I sit in this house, this house I am supposed to love and have countless happy memories in. But, the bad ones have overtaken the few that I had left. I have come to a point that I must make a choice. One that I do not want to make either way. So here I stand at the edge of a door, one that will be harder to enter but hold so much less pain than the room I am already in. Am I wrong or are they? That doesn’t matter to me anymore. I have fought a constant silent battle with them and within myself for too long. Something must give or I will shatter. That may be the thing I fear the most and will avoid at all costs. Even if that means leaving. I don’t want to go but I cannot stay any longer. I hate realizing this may be the end of it all. My connection will be severed if I walk threw that door. But am I willing to sacrifice my sanity and my own being if I stay? So many things have happened. Some of them I brought on myself but others, I was belittled and betrayed. I have come to the gut wrenching realization that I will never measure up. That hurts more than anything. All I want is for them to look at me threw those four eyes that have disapproved for so long and have them be proud and love me for who I am and not for what they want me to be. My soul is too weak to fight anymore. I cannot even write the words to describe how trapped I feel. I have never wanted it to all come down to this. But somehow once again we stand at the point we all know all too well. We are all too stubborn and not for our own good. Trust is what should be holding us together but there is none left. Lies have become the truth and the truth has become a lie. This is no longer a plight to get my way or disobey it has become something I must do for myself. I want to be loved more than anything but this room somehow squeezes it all out or pushes it away. Or maybe that’s me pushing because I have only gotten hurt in the end when I let it in. How did we all let this happen? We all had an equal hand in this ending. But I have to be the one to choose how to end this story. I have yet to take a step and I myself do not know what I will choose. -Alivia George 5/16/03