...about being pregnant:

1. Morning sickness can make you puke all day...and night! It can also last the entire time your pregnant. And Hyperemesis is even worse! Even the OBs try to tell you (and I'm quoting mine) "once you hit 13 weeks, you're probably gonna feel better than you did BEFORE you were pregnant!" Those fuckers.

2. Taking a few TUMS does not cure pregnancy heartburn. It makes what's coming up stop burning for a while, yes, but then you just have nasty antacid flavoured gunk coming halfway up your throat (or, if you're still queasy re: point #1, ALL the way up your throat and out of your mouth, i.e. vomitting nasty antacid flavoured gunk. YAY!)

3. The hormone Relaxin is a complete bitch. It's there to make your joints easier to expand (thank jeebus, since you eventually need to push an effing HUMAN BEING through your pelvic region), but it also causes joints you never even knew you had to snap, crackle, and pop for a good portion of 9 months. Every time I get out of bed (which at this point is 4+ times a night to pee), I have to pop my freakin' collarbone back into place. I'm not kidding. And just you try to crouch down to pick something up from the floor! I think my knees have gone on strike. I've learned to just kick things over to where they should go and have Matt finish the job when he gets home.

4. Peeing...ahhhh, the peeing! And I thought my toilet and I had a close intimate relationship after all of the vomitting. HA! I believe our water bill actually increased from all of the flushing, so I've resorted to not doing so every time I go. It's pretty bad when you know approximately how many uses you can get before the flush actually clogs the toilet!

5. This "nesting instinct" thing is evil. Pure evil. What the hell is nature thinking to design us to have an overwhelming need to clean, organize, and prepare our big, pregnant asses off during the late 3rd trimester...WHEN WE'RE LEAST PHYSICALLY ABLE TO DO SO?!!?! Not only am I completely dead tired and impossible to motivate at this point, I'm carrying around an extra 23 lbs., my back is aching, I can't bend over, I can't crouch down, I can't reach things because of the belly, etc. So yeah, I look around and have an endless mental list of "OMG, this MUST be done before I go into labor...hurry!", but am resigned to sitting there looking at all of it not getting done. Ironic that I could have done all of it in one day before I was pregnant :P

6. Being pregnant makes the decisions you have made with your OB publlicly commentable, apparently. Yes, I've taken various prescription meds. No, I haven't eaten meat. Yes, I eat more than the mainstream "reccomended" amounts of low-mercury seafood. CLAUDIA AND I WILL BOTH BE FINE, I promise!


;)