Always , in the corner of the rehearsal rooms we use, there’s a Roland Jazz Chorus guitar amplifier. Anyone who plays the guitar will know that this is the equivalent of a Bubble car or the Sinclair ZX Spectrum. I’ve never seen anyone even plug it in and use it. I wouldn’t. I don’t know why its there. Maybe its actually a seat disguised as an amp. But every time I get my guitar out of its case and plug it into the Marshall, the Jazz Chorus looks over at me pleadingly saying “Cant you just play something by Orange Juice on me just for old time’s sake?”.

There’s something great about old music technology that’s gone out of fashion. What you can always bet on is that in the future there will be some band who will go out of their way to be seen playing Jazz Choruses. The other day I walked into a music shop and I was nearly hit on the face by ukeleles hanging from a stand- they looked like they were growing, like coconuts. But since Noah and the Whale had a “uke” on that song with the whistling bit last year about going to the zoo -you can hardly move for ukulele players at the queue in the post office.

Here’s my list of top old school music gear:

1/ Perspex drums

If you go on youtube and look for mid 70’s stuff you’ll always come across some guy playing a set of see through drums. Too easy to put your foot through them after the gig though.

2/ Perspex see through guitars

Following on from the above I once saw a picture of Keith Richards playing one of these. Keith Richards could be playing an ironing board and he’d still look super cool. Not so good if you piss yourself though.

3/ Those Roland guitar synths from the 80’s (Roland 400).

These are midi controllers that don’t actually have a sound. A bit like a vacuum cleaner with a bag,  but no suction. I remember seeing “Les Rythmes Digitales” playing two of these to about 5 people in ....Glasgow.... and it looked so good I went out and bought their album the next day. Someone needs to invent an ultra light grand piano that you can carry around your neck.

4/ That funny box thing that Little Boots plays.

I have only seen this on tv. It looks like a game where you push a coloured button and then another and so on. Little Boots seemed to be pressing for a lift (what floor?) on stage in front of thousands of people. Suppose it must be a sequencer. In 20 years time people will be going on about that funny little box Little Boots played. She was probably miming and it was in fact just a box with some lights on it and she was controlling the lift back at her Travelodge.

5/ Roland Space Echo

I used to go to a studio where everyone would be happy with the finished mix of the song and we’d be busily packing up our bags. The engineer would then say “why don’t we put it though the Space Echo?”. Just the name itself would get everyone excited, bringing images of Saturn 5 rockets and Space Shuttles. Actually, it’s just a black box with some tape in it. Then we would have to pay him another hours studio time while he connected it up, calibrated it and then shazam! The mix sounded exactly the same.

6/ Double necked guitars

I’ve always wondered how big the case must be for these and what’s the record for the number of guitars joined together?

7/ Fairlight synths from early 80s

Think “Hounds of Love” by Kate Bush. Yes, brilliant song. But these cost £70,000 when they first came out. You can buy some software for £50 now that sounds exactly the same.  Don’t tell Kate though.

8/ Jackson Charvel guitars with crazy circle designs on them like used by Twisted Sister

Personally I love these but there’s a definite danger of being hypnotised if you looked at your guitar for too long.

9/ Fender 73 or Wurlitzer keys

These sound amazing- think “Youre my Best Friend “ by Queen. However I’ve never known anyone who has an original -who at the same time doesn’t have a long and complicated story about where and when they got it on e bay, down to the postcode, amount of petrol used to pick it up, what services they stopped at one the way, how much work they did to fix it up and how its now “worth 3 times” what they got it for. I’ve actually been looking for one on e bay myself and cant wait to get my boring story together.

10/ Pro Tools

Most people use this to record nowadays. But in 2050 someone will be getting a vintage Applemac computer out the cupboard for that old school “noughties pro tools sound”.