5 years ago....

5 years ago on this day I never thought that the day before would
be the last day I would see my moms alive. It's always an awkward day for me each year- in fact each Holiday and Birthday. It's so painful to turn a new age and not have her there to wish me "Happy Birthday" when I'm used to her being the first person. It's hurts knowing that I've spent less than 18 years of my life knowing her and having her here, and that I'll probably spend more on this Earth without her being here physically.

I just stayed in the house today and reflected, cried it out a bit and had a conversation with my aunt.

What she mentioned on the phone was very reassuring to the fact that my mom is DEFINITELY my Angel. I know my mother loved my sister and I UNCONDITIONALLY! And my mother was a passionate woman and she loved HARD! I know that the reason why I am the way I am in terms of my heart, my talent, my intellect and my gifts are because of her- and that all of the amazing things happening and to come are because she's working with the Creator making sure her baby's taken care of.

There's still nothing like being able to hug, and converse with a loved one. Even though I talk to her now- I would love nothing more than to hear a response as opposed to just feeling and hoping to hear one. I would give anything just to hear her even nag me ALL DAY. I would appreciate every millisecond of those nagging moments.

I find it so ironic that the gravity of when you lose something really hits you- and then you appreciate it immensely. You recollect every moment, every fight, every hug, every time you were upset, every time you were disobedient, EVERYTHING. It's like I know that her presence is ALIVE and surrounds me daily- but I miss her hugs, her laugh, and her warmth. The times where she whooped my ass and then lectured me after telling me she didn't wanna go that route and how much she loved me. Who beats ya ass and then explains themselves after? lol

My mother was a powerful woman and I guess in her departure from this Earth she's become a powerful force. She instilled some many things in me and I find myself growing, learning so many things. And one of the most valuable lessons I've learned is that life is too short to care for shit that- in the end isn't of importance.
I would say in closing just live the best way you know how to, cherish the people you have and those who truly love you and just make things happen! I'm so grateful for having a great family and circle of true friends/extended family.

Yall know me like a book and I thank yall for supporting me in all of my many changes and moods. You serve as a reminder to my purpose and that I do have a special mission on this Earth and I didn't know why I was so "Special" but now I realize that I come from one of the finest, most beautiful, intelligent, and amazing woman to touch this Earth- and I've inherited my creativity from the Creator- so it's only right that I do it way big right?

I grind hard for yall and sometimes I feel like it ain't enough so I gotta turn it up another thousand notches. I love yall and I thank yall. See you at the top! Ma, I know you'll be waiting for me there right- cuz that's where you'd like to see your boy. I love you, and I miss you so much. I thank you for sending great people and opportunities my way and for keeping Grandma and the family going strong!  Wrote in purple cuz that's your favorite color! Hehe…..

_CaNNoN