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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"



Last Updated: 11/25/2009

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Status: Single
City: CAPE CORAL
State: FL
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/11/2007
Monday, June 22, 2009 

Category: Life

B
eing the last one at the gym tonight, I offered to help the girl that works there close out by taking the garbage to the dumpster in the back.  Afterward, as I walked around the building to the front entrance, I took a quick glance at my car.

 
That wasn’t there.
 

Holy shit, I thought.  Did I park in the back this time?  Or further out?

 
I never park in the back, and my car was nowhere in the front to be found.  Son of a bitch!  My mind raced.  What the hell did I leave in it?  My cell phone?  My wallet?  Thank God I didn’t have my laptop in there!  Damn damn DAMN!  I just bought the damn thing a month ago!  Now all I could think about is what my mom said the day I brought my car home: “You know, Honda Accords are one of the most-stolen cars in America.”

 
“Mom,” I said at the time.  “I live in Cape Coral, not friggin’ Miami.”

 
I couldn’t believe that my mother’s concern had come to fruition.  Pissed, I barged back in the gym, knowing I’d have to call the police and my insurance company.  I was so distracted, in fact, that I tripped and nearly fell over…


 
…the bicycle I rode to the gym tonight.

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Della
Della Priest

 
Whew!
 
Posted by Della on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 1:59 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
You ain't kiddin'

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:14 AM
[Reply to this
Brandy

 
baahahahah...
DUDE - are you a stoner?

cause if not
you might as well be.

then you can, at least, blame it on the weed.

 
Posted by Brandy on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 2:17 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
No, but I'm thinking of takin' it up, just for the excuse.  Also, you missed a hell of a Pub Crawl.  Though, so did I.  About 75% of it anyway.  That's how much of it that's a total black spot in my memory.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:16 AM
[Reply to this
Brandy

 
you should, yes.
you really should.

*peer pressure*

i most highly recommend it.

 
Posted by Brandy on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 1:10 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Pass it over, man, alright...

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:30 PM
[Reply to this
HEIDE

 
I have done something even more absent-minded, as I actually got in some one else's car that my keyless entry opened, and after noticing a diaper bag on the seat I then realized I wasn't in my car, but an exact look-alike.
I bet you were happy to see your bike, though, Joe. I've been with other people when their cars were stolen, and I can tell you they go ape-nuts shit, and honestly, I can't blame them. You feel so frickin' violated.


 
Posted by HEIDE on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 2:29 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
How on Earth did your keyless entry open up someone else's car?

Yes, I was ecstatic to see my bike, that is for sure.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:17 AM
[Reply to this
Tina

 
Bwahahahaha....sounds like something I would do.

 
Posted by Tina on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 2:39 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
I'm doing it all too often anymore.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:18 AM
[Reply to this
lou hoover

 
guess all those endorphins didn't do anything for your memory . . .


i hope the girl was cute.

 
Posted by lou hoover on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 2:46 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Well, at least I'm looking good in the mirror. :-)

The girl is not in my age range, though I am thinking of adjusting my age range.  Yet again.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:21 AM
[Reply to this
Dew(ed)

 
hate those moments.

 
Posted by Dew(ed) on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:07 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
They are happening more and more.  At least this one was a happy ending.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:22 AM
[Reply to this
C.C.

 
Oh dear.... A mind is a terrible thing to lose... 


 
Posted by C.C. on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 3:33 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Some would say I lost mine a looooong time ago. :)

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 4:52 AM
[Reply to this
Chopped Liver

 
Some days, I just love you.

 
Posted by Chopped Liver on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 4:01 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
And on the other days? ;-)

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 4:53 AM
[Reply to this
Chopped Liver

 
Meh! ;)

 
Posted by Chopped Liver on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 3:42 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Is that code for "hot for your body"?

