There is something so final about this summer and all my friendships. Somehow I have realized how much I am not valued or even considered here, where I grew up and my roots are supposed to be the strongest only prove to be my weakest link. I have not decided if it was my choice of friends or me. But, it still feels like I have to try too hard and I still am not good enough. I always tried to escape that feeling by avoiding home and being with my friends. Ultimately I have seen this summer that it is no different with my closest friends. I have been discarded for girlfriends, others. But kept on trying. It will all stop with me writing this and realizing the brutal truth that maybe all the relationships I had placed so much on have only given me false hope and ended up not meaning more to me or the other person, than just a chain of events that never really let us truly know each other.
Just by watching a party of the people I grew up with I see how superficial and sad they have all become to me. Comprehending that none of them realize what worthlessness they bring to friendships. Even those that have claimed to stand by me still cant stand up for the truth no matter how much they claim to. I may have contributed greatly to this situation by I still stand by my convictions and rigid standards. I believe that is what sets me apart to make me the outsider. My strengths have become my weaknesses and I thought friendships are only supposed to make ones character stronger. All that has materialized are my fails hopes crumbling around each persons feet in which they were placed.
Though this summer may have only held painful truths, there are a few greater facts that have come out of the gray areas. Those people that have let me down too many times may have caused me turmoil, I have finally met people in one year that have become closer to me than the ones I thought knew me the best. My future will only hold stronger, honest relationships. Realizing that is good enough for me. At the summers end I will return to where I feel most accepted and valued. That fact may be bitter sweet but well worth all the broken friendships I will be leaving behind.