The rumors are all true. The original line up of the Buddy System is no more. Christian Rawk and Phil Colinswood have amicably parted ways with Phallice to answer the call of duty. Carbondale Community Theater has commissioned Rawk and Colinswood to play the North Going Zax and the South Going Zax respectively, in a live action rendition of the Doctor Suess classic. Rawk says, "It was a dream finally realized for both Phil and I. Plus, its not like we were exactly reeling in the ‘tang being in the Buddy System." The play, sponsored by the Illinois Council for literacy, will play until one of the Zax succumbs to illness, starvation, or dies from exposure to the elements. Then, once the body naturally decomposes enough for the other Zax to walk over without moving a step to the East or West, the other will receive a star on the Carbondale walk of fame. "I’m exited for them" Says Cooper, "And I’m excited for me getting all the credit for the band’s early success." Filling the clear suits will be MC Hesher and Dwight Strok’um. They were picked at random immediately after the original members broke the news, proving Cooper’s "Go ahead and leave assholes, I’ll get the first two schmucks I see on the street to replace you" statement amazingly accurate. But with destruction comes creation. Will the new line up measure up, or fall flaccidly limp, dangling pathetically until forced off the stage? Only time will tell.