First off, it appears my blog has had over 10,000 views since its birth - that is incredible.  Second, this blog is a response to the unacceptable behavior I have witnessed on facebook event invitations!  It is time to address the inconsistency and incompetence by laying some ground rules for how to react when you are invited to a show...

Okay, so I realize we all get inundated with many event invitations – I mean I'm even in a group that's called "everything in my inbox is an invitation to your show" or something like that… I'm not saying that you have to go to everything you are invited to – that would be impossible and preposterous… however, I feel like people need to be more HONEST – not necessarily blunt to the point where feelings get hurt – but HONEST.

In the ideal situation, you would put "yes" on the event listing and attend the show.  In the ideal situation, everyone can come to everyone else's shows, and there are packed, sold-out crowds lining the block demanding entry.  In the real world, not every one of your 1400 facebook friends is going to come to your show… some live in Europe… some have insane schedules… some are so poor they can barely pay their cell phone bill… This is fine.  However, lying about coming to a show should not be tolerated.

When you have 22 yeses and during your show, you slowly notice that over half of the people who put "yes" on the facebook invitation have not come.  Not wanting to be too childish or petty, I squashed the urge to confront the liars, and am instead writing this hopefully humorous and poignant blog…

When you put "yes" on a facebook invitation, you are saying:  "I WILL BE AT YOUR SHOW BARRING AN UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCE."  Yes, unforeseen circumstances do come up (for instance, one of the supposed to be attendees from my last show's best friend went into labor – that's a decent excuse) – when this happens, it is courteous to write a note apologizing and explaining what happened.  The day of the show, people receive a handful of texts and notes with excuses ranging from lame to lamer to occasionally acceptable – now, the options here are whether you text right before a show, or wait till after… I would say given my experience, neither is optimal.  Optimal is COMING TO THE SHOW.  But barring that, I think it can be up to you whether you send a "break a leg, I couldn't catch the right train" text or wait till later at night and write an official email apology… though a before the show one does lead to disappointment right before the show, so maybe it is best to wait till afterwards…

The most important rule here is – do NOT SEND an email that is dated at the exact time the show is going on with a lame excuse.  And most especially don't lie and say you had to be somewhere when the show was happening, but accidentally send the email right when the show was happening proving your lying-ness!

So, anyway, let's delve: why would someone put "yes" without the intention of coming to the show?  

One of the yeses for my show was a theater company – obviously a company cannot attend a show.  One of the yeses lived in Boston.  When asked, she proclaimed: "I didn't want it to look like you had no one coming to your show!"  This is nice, however, this should be up to the show-haver whether or not he/ she wishes to actively lie about expected attendance – so if you are thinking about putting yes, but know you are a definite no, you should send a message saying that, so at least the inviter realizes you are a fake yes.

Perhaps you had no intention of going to a show, but you put "yes" accidentally?  I have heard that as an excuse before, as well – is it really that hard to work a facebook invite?  I do not wish to insult anyone, but let's think about this for a second – you get the invite on your requests page, and it clearly says "yes, maybe, no" … I think my computer-illiterate grandmother could figure this one out…

In any case, if you have accidentally put "yes" or you have unwisely put "yes" even though you were really a "maybe" there is a simple solution – when you see the event listed on your homepage – CLICK IT and CHANGE YOUR RESPONSE.  I believe that it is your responsibility to actively and accurately attend to your event invitations if you have a facebook account – otherwise, don't have one!

This is not hard.  A lot of times with shows, especially cabaret, there is a minimum amount of people you need to perform in the room.  This is an unfortunate reality, but a reality nonetheless.  If you are lying about coming the performer may not realize that he/ she needs to market/ nudge/ guilt more people.  This becomes leads to a financial loss – something no one in this economy is actively seeking right now (not that people ever actively seek it.)

Moving on… what does a "maybe" entail?

"Maybe" runs the gamut from responsible people to liars…  Responsible people are people who are almost definitely coming, but take their responsibility as an invitee very seriously, such that they do not want to put "yes" in case something comes up forcing them to be an unexpected "no."  I think caution is fine – I think it is far more exciting to find a "maybe" has become a "yes" than a "yes" has become a "no."  

