Here's a couple of my favorites;
The Donna Smith band was playing a wedding at a very posh resort in Park City Utah. We were all wearing tuxedos (except Donna), and I think that we were playing "Round Midnight. This drunken lady comes up to me, pulls on my sleeve, and says, "Can't you play anything more sophisticated?". I said "No" and turned away.
Another time, Cash for Junkers was playing at the Wild Horse Saloon (?) in Seeley Lake. I think that someone must have told the crowd that Lynyrd Skynyrd and Bob Seegar were playing that night, because they kept on screaming for their songs. Things were getting kinda ugly when this cute young lady who was obviously upset came up to the bandstand and said "Why don't you lose those banjos and play some hip-hop we can dance to?). I said "Honey, I think that the song you want is on the jukebox next door. Why don't you go there and listen to it!"
And finally, maybe the wisest, greatest thing EVER said to a band by an audience member:
C4J was playing some bar in Hamilton. When we finished our first set, a large, drunk young fellow came up to us and said "You know what you gotta do to make it?" We said no. He smiled broadly, and leaned in to share his big secret. "You gotta ROCK...with your cocks out!) We thanked him for his advice, and tried to move away, but he followed us around the bar, repeating himself louder and louder. I think that he was going to physically attack us, but his friends finally dragged him out.
Needless to say, I followed his advise, and that's why I'm such a big star today.
 

Alcohol is an amazing intellect booster...not only in thought but in deed as well
 

3 had me laughing my ass off, because I've heard the same thing. They think they're giving you a compliment, but they're making you want to smash them in the mouth with the mic stand. People.

This, verbatim, written on a cocktail napkin when we played the High Spirits (formerly the Rustic Hut) in Florence this winter: "Please [underlined three times] play songs that the dancers like to dance too. Not [underlined twice] what you like to play. More two-step songs Thank You [smiley face]"

I see the error of my ways now. Playing songs I like to play. What was I thinking?
 

ooh... ref Numero 4, been there once! and had a triple fractured leg when it happened1 I thougt I was maiing this big statement of courage, playing despite injury- a pack of wee smicks that night thought otherwise ! trouble is I get so sht scared of getting up ( as I know my guitar playings not great) that I cried al the way home that night!never again! now I fix the critics with a hard glare and fight back( then cry all the way home in the taxi afterwards LOL!)