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Current mood:  sick Category: Blogging
Just sitting here...listening to Combichrist, trying to get over an INSANELY INTENSE chest cold...mmm. Just thinking about all the concerts i've seen, missed, cried about missing...cried about being there, sheer happiness...sheer....anger, frustration, washed away by the smell of beer, pot...blood....sweat...feeling heavy bodies push and tug and sway violently, lost in a similiar daze of sheer emotion. Mmm...Chimaira, Deftones, Slayer and Hatebreed were the most emotional for me, The Cure OF COURSE, that one goes without saying, but....being on the floor, crowd wise...Slayer and Hatebreed take it, for now. When I get to see Otep...(I'm saying WHEN because I will fly somewhere, anywhere to see them...sadly, when I had that glorious chance I couldn't get there, but regardless, this time if I get the chance...i'm taking it.) All my concerts combined won't compare to that amazing night when it happens, I can guarantee that...ahhh...yes.
Anyways...thinking about Hatebreed and Slayer...Hatebreed was extremely emotional for me, that band has helped me through so, SO much...it wasn' t the first time i've cried while being in a pit, regardless of how baby-ish that sounds, i've never felt stress relief so amazing than being blinded by tears, blood and sweat...punching, pushing, clawing...people two, three...four times my size...it's an amazing feeling, truly. Getting to touch Jamey was equally emotional...(Haha, that could sound bad, eh? XD)...someone i've idolized for so long, knowing that they're real and they're not a complete dick...*cough* MR. BLYTHE, I'M LOOKING TOWARDS YOU. T_T;; *cough* BUT...he knows he's an asshole, yet for some reason you can't NOT love him. XD Ahaha...yeah.
Deftones...I had several panic attacks, haha, that was NOT cool...because that sucked something terrible. :( Amazing show none the less...I KNEW it was going to be amazing and intense, but not anywhere near what it turned into, it was its own glorious beast. Chino is one of my idols, haha, always has been, even when I was younger...fuck yes. XD Deftones helped me out through a ton of things when nothing else did...mmmm...that was such an amazing night, the show was so fucking amazing, words can't even describe it. <3
Slayer...mother. fucking. SLAYERRRR...this one should really go without saying, all you need to do is tell someone you were at a Slayer show and they SHOULD understand how insane it was, unless they're complete morons, hahahaha. (Or rabid Metallica fans that start to rant that their concert was more intense...-_-;) Don't get me wrong, I do like Metallica, I do...but please, PLEASE don't tell me that your concert was more crazy and insane than mine...we broke the security barrier twice and broke a huge chunk of the floor at Shaw...that didn't happen at Rexall now did it?) xP ANYWAYS...Slayer...was...a constant orgasm. I can guarantee you that, hahaha...not just Slayer, but the entire line-up before them...ahhh...fuck yes. The pit for Slayer...was...words can't even begin to describe it, I don't think there are words invented to describe a Slayer pit...to steal something one of my uber bestest friends told me, to be quite honest, I felt like a virgin getting their cherry popped in the most violent orgy in existance......I wouldn't trade that for anything else. I can clearly remember walking out of the pit with blood running down my face, some super preppy, brown haired, snotty bitch telling me with a very disgusted face, that my head was bleeding. I replied with a smile, and a calm, teasing tone..."It's SLAYER...this is the least of what's going to happen tonight, you want to come back in there with me?".....Hehehe...oh my Goddess, the look she gave me was quite delightful. XD
Completely orgasmic...someone groped me, I punched him in the face...he ran into me later and bought me a beer. LOL...talk about random, hahaha....I remember him saying to me that anyone my size that was in that pit to begin with deserves a medal, forget punching him because he touched me. LOL...fuck, that was such an amazing night. God damn. It definitely helped to lose your mind that night...I remember watching Brad land on his head, flat on the concrete,from 6 feet in the air...hahaha...all he said was, "OH MY GOD...THAT WAS AMAZING!" I giggled, took a look around for a second, admist all the chaos going on around me...it makes me cream myself just thinking back to it, seriously.
Cannibal Corpse at Sounds was another story, hahaha...that Sounds was fucking amazing, got to meet and get autographs from the guys, talk to them for almost an hour...busted up my legs during that pit, I was actually scared to tell the truth. Usually when you're in a pit,you never really fall, you always almost hit the floor, but there's so many people around you that you get watched out for...not that time. That time, I got trampled and crushed...it was terrifying, ..it was dark, muffled...deafening...all I remember was being stuck in the insane chaos, not being able to move, breathe or think...intense pain, then nothing. 2 guys were dragging me off the floor, back towards merch, back towards the medics...I told them to wait a second, I love this song. They said I was bleeding and really needed to get some help, I told them that I didn't pay my damn money to miss CC because I got hurt, fuck that...I was going to hear Bloody Entrails Ripped From A Virgins Cunt whether I was hurt or not.
But, I digress...when I get to see Otep, nothing will be safe...regardless of who i'm with, what's happening in my life...that night will be my release, the overwhelming high of my spiritual orgasm...that much, I can guarantee you. I'm going to cry, thrash, punch, bleed, beat and mentally fuck everything and everyone in my way....ohhh...it'll be absolute, uncontrollable chaos. And i'm going to enjoy every single second of it. <3
On a side note, concerts are my way of release...art, writing, video games...they all help me out in the mean times, I enjoy them very, VERY much...but concerts are the pinnacle of it all, most people that know me don't know a whole lot about me, (that's really MY fault, I don't open up to many people at all...only about 4 of you know things about me that I haven't and don't trust anyone else with, so FEEL SPECIAL :P) I am a very angry person, I really am...people that know me well enough know that, I am...angry, sarcastic, rude, selfish...the list can go on, i'm not always mean and angry, but when I am....and to everyone that's sadly been involved with me when I get in my moods, I really am sorry for what gets said and in some cases...what didn't get said. So, i'm sorry. But...concerts help that, help it better than any pills could, better than any therapy could...anyone that's been on the floor, in the pit, slipping on spilled beer, blood, sweat...(or sliding off of sweaty guys with no shirts, LOL)...being in THAT moment...it's euphoric. For THAT moment...nothing matters...the pain you're in, the blood you've shed...it really is like one, big orgasmic release of...emotions...pent up anger, frustration, happiness, fear, resentment...every single thing you've been going through, or have gone through...all of it comes out, every single ounce...nothing feels better. It's quite like sex when it's all over with...frazzled hair, sweaty bodies, the satisfied feeling of the night that seemed to go by too fast...talking to your friends on the way home when it's over, talking excitedly about what happened, who went through what...the second wind you get after you just went through 7 hours of sheer insanity. Exhausted, still covered in sweat, beer, dried blood...but you wouldn't mind another round of it. *giggles* Ahhh...Goddess, life is amazing. <3
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