well lets see a lot has happened since my last post. i had some crazy moment where my ssn card disapeared on me so i ended up having to start work three days later and getting put in the 3rd shift. on the plus side it means i get to avoid the sun and i get to work during their greatest rush of the day on the downside since my fat lazy ass never learned how to drive it means i have to roam around campus for the 2-3 hours it takes between the time i get off and the buses start running again and since the computer labs close at midnight for the time being that means outside with nothing warm but my zoolights sweater in 30 degree weather. good times. :(

 the place seems nice enough. for the first two hours i felt like a worthless infant because i only seemed to be getting in the way but by the end of it all i felt like i really started to get the hang of it. i even got to learn how to flip eggs but doing that shakey thing with the pan. i even get to wear one of those really cool white shirt black pants outfits you always see in the good resteraunts. perhaps i'm a nerd but i think i look wicked cool in it. :D the people seem pretty cool but a little too political and argumentative for my taste. always wanting to debate something or another and always tooting the enthnic pride horn. apparently it was one of their slowest days in a long time. it certainly didn't feel like much.

it's funny how in life nothing really compares to your first experience with something. subconciously or conciously you'll always compare what you see to that first moment or place or person. i step into a kitchen and all i can do is see the differences and the similarities between it and go and i've really begun to realize many things. mostly i realize just what a disapointment i must have been to some of the bosses. to bo especially. i mean he saw a lot in me and he really did give me tons of oppurtunities there and hell even let me get away with saying and doing some things that other people probably would have never gotten away with and in the end all i did was let him down. i know i could have done better. i know i still could. i want to apologize but i wouldn't dare try and step back into their lives right now because i know that in the end i pushed them too far, i overstepped my bounds too many times, i talked back once to often and now it's too late. i messed up things for everyone and i know that i'll be fine no matter what happens somehow i will be fine and i will get by someway. and i know that Go will and are doing just fine without me and that's okay. maybe i will go back for a week in march during ASU's spring break. maybe. i don't know. i want to go back in Sept. but the more i think about it the longer i stay gone the more i realize about what really went on the more i don't know if i want to go back at all. i wouldn't know what to say or do to ever make up for the disapointment i caused.

xoxo