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Current mood:  confident
YES! I am the closest I have ever been in my life to truly being "Happily
Single" & I hope I don't jinx that by writing this ;-) 1st & foremost I'm writing this blog to get some things off my chest so that I may be able to form a strong resolve as to where I'm at & where I'm going in life. I have come to the realization after repeated failed relationships that I am the kind of guy who sucks at relationships AND being single. Talk about a curse! I've never been able to find happiness in either state so I'm determined to change that. My goal is to learn how to be a single guy & be happy with this while growing in the ways necessary to my becoming a success story in the relationship realm. This is ultimately what I want. I love being in love & hope to ultimately find a relationship which will last until we both pass on. With anything in life there is a give & take of sorts & I have knowingly taken a different path than most. For the time being, I have traded love, marriage, a family & all of the nice things money can buy to follow my passion in life & live my dream. I believe that
nothing worth a shit in life is obtained without sacrifice & my sacrifice has been huge. I ponder my life & my choices daily & often question myself as to whether I'm doing the right thing but deep down in my heart & soul I know that I'm doing what's right. This is what I was meant to do & to deny it would be a crime to myself, my son, my family, my friends, to all of you & the entire wolrd around me. I would carry that unsung resentment & disdain for my self throughout my life & it would infect all that I touch. I won't be that spoiled kid who takes what they have for granted because i am all too aware of how much I have given up to make this dream a reality. However, I do have to admit that I've been guilty of taking my relationships for granted at times. I'm a woman's worst nightmare in many aspects. On one hand I'm a singer/musician who is kind, loving, passionate, honest, silly, generally cheerful, spontaneous & giving but on the flip side I'm quite possibly the most self absorbed & driven person you'll ever meet & one who does not take well to his passion (music) being questioned & or contended with. I have fallen into too many relationships where my GF has instantly placed me into the center of her universe & my being gone as much as I am (Shows/touring/parenthood) quickly turned this scenario into an unhealthy & often unsatisfied obsession on her part. I on the other hand have two things already firmly placed in the center of my universe- The apparent love in my life is music & the biggest is my son. I am loyal & true & would never cheat on my girl friend or wife (should I ever get hitched) but the romantic relationship will come in 3rd place on a regular basis when Music & Parenhood are put into the mix which is almost always. Any girl who questions this or tries to upset this balance is ultimately wasting both her & my time in a relationship that was doomed before it began. I guess that's part of why I'm where I'm at now & why I'm writing this blog. I'm in no hurry to let anyone down or be hurt by this ill-fated struggle again anytime soon. I'm a tough deal to take & I've come to the conclusion that it's going to take a very special woman to be compatible with my life & handle me. I believe that capable women are out there but I'm in no hurry to waste my time in another relationship with a woman who is less than what I need. Nor do I want to waste someone's time by not being the type of man she needs. Too much hurt comes from this so I'm determined to steer clear until the right woman/situation should come along. Do I get lonely? I think my debut album's title says it all- Sure I do! That's all the more reason why I want to stay happily single. This doesn't mean being a player and having sex with any & every girl I meet who wants to sleep with me but rather being open to experience what life has to offer & growing stronger along the way. Developing a keener sense of what I want & need in a woman while becoming more honed as to what my woman to be will in turn want & need from me. Sex & intimacy are important to me & part of any healthy relationship so I'm not planning on being a saint but I do plan on being honest & being a gentleman to any & every woman I meet. I make it a point to treat each person I meet with respect & kindness regardless of sex, race, age, nationality, etc. anyway. The only differing factor here is that on a primal level I am undeniabley a man who is attracted to women. I don't believe that this gives me (or anyone) carte blanche to be a dishonest player in my opinion though. I hope I haven't rambled too much with this. I'm starting to see double (triple even! :-) so I'm going to to hit the hay. I'll definitely revisit this blog soon though to reflect, add & or edit any type-o's if necessary. Thanks for reading this My Friends!
10:23 AM
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