I don't blog nearly as much as I used to, and that's mostly because I'm so stinking busy with work, both from my normal job, and from my other gig as a tackling dummy for a 6 and a 3-year-old.

But this morning, news broke which made me certain the end of humankind is right around the corner, and I had to write this blog. Maybe other people don't think it's all that big of a deal, and some others might yet still suggest that this sort of thing is tabloidesque chewing gum, and not a real news item.

But when you look closely at the incident which I am about to refer to, it's clear that humanity is now officially circling the drain.

What could this harbinger of doom possibly be, you ask?

It's the news that Mutt Lange has left Shania Twain.

Why is this a big deal? Well, let me be frank. With all due deference to big shot songwriter/producer Mr. Lange, whose work with Def Leppard is probably the finest musical composition rock has ever seen, the dude is to good looks what a steaming pile of rat puke is to fine dining.



This guy is the example of what might happen should Porky Pig and the Lion from the Wizard of Oz ever decide to breed. One might suspect he actually oinks.

And, yet, what has this guy with the swine snout and the unkempt homeless guy hair decided? Well, he's decided that this woman...



...is not hot enough for him.

Not. Hot. Enough.

Can you imagine being this guy?

Mutt: Gee, I'm really sorry, Shania, but when you make my breakfast, looking like this...



...or when I come home and find you twirling 'round the bed posts looking like this...



...or when you get ready to leave for work to make me another cool million dollars looking like this...



...it just doesn't do it for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to send small children into a hysterical panic of fear just by walking down the street.

This is especially disturbing for me, because as I've chronicled for you fine readers before, my OH-so-hot wife is way the hell out of my league as well. So I have an especially acute understanding of how lucky goofy-looking creative types are when they score big with a hot girl. This isn't something an ugly dude can just take for granted, much less toss in the toilet, unless the universe is spiraling into armageddon. It's against the laws of nature.

So take note, world.

Mutt Lange is the first sign of the apocalypse.

You might want to drop by Home Depot on the way home from work tonight, to pick up some plans for that bunker you'll be needing to build.