So this is what this thing is right, going through the grind. Being a good dad and husband. Working your ass off and going in circles, spinning your wheels in the mud and not having a tow hitch.

So much is up in the air, so many unknowns even though I know myself now. I love my dog and my kid and miss the one I haven't seen in a very long time. I want my home back and life to get back to zero again. To find that balance in zen. I would love my wife more but that's another story. Kind of been trying to raise an adult child for a while and though I have hopes I don't know if things are going to go fast enough anymore.

I've spent 3 years as a hermit basically, avoiding the world at all cost possible to protect the things important in my life and that was intruded upon in a very big way and it's not had the best of consequences. The haunts from over tens years ago have found their way out of the closet. A life time buried and dealt with with a brutal vengeance and the possibility of dire consequences.

I don't know how this is all going to turn out though one thing is definite, there will be some big changes and they will come soon, fast and hard.