As I face the idea of leaving my job- I decided to take a look back at my "career"- I even made a resume- ya know, in case some place really crappy is hiring.
ILIZA SHLESINGER ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Working toward building a career in working.
2000-2007
CICI'S PIZZA -1 day
Assisted in wiping down the salad bar… That's as far as I got before my mom told me to quit.
SPEEDO STORE (Dallas Galleria Mall) 3 days
Assisted in helping weird European tourists try on Speedos. Quit out of boredom and my dislike for wearing athletic shorts in the winter.
THE BODY SHOP (Dallas Galleria Mall) - A while
Best fing job ever. Duties included selling make up to girls who didn't need it, peddling water-scented-chi-karma infused bath gel to men out of ideas for gifts around at Christmas and stealing unsold merchandise from the company storage unit. Need Peppermint foot cream? I'm your guy.
STEVE MADDEN SHOES (Dallas Galleria Mall) - 3 months
Duties included selling shoes named things like "Candy" "Flirty" and "Tancy" for girls named things like Candy, Flirty and Tancy. Was phased out of the work schedule when I stopped calling in for shifts due to an over zealous coworker…We're working for commission, not blood, ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Erin!
THE GRENADA MOVIE THEATER AND GRILL (Dallas, TX) - 2 months
Ticket seller, not ticket taker. Would spend countless hours staring out the ticket window thinking "this is the part of my autobiography where I'm failing". Was again, phased out of the work schedule- details are sketchy.
SIGNATURE ATHLETIC CLUB (Dallas, TX) - a month?
Having belonged to this upscale club when I was a kid (my family belonged, not me), now being an employee, it was a bit like a Cinderella story- but just the first part- there was no ball. They gave me a name tag of some other girls name, a sweet XXL jean shirt which I had to, ugh, tuck INTO khakis... not worth the free membership.
CANDYLAND (Boston, MA) – 1 day
Duties included walking around the 20 X 30 ft store asking people if they needed help and telling them not to sample the goods without my assistance. The final straw in that 8 hour shift of saccharine misery was me having to refill a candy bin by pouring in a 10 lb bag of M&Ms into it. They ended up on the floor…and I with them…eating them…fast as I could so as to hide the evidence. They never heard from me again and I hope they went out of business.
PT'S WORLD FAMOUS GENTLEMEN'S CLUB (Dallas, TX) 3 days
Hired on as the door girl. One day my boss called me into his office and said "touch my balls" referring to the Asian stress balls he had on his desk... I have a feeling he meant his nut sack and not the Asian Stress Balls. Quit after they refused to pay me but offered me a different kind of job.
J's BREAKFAST AND BURGER (Dallas, TX) A summer
Duties included being a waitress in one of the only diners where the wait staff could smoke while taking orders, giving lonely old men their coffee and being called the smartest person ever by the other waitress because I was in college.
NORTH DALLAS CLUB/BAR (Dallas, TX) – A summer
Hired on as a man named Don's personal assistant. Duties included watching him smoke cigarettes, listening to him bitch about his Dental Technician wife, eating lunch with him and filtering the 5 phone calls a day. Since I was a film major in college, they thought I would make a good DJ, you know, technology and all- so they hired me as a part time DJ. Duties included putting a "Now That's What I Call Music" Cd on repeat while I drank and did drugs…Oh, and played darts.
ASSISTANT TO THE PRODUCER OF AMERICAN PIE 4-(Los Angeles, CA) 5 weeks
Duties included trying to blend into an already tightly knit production office, playing online and pretending to file…I did, however, get to read the Red Eye screenplay before it hit theaters. Then I was let go.
P.A. ON THE SET OF A LISA MARIE PRESLEY MUSIC VIDEO (LA) 1 day
Duties included watching Lisa Marie Presley make a jack ass out of herself while Quentin Tarantino made a cameo and an even bigger ass out of himself. Duties also included holding a fan facing her to make her hair blow sexily behind her. Self appointed duties: Keeping the fan on ""high" resulting in hair going everywhere and several subsequent retakes.
PLANET 3 CREATIVE AGENCY- (LA) – one year
Duties included pretending to be awake, watching TV and finding a spot near a window where I could sun myself while the "boutique" agency struggled to find clients. I was let go.