Personally speaking, that is...

As some of you are probably already aware, I have COPD and some other bad health problems which have gotten progressively worse over the past 6 years or so, to the point where, much as I just hate it, there seem to be a whole lot of things I can't do anymore; even little things are too hard.  I am always so weak and everything makes me get short of breath.

I have been trying to get my Social Security Disability now for almost 5 years, altogether.  This has been made very difficult, due to the fact that I have no health insurance, have been too ill to work now for over a year, and have no money to pay for doctors nor for medications, etc.

The past 6 months have been a nightmare of no income whatsoever, of being so ill that I have actually thought I was probably going to die anytime, of going without water, electricity, and heat, and basically, without everything! 

And especially, going without basic medical care, because the only doctor that would even take me with no insurance/no money treats me like I am shit, and not worth medical treatment. 

In the six years he has been my (doctor?), he has never ordered not even one single solitary diagnostic test!  Not a sputum culture, no lung biopsy (should be done for all respiratory conditions to rule out certain serious lung diseases like IBF, etc.), no blood tests, NOTHING whatsoever! 

Anytime I try to ask him if he doesn't think I should have such and so done, he ignores it.  I am especially concerned now because I have been losing consciousness, and coming to, not knowing how I got there!  Very scary.

No other doctor in the area will take me, because of no money and no insurance.  And, no, there are no clinics that will, either.  So don't even go there! 

A few weeks ago, when I went to an appointment with him, I tried to explain to him that I have not been able to breath, chest pain, sore throat, lost voice, etc, for the past 4 months, and he actually told me to SHUT UP!  He threatened to "not let me have my breathing treatments", if I didn't shut up. 

He wrote in my records that I "caused trouble" and am a "problem patient".  He even went so far as to accuse me of "faking" swollen glands and laryngitis. 

When I went into status asthmaticus in his office, he told me I had "done it to myself"! 

(I had to go to the Emergency Room immediately upon leaving his office, where it took an ambulance ride complete with IV and oxygen mask, an adrenaline shot, and six breathing treatments to get me breathing again...) 

(Oh, but I "did that to myself", right?)

He refused to write the prescriptions for my inhalers, my breathing treatments, my blood pressure pills.....  So I've been doing without almost all of my medications that I have been on for years.

He is a devil from hell.  And there is just no reasoning with an asshole like that.  Why even try? 

I found out from his nurse today that, in my chart, "some doctor had blacklisted me as a "difficult patient".  (I don't know why anyone would do that, I don't think I am that difficult, just would like to have some normal, everyday medical care, nothing too out of this world) 

And that is why no one in this city will let me have any medical treatment, and why they all treat me like shit, and won't do anything to treat my condition, making me suffer with no treatment. 

This also means that my Disability Claim has been being sabotaged for the past 6 years and this is why I have not gotten my Disability. 

(What do YOU think a Doctor who accuses you of "making" yourself go into "status asthmaticus", and tells you to "shut up" when you try to tell him what is wrong with you, is telling the Social Security Administration???? 

He's sure not saying anything that might HELP you, that's for sure!

Anyway, that's the medical side of it...

Not much I can do about it, but just try to stay alive and treat myself with herbs and diet, etc., and hope I can keep myself alive until I can get some medical 
care. 

The doctors here cover for each other like Sicilian Mafiosos.  (They are probably all Masons...)

So, in the meantime, besides having no medical care, I am unable to work because I am too sick.  So I have no income whatsoever.  I have been struggling along since last October, with charities helping me pay the utilities. 

But I have now run out of charities to turn to.  There is nowhere else to go. 

I talked to the power company supervisor this afternoon. 

I did find a Kentucky State Law that says that electrical companies have to give people with a medical certification a 30 day Delay in Disconnection of services. 

I have a medical certification (but it now has to be renewed, I found out...  and I won't have time to get it done before they turn off my electricity early tomorrow morning - how convenient for them!) 

I read the statute to the woman.  But she kept insisting that even if I brought the new Medical Certificate from the Doctor in to her, they would just give the Certificate to their "team of lawyers" for them to "look at", and that they would still cut off the lights, and would grant no delay nor extension in the disconnection. 

I'm like:  "What part of English language do you not understand, anyway"?  The Statute does not say:  "Give the certificate to the lawyers to look at."  It says:  "DELAY CONNECTION FOR THIRTY DAYS IF THERE IS A MEDICAL CERTIFICATE!"

