Today’s blog is going to be the three horoscopes given to us in a local Monterey, CA paper. Due to its awesomeness here they are unedited!

Eric: Gemini

I climbed the endless steps to the sanctuary, brushing off large spiders that kept landing on me. I stood in the rain for hours waiting for the gates to open. The guardian of the threshold wouldn't let me in until I answered his tricky and sometimes insulting questions. Through it all, I maintained my patience and poise and reverence. At no time did I give in to the temptation to curse the difficulties. And when I finally entered, when I got my chance to penetrate to the heart of the rose petal-strewn labyrinth, my persistence was rewarded. As I knelt there in amused awe, face to face with the sacred jokester, I got a useful answer to the most important question in my life. Would you like a comparable experience, Gemini? It's possible in the coming week.

Johnny & Scott: Capricorn

I wouldn’t be surprised if your whole life passed instantly before your eyes one day soon. Not because you’ll come close to literal physical death or anything dangerous at all, but rather because you will have a brush with a magic power that could be yours in the future-a magic power that will be possible for you to fully own only if you cut the umbilicus that links you to a dying source. Wow. Did I really say that in a fun little astrology column? And are you really prepared to change your life because of a something you read in a fun little astrology column? I hope so. In the coming weeks, it’ll be the fun little things that have the greatest potential to align you more closely with your soul's code.

Jeff: Aquarius

In the days ahead, you may not realize what you’re looking for until you find it. I advise you, therefore, to put into action the following five-point plan. 1) suppress any know-it-all tendencies you might have. 2) revive your child-hood talent for being voraciously curious about everything. 3) ask more questions than you’ve ever asked before. 4) figure out how to be receptive without being passive, and how you can be humble without muffling your self-confidence. 5) consider the possibility that you have a lot to learn about what’s best for you.

Wow...wtf?

Soooo...if you liked these and are interested in more check out Rob Brezsny at RealAstrology.com. We're gonna be in Monterey a bit longer than we ever hoped. In the land of Lamborghini's and Ferrari's.

-Johnny