The other extreme are people who are LYING.  They are NOT coming to your show.  They will NEVER be coming to the show.  The reasons for lying are genuinely conscientious, but could also be selfish.  Probably these people want to be nice by not outwardly saying "no."  They want you to still like them, or they sincerely don't want to hurt your feelings by putting "no."

Then there are the outliers in the middle – perhaps even true "maybe"s.  

These people honestly do not know if they can see the show because their lives are unexpected and unplanned.  While I think that planning is tantamount to an existence, most people are not like that.  I plan weeks in advance… I plan 5 minute breaks… But I get it.  People aren't all like me.  In fact most are not.  So, it is possible that there are actual people who are "maybe"s.  But, I would guess out of the 180 people who put maybe for my last show, at most 10% (18 people for the math inclined) were actually sincere "maybe"s.

It is my opinion that people should only put "maybe" if they are a true "maybe."  Lying just brings false hope. If you know you are not going to want to trek to the theater or not want to buy 2 drinks or don't even like the person who has invited you – then CLICK NO.

Finally, if you ARE a "maybe" even if you are NOT a planner, eventually as the day of the show creeps in, you will be aware of your change to a "yes" or "no".  Thus, you should click on the event when it's on your homepage (b/c they put all events you clicked "yes" or "maybe" for) and CHANGE YOUR RESPONSE.

IMPORTANT POINT:  When someone checks the event listing an hour before the show:  THERE SHOULD BE NO "MAYBE"s.  NONE.  PERIOD.

And now onto the NO!

There are two types of NO – real no and careless no.

If you see that the event lasts for more than one day, chances are there are more than one performance – I have had people put "no" only to realize that they could come to a different night – it is too time consuming to write on 400 people's walls, "btw, there are 3 nights" – so now I put it in the message I send with the invite in all CAPS – "THERE ARE THREE NIGHTS" – just to alleviate the problem of people who cursorily choose.

If you cannot see the show and are a TRUE NO, then the classy thing to do is write a note with your excuse for not coming, then to note when the show is going to be, and send a little "break a leg" note, as well as a follow up note asking how the show went!  I realize that most people don't do this… I realize that I don't do this… but perhaps I should.  Perhaps we ALL should.  Wouldn't facebook be a much nicer place if we all took the time to check in!  However, the problem with this is that if you don't have a good excuse for not going to the show, it becomes an issue of guilt… so maybe what we need to do is accept that not everyone is coming to our shows, and blindly accept "break a leg" and "how'd it go" comments without jumping right to the "why didn't you come?" hurt…

On that note, I also recommend that people don't even LOOK at the people who put NO. It gets upsetting, and you'll know who DID show up at the actual show.  Focus on the people who DID show up.  Reward those people.  I routinely send out "thank you" notes to every single person who attends one of my shows.  Also, when I'm offered free tickets to Broadway shows or movie screenings or if I'm asked to refer an actor for a gig, I jump straight to the people who supported me when I am trying to figure out whom to pick…

IMPORTANT POINT: Make sure your audience knows how much you appreciate them so they come back!

The final category on the facebook invitation are the non-responders.  This is perhaps the worst of all.  People not even willing to click on the event… however, these could also be people who are resistant to being on facebook in the first place… people who are so busy they would rather ignore everyone's invitations than deal with all of the problems that come with being a "yes," "no" or "maybe!"  This is perhaps very admirable… or perhaps very cowardly… in any case, though it is obviously not personal, I do believe that if someone has deigned to have a facebook that they should make it a point to actively participate.  

In conclusion, I think what is clear from each of the categories that the best thing to do is to be HONEST.  Respond to each event you are invited to with utmost HONESTY, and there is NO problem!  That is all we want – it might be a lonely word, but it is the only way we will KNOW how many people to expect at the show or the party or the restaurant…

FINAL IMPORTANT POINT:  BE HONESTLY SINCERE.

And while I have your captive attention… if you missed my last shows for a valid or a lame excuse, there is NO excuse for missing the youtube clips and mp3s!  I now have 12 mp3s and 6 youtube clips from Writer's Block available, as well as the ENTIRE 85 minute solo show "Seth Sings Bisen-Hersh" up on youtube.com/sethbh42 … You'll want to catch that before next year's sequel… "Seth Sings Bisen-Hersh II:  The Search for New Songs"   

Click here to catch up on my shows!!