I expect so much out of life...and never just appreciate what life has handed to me. I have the best friends in the world, but I always want more. My grades aren't that bad, but I could always have better. Why can't I just appreciate what I already have?
I want to get big after college. I want to be a world-famous photographer like those people on America's Next Top Model. I want people to recognize my name as soon as it's said. I want to make a lot of money, while doing what I love to do.
I want better grades; even though mine aren't that bad,...but they could always be better. My B's could be A's and my C's could be B's, but the reality is...I'm not that hard-working, so I doubt that'll happen.
I want more friends, but less drama. That may be unrealistic, but it's real in my fantasy. More friends to call great, to call amazing -- better friends to replace the bad ones and my past ones. Friends that don't want drama just as much as myself. No middle school, high school or baby mama drama.
I want to be skinnier, but I'm scared. Scared that I'll look weird, that my personality will change and that my perspective on everything around me will change. I'm scared that I'll be left with reminders of that past and then, I'll have to live with it anyway -- I don't want to have to deal with that.
I want to be pretty. I want to be the girl that makes the other girls jealous -- like I am of my friends. I want to be the girl that can get whatever guy/girl she wants.
I want a father who gives a shit; one who takes responsibility for his past and present. I want a father who runs to the rescue, instead of to the bottle or the lighter. I want a father who knows what his purpose in life is...and does it. A father who doesn't give up and a father who can be a role model; my superhero.
I want to be loved, just like everyone else. I want a long, meaningful relationship like some of my friends have had. I want that! I've never had that before and even when I thought I did, my fantasy was crushed by her voice. She left me; not only physically, but also left me hurt for a long time. I want someone who won't cheat on me like she did. I want someone who wants to be with me and only me. I don't want to be the rebound, the friends with benefits or the 'cheatee'. I want to be the girl, their girl...their only girl. I want someone who cares about me, who surprises me by picking me up at school because they know I loathe the school bus, who calls me just to see how I am, who calls before they come over (so I can look amazing for them), who is willing to come over if I'm sad or alone, who will hold me close and never let me go and whisper things in my ear just to put a smile on my face. I want someone who will randomly take a marker and write 'I ♥ you' on my hand and I'll do the same to him, but...in his favorite color. I want their kisses to always make me smile, his hugs to make me feel warm and his cologne be the best fragrance in the world.
Why can't I be happy too?
I WANT: success, love, a boyfriend (correction; a good boyfriend), better grades, more/better friends, less drama, skinnier and a better father.