First I'm going to ask you to take a minute to listen to my rough draft track "EMPTY ROADS" as I use music to express alot of my feelings. Although I'm going to explain alot *NOT BY DETAIL* the track may explain some extra so please take the time to listen then read on and comments are available thanks

As i start this off, lately i've been havin' personal problems with my life in the marriage life,music life & everyones problems financial problems. It has hit me so hard that I had a break down last night to where I broke down and cried. Yes grown men do have feelings and do cry. I'm 26 going on 27 and realized that the life I live is never the one I've told myself I lived. Many of you might be like well me neither well in my situation it's easy, So easy that i could live it with my eyes closed I've just chose the wrong decisions and took an opposite road/direction and fell into a hole. Last night was so concerning to me I've went as far as suicide thoughts, I've never even ever though i would ever think of suicide. Well many of you are probley thinkin' again well that's normal "I do it all the time". NO!!! Not me i think if there wasn't this little thing which i won't explain I think i could've managed it. I sat in one place for several hours in the same position staring at the same thing with so many constructions of death. So I came to a thought that i need to seek a thearipist because I've been coping with the same problems for years I just never show it, I try to make people happy and just let it build up. When i went to bed last night, when I was done with my breakdown and past out. I had a dream that instead of commiting suicide i entered some unknown war to have my self captured and begged them to shoot me and it felt so real. I remember every piece. I shut my eyes and I was as scared as i would feel in real life the numbness the thoughts of backing out but I couldn't cuz they were enemies and that was my plan cuz i knew i couldn't back out. When they shot me I felt the bullit enter the side of my mouth at a close shot and it bounced and shot up and fractured my skull. I could feel every second of the bullit puncture every thing in my face and head. The feeling burnt and there was alot of pressure, but there was one problem. I never died and i was lying next to another dead soldier when I woke up. What was weird is I was functioning normal and they covered us with a sheet and I heard one enemy soldier say did you slit his throat to make sure he was dead and he said no and he said he would do it when they came back. I woke up, but i didn't want to wake up I wanted to know what I would do next so I forced my self to go back to sleep and my dream continued as i wanted it to. I got up and jumped and jumped out of a window and the soldiers saw me and I got away. When I looked into the mirror I had a hole in my cheek my teeth were broke and I had a big lump on the top left of my forehead where the bullit tryed to puncture through but the skull stopped it. I was on my way to the hospital to have it removed when my wife woke me up. She left work 3 hours early to see if i was alright and to talk to see what happened because i was crying when she left. Which I will get to in a moment. The moral of this dream is to explain GOD. I've never picked a religion, I'm not religious but the past month i've been wanting to study on christianity I just never have time. So I believe he saved me to not commit suicide he was telling me that one little thing that held me back, Then when i fell asleep he showed me the pain but did not kill me. I still think i have problems and I want to seek help. Should i also seek GOD!!! Is he real. What about my problems will he guide me to the right decision. Well enough religion stuff that's my study I will look into it more myself. So that's pretty much my breakdown and what has happened last night. As of my wife comming home to seek to see if i was ok. I've mentioned to her that I was thinking about leaving here which includes her & Eli. Our marriage which hasn't even hit 1year which hurts the both of us, all the jokes that it wouldn't last. Will it? That's the decision I'm looking  for from myself. And Eli my only known non-biological son. It's hard even the slightest thoughts. Is this due to music? No. Does my wife think so... Probley. Music has nothing to do with my love for her. The way we live and the responsibilities we do not take care of. We get along more then we fight so it's odd to see anything remotley like this. Our laughters, teasings just so rememberable. All the years we've been together since the first day we've met. She has a plan to save what my concerns are and i accepted it but after last night I feel I can't do it. I want it all to go away in the snap of a finger. I think I'm looking for time to destress and take care of my problems financially and our relationship but if I walk out the door, Will she let me back in the door if I feel things have changed can change or will change. Probley not...Its happened before for a whole different situations which there is no need to get into the people that know about it is the people that we wanted to know about it. So yes I'm making her go through the what's he going to do. I don't know, I need the time I can't be rushed. I just want to be happy and be able to know my future will keep me happy, but my vows Is to be together through everything no matter the situation. So I'm at a little recess session to get my puzzle together, to figure out what i really want. Will I be running away if I walk away in my thoughts no because I will be taking care of everything as it will look like it because we could do it as a whole, YES WE CAN DO IT AS A WHOLE. Will we though we've talked alot and never made a step forward to succeed. My music there's really nothing about music I don't know why it stresses me out, I guess its more less i'm almost 30 which is really late to succeed  anything in music at such a late age and the struggling of a local artist just to be heard and see who actually pays attention to real music as real  I mean real feelings not no bullshit all true stories and feelings not good beats with a sexy rapper behind the mic cuz that's what sells music. 75% of music is junk I don't know how some make it. Underground and local music is the people that put there heart into it look into it. Its just stressing someone will throw your cd and go buy a NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK ALBUM. I'm not hatin' I like New Kids but common, Be real. Financial problems you don't want to hear about em' just know I have them along with millions of other americans so if your rich and reading this your probley laughing no troubles just remember were all family in the same country why hate help the poverty help the homeless Its a hard time right now and things should just not be the way it is. In all actuality its our fault if were broke like I said you can work and everyone can budget their expenses but should they be hated on...NO i'm not poor i'm just dumb. So with this little update as is I'm going to take some time to decide my life for better or for worst. I may not respond to everyone that hits me up calls me up etc...If it's a buisness matter leave a message I will call you back cuz that's my job, Like tickets for shows and or recording sessions. I will be charging for recording sessions cuz i'm using alot of my time doing it so i'm not charging for quality or equipment i'm charging for my time. There are some exceptions of course i'm not gonna charge if i'm on the track pending, or if I end up on every track. As for show's i'm still doin' what shows I got left next up is ABK April 17th in reading P.a. Tickets are $15.00 Please hit me up for tickets. And I will Update you on more. There won't be many as it's causing more stress but there are a couple more i want to do. So stay tuned there's alot more I wanted to say but it's early in the morning and i gotta get some sleep please feel free to comment me or message me I will respond if not right away soon. Thanks for reading in and understanding much love to the friends,family and fans that took the time to listen and read. Peace.


Myspace Band Player Generator