got right soon as you knew you were pregnant none of this would have likely even happened. You had the nerve to throw the word "excuse" in this little reply of yours but you make plenty of them yoursef, Ms. Barber.

One last thing. If my mother actually invites you all to Thanksgiving in my place that's fine. Just be kind enough to return her Tai-Bo DVD since your lazy fat ass never made use of it anyway. You're officially blocked, removed and ignored at this point because neither you nor I have time to bounce back between this childish shit if either of us is to achieve our goals. Have a nice life you fuckin' idiot. And don't mad if I don't come around to see the boy if it means avoiding YOU and your bullshit.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [10 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 12:40 PM
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CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan]
CoryCow Genesis

 
ur son...

Here's a thought. Go take of YOUR SON and stop wasting your time on my blogs. Maybe if you and Lewe can come to some true points of sanity and mental stability you can keep that boy from being as bad.

 
Posted by CoryCow™[Lifetime MJ Fan] on [03 Oct 2009 | Saturday] - 7:49 PM
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