Since I returned from Louisiana and was ill, I have been far less motivated. I haven't even done my "one thing" over the last two days. It's probably because I've been somewhat obsessed with this "bailout" plan. I'm not sleeping well, either. I recently heard some news that bothered me and it's keeping me awake at night.

I'm also very annoyed with people and their lack of response. E-mail is great for instant gratification. However, it also seems to inspire people to completely ignore you. They just don't or won't call, even after you have requested them to do so. I've called to do follow-ups and had people tell me that they wouldn't give me the name of the person I needed to speak with, that I needed to e-mail them. When I responded that I had already e-mailed them several times, I was told to e-mail them again. Greaaaaaaaat.

The thing is, I don't even know if they received my e-mail. If I don't do it through MySpace, I have no idea if it has been read. And, I'm sorry, I don't give a fuck how busy you are, because you know what? My time is valuable, too. Maybe even more so when you consider my mother died when she was 42 and my father died when he was 55. I've already made it past one hurdle; I have one more to go, But, I may only have 11 more years to live if I follow my parents' genetic pattern and you're fucking me around, wasting my time?!! I might not *have* any more time!!!! I'm already squeaking by here. Give me a break!

It doesn't take more than 30 seconds to push reply and type "Thanks for your e-mail. We'll keep you in mind." Push Send. Done deal.

This nonsense has also affected my motivation. I realize I'm in a business full of "no". I can deal with that. However, now it's not a business of "no", it's a business of "no response". It's wearing me out.

Love you! Mean it!