I found out the other day, shopping at Publix really is a pleasure,
In a weird funny type of way....

To properly portray my shopping story I must first tell you how I shop...

Since I don't get to the gym much any more, I turn shopping into the strong man competition. (An event they really should add.)

I get a basket and try and fit as much junk in it as possible, (carts are for people that are weak, or have big families) and what does not fit in that little basket I juggle down the isle with my free hand. Picking other items up at this point is a bit tricky, but it takes practice.

The plus side to this practice, it is an unwritten rule, that it does not matter how many items you can fit into one of those little baskets; if you only have a basket, you automaticaly qualify for the 10 items or less isle. Now if this is not so, I never heard it, but it may be that no one ever said anything to me about this, but maybe that is because of how buff I got over time from following this rule. (sure beats the gym)

Anyway, the main point is that Publix has become the enabler of the American dream, ie. someone else does all the work for you and you just watch. You ever try to bag your own groceries at Publix. It's like you just stole something; I found out why they hire 900 pound managers, it's so they can successfully tackle anyone that bags their own groceries. Of course this is really the managers only job, after you have been crushed and unable to move, they let some little person do all the hard work, and they just go back to there booth.

As a side note since we are at the bagging part of the story, I have been trying to figure out what the word "Sack" means in the English language according to Kansas. Because when I was recently in Kansas at a grocery store (NO it was not a Publix) the girl asked me if I wanted my groceries in a sack. I said no plastic is fine. I was guessing a sack was paper, maybe I should have asked. Because after checking out she asked me if I wanted my receipt in the sack... So I was pretty confused at this point, so I just said sure.

This was not the only communication problem though. When I first walked in I asked the clerk if they sold bottled water. Now given sometimes when I say water, my "Strong" Pennsylvania accent (kind of like when you are in the Carolina’s, ok not really), makes it sound like "wadder". But hey to date this is the first communication problem I have had, but maybe that is because 90% of the people in grocery stores down here don't speak English and sola Espanol so they don't understand anything your saying, but just nod and act like they are right on top of it, but that is for a whole other blog. Anyway, the clerk said no. So of course shocked, I declared "You don't have any bottled water, you know the stuff you drink." After this the clerk proceeded to tell me that they did not sell alcohol. I told him congrats on that, but what I am looking for is "bottled water." At this point I was about to get a pen out. Final after taking 50 minutes and pronunciating, I got pointed in the right dirrection.... All that work for paying $2 for a little bottle of water. I guess that is why Evian spelled backwards is Naive, but whatever, at least I will not be dieing of small pox. They don't say you ain't in Kansas any more for nothing....

Anyway, back to my main story, sorry I am prone to tangents. So I am at the check out in Pubblix, I got tackled by the manager for trying to bag my own groceries, some girl who is all of 50 pounds soaking wet is now bagging for me.

And this is when I found out first hand how bad smoking is for you...
It causes shortness of breath, wheezing, heart attacks, And that was just when I was standing in line and saw they now cost $5.00 a pack...

Good thing I don't smoke or I would be at the hospital every time I bought a pack....

Anyway, the girl that was bagging proceeds to ask me if she could carry my groceries out to my car... Now I am not sure if she was calling me weak, as like I said she weighed all of 50 pounds, she was in denial (thinking she could carry three times here body weight), or she had supper human power, either way, I told her I got it.... After this of course, she asked me if she could fetch me a buggy, I told here no, my car works just fine and I really don't know how to manage horses.