Now I know a bunch of you out there are all "laxatives are bad for you if you use them too much" and "they ruin your insides" and "they'll give you stomach cancer" and "didn't you read the instructions on the side of the box? you can't keep taking them."

Well I'm here to tell YOU that this here is the United States of America. And if you want to be beautiful in United States of America you MUST TAKE LAXATIVES. Who cares if they may you sick? I mean really...wouldn't you rather be sick and SKINNY? I think Britney had it right the first time...pizza - laxative, burger - laxative, latte - laxative. Look at the tabloids. The world LOVED Britney when she took laxatives. Now she's a size 4 going to the gym, and all we can do is puke at her side fat!

So to you I say - SMOOTH MOVES. Join me in my efforts to add a little Senna to everybody's tea cup.

Good day.