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Folk World Monthly--April 2009
by Teeny Isringhausen
Folk parody super group Two Minutes in Heaven went on hiatus last
spring, leaving their fanbase to quietly contemplate what would
become of the lovely ladies now that their musical careers had to take
a backseat to the more mundane concerns of everyday life. Well,
wonder no more. We, at Folk World Monthly received word of a possible
reunion of our favorite FOTC tribute band, so we sent intrepid
reporter Teeny Isringhausen to catch up with the queens of the folk
parody world.
........................
I traveled to the heart of the heartland to find the leader of TMiH,
Kookie Clementine, in her hometown of Omaha, Nebraska.
She wasn't hard to locate. Nearly everyone I asked said I could find Kookie at the gym.
When I sat down with her, I was immediately struck by how much thinner and more muscular
she was than last time I'd seen her. Her trademark tresses were pulled back in a tight ponytail,
the ends drenched in sweat. She'd obviously devoted her free time to getting into shape.
FWM: Kookie, you look great! How'd you do it?
Kookie: Oh, just clean living. Eating right and lots and lots of
exercise.
FWM: How do you stay motivated?
Kookie: (sighing heavily) You know, you just have to dig deep and find the inner fighter in you...the inner warrior...the
soldier that tells you to never say die...never surrender...be all you can be...
At that point, a tall, dark, handsome, and extremely muscular man came up to Kookie and whispered something
in her ear. This reporter felt a hot rush flood her cheeks as she noticed the bulging biceps and sculpted cheekbones
of this bronze Adonis. A huge smile broke across Kookie's face as she in turn whispered something back to this
God among men. He chuckled, a charming dimple showed when he smiled, and he lightly ran a finger down Kookie's
cheek. She and I both watched as he walked away...this reporter couldn't help noticing, the view was spectacular.
FWM: You were saying about motivation?
Kookie: *ahem* Well, it also helps if you find a gym partner who
shares your goals and is willing to help you along. Someone like
Jesus there.
FWM: Hmm, I see.
Kookie: ... (blushes even more)
FWM: Now then, about this Two Minutes in Heaven reunion..
Kookie: ...um, I hate to do this, but I have to go...I...uh...think
Jesus needs me to spot for him. I'm sure you can get the details of
the reunion from Ziggy, right? Thanks for coming!
I lingered in the gym for a few moments watching Kookie and Jesus lift weights. I wondered how Kookie
would find the strength to tear herself away from all that to get back on the tour bus. I'm not sure I could.
Next stop...Detroit!
I found my way to the spacious but spartanly decorated home of
Ziggystar. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the plain, modest furniture and stark
white walls devoid of any art. That led to my first question...
FWM: Thank you for seeing me, Ziggy. Your home is so...so...not what I expected.
Ziggy: (laughs) I imagine that is true, considering my onstage persona's love of sparkles and color and feathers.
But since I returned from the monastery, I've found this blank space to be very...I don't know...soothing.
FWM: Excuse me...did you say monastery?
Ziggy: Oh, you didn't know? I studied to become a nun.
FWM: (unconcealed shock)
Ziggy: Once I met Bret and Jemaine, I knew that I wanted to thank the good Lord above for creating such wonderful
creatures. And the only way I could think to do that was to devote my life to His service.
FWM: Wow. I can see how you would be inspired to do that. But you are no longer there?
Ziggy: No. There was a hilarious misunderstanding that led to me
being thrown out of the cloister.
FWM: And that was?
Ziggy: I was simply trying to translate the scripts for Season One of
Flight of the Conchords into Klingon...so the universe could share in the wonders of the boys!
FWM: You speak Klingon?
Ziggy: Well, you know...Klingon is like Spanish..everyone knows a
smattering. It's really the language of the future.
FWM: hmmm...
Ziggy: Anyway, some of the other nuns got the wrong idea when they heard me quietly singing "Faux du Fa Fa"
in Klingon.
FWM: The wrong idea?
Ziggy: Yeah, they kept yelling about me 'speaking in tongues'. I
don't know what they meant by that, but the upshot is that I had to
leave. Which was a real shame because I was really waiting for Kookie to show up there.
FWM: Kookie? At the monastery? (this reporter could barely contain her laughter at the thought) Why did you
think she would show up?
Ziggy: Well, in all her e-mails she kept talking about her new found
close, personal relationship with Jesus. She said she spoke to Him
everyday and she kept talking about the Rapture and everything! I
thought she was about ready to join the sisterhood.
FWM: Uh...hmmm. The reunion tour! How is that coming along?
Ziggy: I, for one, am very excited! I can't wait to get back on the
bus and dust off my boas. We've got some new songs and new
inspirations and I think once we all get together in the same room
things will just naturally fall into place, like they always have.
FWM: So, you don't expect any strife? No ego situations...no
sporkings?
Ziggy: Naw...I'm sure we've all matured since our last tour...we can
handle our difference like adults now.
Time will tell...time will tell.
..to be continued tomorrow
5:47 PM
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