Hello lovelies,

My June 25th show has been cancelled, but mark your calendars now for a September 19th show at Tangier. It's a Friday, and this is a LOT of notice, so there you go. I love you. I'd love you more if you came.

Just kidding! Kind of.

Until then, I'll be doing some acoustic sets at Borders (which are always deliciously awkward) and planning for a new EP.

In other news, I switched over to a new host for my website and am still in the process of figuring out my new webmail, little details like formatting, settings, spam blocking, etc...I have been absolutely wowed by some of the clever ways people advertise penis enlargement products - some of my favorite e-mail titles (with commentary) below:


Gain a huge cannon for love

--Very clever substitution for the word penis, major points for working in a weapon most commonly used during the WW1 & WW2 era. On a 1-10 scale, I give it a 7.--


Do not limit itself in your desires

--I really like this. It's an appeal to live your life to the fullest which is vague enough to be applicable to almost any self-improvement but also makes use of the word "desires" which gives the whole thing a somewhat hedonistic tone. Very nice, most definitely a 9!--


Don't be sad about badboner. We will help you!

--Very smart approach - the directness of the statement is tempered by the sympathetic tone. They're empathizing with the reader and offering concrete solutions to their problem. Classy, but points off for the shoddy grammar in the first line. I give it a 6!--


I only want to make you feel good

--Now this one's sneaky...because we all want to feel good, and the offer is enticing and just vague enough not to offend someone with delicate sensibilities - I like it, another 10.--


Breathe a new life into your love organ

--This one's just brilliant - it doesn't pussyfoot around the subject and really paints a picture with words, doesn't it? It also mentions the word "love" which makes it less about sex and more about relationship, and that only broadens the appeal. I give it a 10!--


Prepare for the time of your lives

--Whoa, ok, this is a bold and brazen statement. If they can promise us the time of our lives, then I'm intrigued. Tell me more! I give it a 9.--


Sex in the city with your enlarged rod

--This one's 50/50 for me - points for being current on pop culture, but negative points for using the word "rod" when something more imaginative like "love organ" and "huge cannon" are so readily available. It's like they started off strong in the first half and lost steam in the last half. Come on guys, I know you can do better than this! An 8! Replace "enlarged rod" with any of the above suggestions, and you'll have a perfect 10!--


Brad Pitt uses this stuff

--Ah, the false celebrity endorsement - lazy but sometimes effective. This one's in the 6-7 range.--


Not too old to increase your size

--This one is right on so many levels. It appeals to a specific demographic. It's vague but not too vague. It also implies that this manufacturer is firmly against age-ism. I give it a 9!--


It's odd that I'm starting to look forward to cleaning out my inbox every day, right? Yeah, I don't need you to tell me it's odd. I know it is.

I hope your weeks are starting out beautifully, that you all feel good and prepare for the time of your lives today...

Love,
Katrina