I changed my XboxLive gamertag.

I know you don't care, as most people who consider themselves "mature" and "adults" find such things as wastes of time. I guess I'll never get over my want to kill some random 12 year old British kid with an e-machine-gun. And then taunt him after the game. Even if I lose.

Such was the case that led to the name change. Sort of.

This goes back several weeks now. We were enjoying the new Call of Duty: World at War, playing Hardcore Search and Destroy. My team lost. Badly. Horrifically might even be a better term.

After the game, we get into the online lobby to wait for the next game to start, and some mouthy wigger from Canadialand starts spouting off about how badly we suck, and yo momma, and wiggedy wiggedy wiggedy whack and such. You know the type.

One of the things we (the people I play with online) like to do is look up the other persons online profile and read select parts or critique spelling (U SUK NO u LOL OMGBYOBBBBQ!) or just point out the dumb shit people post.

The best one I had seen before this particular douchebag was: "What up I'm white" followed by "I ryde dirtbykes".

This new guy...I could already tell it wasn't going to end well.

Mr IgotmygattokyllU187Mofo (or something like that) did have a bio typed out. Nothing really special, generic homey I'm-from-the-mean-streets-of-Windsor horseshit.

But, his motto was "RIP Uncle Mark"

Just as the game starts loading, I pull a note out of Lil Jimmy Norden's book and belt out a "Raaaaaaaamoooooooone!!!! This guy's uncle died of AIDS!!!!!!!"

I don't know exactly what happened during the next game, but Mr Badass got wrecked. Badly.

We came back to the lobby, and there general chatter until fuckstick says "Which one of you ignorant fucks said something about my uncle"

Dead silence hits the room. For about 2 seconds.

I chime in with "Me....and fuck your uncle"

Now....would if you're going to start ranting at some random asshole online (who is mocking a dead relative) what's the worst thing you could start with? Think about that for a minute.

Got it?

After some reconsideration, the worst thing I came up with was "yes, in fact you are correct. My uncle DID die of AIDS, and I'm hoping he didn't pass it on to me any one of those times I had my face buried in a pillow, dreaming I was somewhere far, far away"

Well, the runner up is definitely "My uncle HUNG HIMSELF!"

Silence for a second. It appears our misunderstood hero was just lashing out and angry at the world because he lost a beloved family member, and talking trash online made him feel good about himself. Maybe we should take it in stride and realize that the guy is going through a hard time.

Not wasting a second "Wow. I'm jealous. I wish MY uncle doubled as a Christmas tree ornament"

The screaming that came through my headset after that was so angry and loud it sounded like we were all being treated to hearing an exorcism via XboxLive. The next several games consisted of this guy killing everyone he could, team included, so we could get back to the lobby faster so he could continue to scream at me about hoping the my family dies and such. All threats and taunts were met with such gems as "Well, at least you stand to inherit some INXS money" (a nice Michael Hutchence reference), "Say hello to Uncle Windsock for me", "Let's switch to Capture *whateverhisgamertagis*'s Uncle" (there's a Capture the Flag mode on COD), "did you run him up a pole to see who salutes?" and such.

Finally, the teams are loaded so that he's on MY team. All he's wanted for the last, at this point, half an hour is to kill me as much as possible. He hasn't been able to yet. But now,  he's on my team, making it a hell of a lot easier to kill me.

Now, most team killers will hunt down their own members with knives or machine guns, and at least make it sporting and fun for all. Some pussies just try and find the biggest, baddest, most explosive weapon (C4, RPGs) and blow it up as soon as the game starts, wiping out the whole team in one fell swoop.

Not being a complete fucking moron, I figured he'd opt for the latter, so when the game started, I sat a couple seconds longer than usual in my load out screen. When I finally entered the game, the whole entire team was dead.

Except for me.

Now, it didn't take long for the entire other team to gang up and shoot me like an Operation Valkyrie conspirator^. That's fine. We're waiting for the round to change and now everyone, both teams included, were tearing this guy apart for using a rocket to kill everyone. Everyone except the one target he was actually gunning for: me (dur). The next round, same exact thing happens. This guy is losing his shit now, screaming, yelling, probably kicking animals. One more round, same results.

Of course, I can't keep quiet. "Hey, maybe he swung himself because you suck at Xbox."

That's when he left. Filed a complaint against me. Also, bad feedback.

It's ok, though. He who laughs last, etc:


..

^yes, I ruined the end of the upcoming Tom Cruise comeback-vehicle. You know, for those of you that didn't already know that Hitler was not, in fact, assassinated.