I'm trying to date 100 men by June 9th, 2009.
Subsequently I've had to think of an approach that works with my lifestyle.
And ethics.
And aesthetics.

Seeing as I hate condoms with a passion for Christ, ha! -- and seeing as I don't want to bring an unwanted child in the world, and seeing as I've got to be efficient, I've come up with the following ashtray, I mean, strategy. Please comment:


PROPOSAL
If you are interested in a 1 cigarette date with the remarkable Alanna Lin (that's me), very ripe, very Catholic, very flexible female, Asian, 33 yr. old performance artist with a great day job who likes men a lot -- please submit a damn fine haiku as a comment to this blog, or if you are more private, to the LA Weekly. I figure if it's good enough, they'll publish it.

In both cases, please address the haiku to my alter-ego, Chairmeow, and include your offline/off-myspace email.

If my advisors like your haiku and your myspace photos don't scare me, I'll email you a smoking acceptance. Details will follow.

The benefits to applicants will be numerous and astounding. Consider it free publicity.
Courtesy of my company, Immaculate PR. "The Immaculate Conception" (tap your temple).

If I'm not moved by your haiku, maybe someone else will be.

Ta da.

http://www.myspace.com/fascinoma

Please distribute this text.

Thank you.



Hint: I dislike profanity. I enjoy the mildly obscene.