So the other night I let this guy that I met on hotornot take me out.  Well not really.  It was more like I let him drive me home.  We had been talking for days and I just wanted to meet him.  He's a singer.  Can you blame me?  He has his own jazz orchestra that he put together and does gigs with.  He looks like one of those 50s tall, thin and gangly crooners.  He sort of has a style that matches a young Sinatra.  But I won't tell him that I think so just yet.  I made him nervous when I decided to sing a jazz song for him.  He was all flustered saying that I'm a legit singer.  How could he possibly sing to me. 

       He's a nice guy.  He isn't grabby, rude, opens your doors for you, doesn't tell you every little gross thought in his head, is the sort that you can feel staring at you when you look away, and is even a pretty good kisser.  But what troubles me is that I noticed something again.  I seem to be the sort of girl that just shuts herself off.  It's like the minute someone gets close to anything with me I shut down.  I'm very used to doing that with guys.  With girls I do it a little less.  But what's wrong with me?  What's happened to me honestly?  Am I always going to be like this?  I've felt weird for a while since  dating this one girl went sort of sour months ago too fast and for reasons still unbeknownst to me.  Am I doomed to not feel much anymore even if the other person is gushing a bit?  I have got to figure that one out.  It's troublesome.