I asked her if she could extend the disconnection for a day or 2 until their lawyers looked at the Medical Certificate and the law.  She said no.  So I asked her "Who would that possibly hurt, if you were to put if off for a day or 2?  Are you HUMAN?" 

I called the devil Doctor's office to ask them to fax the needed medical letter to the Power Co.  The doctor's out.  (Will be out tomorrow, too!  Fancy that!)  And they don't know if he will even do it, because it is in my chart, that I am a "difficult patient" who "caused problems" in the office.... 

(Because I tried to tell the jerk I've been deathly sick for months and my lungs keep filling up with fluid and I am drowning in it and it feels like I am going to die???)

Anyway... Maybe they'll fax the letter over there and probably not...

And tomorrow morning, bright and early, they will be here to shut off my electricity.
 
I called some other places.

The Federal Energy Assistance people (LIHEAP) tell me to complain to the Mayor's Office. 

(Our mayor is the biggest asswipe you ever saw on the face of this earth!) 

One time I drove down the street where he lives, (in the rich section, of course...) looking for an address.  I overshot the house number, and pulled into a driveway, to back out and turn around to go back, when this man flew at my car from his driveway, with housecoat flying and fists flailing, face all red and distorted, and screaming and cussing about "get the hell out of his driveway" - and, I'm thinking:  "Man!  Who in the hell IS this lunatic?" 

Well, it was our mayor...

All I did was pull in and back out - wasn't even driving a raggly looking car or anything... 

There's something very wrong with that man...

Something tells me he won't help me on this... 

What do you think?

The other option I have is to talk to the City Commissioner.  (I tried - can't get ahold of him...)

The power company is BLATANTLY BREAKING THE LAW!

Anyway, they are going to shut those lights off tomorrow morning, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. 

I owe them $300.  If they shut them off, and I have to have them turned back on again, that $300 will have turned into at least a thousand, what with extra fees, a triple deposit, and the usual clerical and mathematical screw-ups they are so known for. 

One time I had a $60 bill that turned into $575!  (Figure that one out - I wish someone would, because I sure couldn't!!)

Through all this mess of distorted nightmares, I have really not had the luxury of "feelings".

It has been such a struggle to just get from one day into the next alive, that I do not even think about how I "feel". 

I am a very optimistic, very positive, and very pro-solution type of a person.  I don't let things get me down, I get busy!  I am a very strong person.  I don't give up.

I am trying to remember that.

But it's really hard at this moment.
 
I feel like giving up.  I just don't see how I can solve this stuff anymore.

Don't tell me shelters (waiting lists >5 months and I would not let my dog be there!)

I own my own home.  I'm NOT leaving it.

Don't tell me churches, either.  They won't do shit!  I know, I've tried.

My last idea for fixing this mess was to learn how to build a small solar power system myself, learn the best way and which products I needed to make it all work right, and apply for a grant from ModestNeeds.org so I could buy the stuff to build it with, myself.
 
It took me over 2 months of research and studying (by a person who is hopelessly brain dead electronically), to learn the concept of how it works, how to calculate amps, watts, watt/hours, kilowatt usage, how many panels and batteries, how much energy this would give me and what I could use with it, which part connects to which and how, and which capacity inverter and charge controller should be used with which capacity panels, calculating amperes and proper size wire gauge, and which configuration of battery package, and how to connect the batteries in 24 volt sequences... 

If you use the wrong size controller or inverter, you can blow some stuff up!
 
You can probably see this was not easy.
 
What made it even harder, was that I had to find ALL these things at the SAME PLACE, because ModestNeeds.org will only cut ONE CHECK to ONE PLACE. Not a bunch o' checks for different places.

I finally came up with Tractor Supply.  They had it all. 

It took me 5 hours to put together a proposal, and 3 alternate proposals. 

I got it all done, went to the ModestNeeds site to fill out the application.

Guess what it said?

"Our application capacity is full at the moment and we are not presently accepting applications."

Like I said, I don't think very much about my "feelings".

And I never cry, not hardly ever.

But my whole fucking body is shaking right now and the tears are gushing like a geyser...

FUCK YOU, OBAMA!

Where's MY "Change I Can Believe In"????

So I'm letting you know:  after

tomorrow morning I won't have any

electricity, and I won't be able to get

on the internet - I don't know how

long that will be.  I have no idea

whatsoever.  God only knows.

But I'll be thinking about you.

Believe that! 

 My phone number is:  270-441-9014 if you want to call
(They won't shut that off.  I paid it today.  $20 Lifeline Service for
low-income people...  Good deal!)