I don't know what's wrong with me. Obviously something had to be wrong with me, I just don't know what or where it's coming from and it's driving me past the point of crying and into the realm of depression and solitude.

Anyone that knows me, and I mean really knows me, knows that I don't accept defeat, nor do I do horribly in math. At this point in time, I'm broken down and defeat is looking pretty tempting right about now.

Why can't I grasp Probability and Statistics like I have every other math course that I've ever taken in my life? Were this class a grammar class, I know I would have to work extra hard, but a math class? I've NEVER had problems with math! I've always been the one understanding and helping those around me understand. Where's someone like that when you need them? I do the work in the books and get the answers correct. I go to take the online quizzes and tests for this class and I FAIL them! All except for one, but I made just a 75 on that, and I was excited! That's not like me, but I am pleased with any passing grade that I get in that class! I just took a test today. I studied all week, I went to a tutoring session last night, asked questions, came back and studied more. I worked in the book, I worked online. I was getting the answers correct! So how the hell do I go off and make a fucking 68.7 on my test today?!

I am past the verge of breaking down. I broke down as soon as I left class and called my mom. I started to cry. Hell, I'm crying right now thinking about it. I've done everything I can pretty much do and I still can't seem to do ANYTHING right! I just wish that there was something more I could do! I can't take this, I really can't. Especially with me wanting to get into the Radiology program next fall? I cannot have a bad grade in my math class. It's not possible.

Right now... my only solice is my music. I sit here listening to it and it calms me down a bit, but I know that there's still much more hardships to come. I just wish that there was something more I could do, but what options do I have left? I'm so stressed out because of all this and it's seriously driving me insane, I think.

I... I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I just accept defeat? I don't know... That wouldn't be like me in the least, but it may be reerved for my last option.

So now that leaves me with choice right now and that's to sit in this dorm room and cry, where no one can see me. I can't show people here that I'm weak. Hell, they don't even know me. I must be weak if I can't take this. Or maybe I'm just too hard on myself? I just wish it would all end. That would be nice.