I got this depression sitting on my head like a 500 pound gorilla.  It's really bad - got no gumption to do anything (although I did go to work today and now I'm at the library typing this). 

I need to get a second job but I can't find one - one with health insurance, which I need for my medication.  The job market sucks gorilla nuts.  I'm worried about money too.

I'm feeling kinda alright right now - I had a severely-caffeinated beverage just awhile ago and it's taken the edge off the frigging terminal mopes that I haven't been able to shake for the past....few years or so.  I used to have energy and stuff.  Now lately all I want to do is sleep.

I hate to complain.  I'd want to make people feel good instead of dragging them down.  But this is really serious.  I can't see the future being any better and I've got that horrible feeling that the best part of my life is over.  I don't like feeling this way - it sucks.  

I'm gonna go visit my sister Kay in San Francisco from May 28-June 2.  She has advanced MS and lives in a hospital there.  My two other older sisters Diane and Karen are going as well.  Diane just had a lump removed from her breast last week.  She's doing OK but she finds out today if it was cancerous or not.  I hope it's not - that's the last thing I need is something else to worry about.  I hate worrying.  Ugh!