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 4:52 AM
[Reply to this
Chopped Liver

 
I think your Spy Gear decoder ring may be broken. :-p

 
Posted by Chopped Liver on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 7:07 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Right now it is saying "Chopped Liver wants nothing to do with Slow Joe".  You're right; it must be broken.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - 2:22 AM
[Reply to this
MousE

 
HAHAHAHA!


...I've had days like that, too.

She musta been perty, eh?

 
Posted by MousE on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 5:00 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
I have these days all the time.  Probably today, too.  Hey, where's my car?

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:31 PM
[Reply to this
Eve

 

Hee hee ... you're so ... human. 


 
Posted by Eve on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 6:08 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Glad to hear it.  Most of the time, the human race tries to disclaim that.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:31 PM
[Reply to this
Transitioning
Yep Yep

 
Now, that was good.

 
Posted by Transitioning on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 7:23 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Thank you.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:32 PM
[Reply to this
arlene2 .:deuce:.

 
that's absolutely hysterical! It happens to everyone sometime... then you feel like a retard for all the panic you just felt, Lmao

I've missed your blogs. You always make me laugh.

 
Posted by arlene2 .:deuce:. on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 11:28 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Thank you.  I'm sorry I don't blog more often anymore.  I'm just not into it as much anymore.  But I need to do it for my own sanity.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:33 PM
[Reply to this
Beth
Beth B.

 
Oh wow, I bet that got the adrenaline pumping!

 
Posted by Beth on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 1:37 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Yeah, which is why I needed to really pump it hard on the ride home: to outrace my shame and stupidity.


 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:34 PM
[Reply to this
Lisa
Lisa Squillace

 
lol  lovin it!! I've done that myself but I was walking and it was a bar giggles.  I bet that got your heart pumping better than the work out 
 
Posted by Lisa on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 1:50 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Honestly, the whole experience was about seven seconds long.  Amazing that I spent 20 minutes writing about it, everyone needs about 2-4 minutes to read it, and now we've had a day to talk about it.  But that is the one thing I like about writing: capturing moments. :-)

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:35 PM
[Reply to this
<*))meh)><
Sally Hellacious

 
close call, I am glad you're car wasn't stolen, but kinda sad that you are becoming senile
 
Posted by <*))meh)>< on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 4:13 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Huh?  What?  What are you talking about?  HEY, GET OFF MY LAWN!!

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:36 PM
[Reply to this
NMarie

 
Hahaha!  That is so freakin' funny!  I'm glad your car is safe, at home. 
 
Posted by NMarie on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 7:32 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Thanks.  Trust me, I am glad as well.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:36 PM
[Reply to this
Sandi's Random Inklings

 
Pshaw....

*smacks you*


Good one, Joe...

 
Posted by Sandi's Random Inklings on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 10:43 PM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Be careful smackin' me...I tend to like it.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Sunday, June 21, 2009 - 11:35 PM
[Reply to this
Virtual Flower

 
...and the next time you miss your sunglasses check the top of your head... :)
 
Posted by Virtual Flower on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 12:33 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Actually, right now they are lost at my parents' house.  They won't admit it, though.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 4:51 AM
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Lucky Lina
Lina Simmons

 
Why don't you tell everyone where you found it?
 
Posted by Lucky Lina on Sunday, August 09, 2009 - 2:09 AM
[Reply to this
Penny Lane

 
I used to park near the K-mart by RayJay Stadium. Until it got towed during a game. So then I parked closer to Chili's the next week, and YUP. Towed again. The lady at the impound lot remembered me from the week before, said, "sweetie, DON'T park there." Me: "DUH!"

 
Posted by Penny Lane on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 2:04 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
There is NO free parking near the stadium.  Believe me, I've tried.  Been a season ticket holder since '95

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 4:51 AM
[Reply to this
Sheila Delaney
Sheila Delaney

 
LOL  That sounds exactly like something I would do.
 
Posted by Sheila Delaney on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 6:52 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Then you must have a story.  Let's hear it! :-)

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 6:09 PM
[Reply to this
Black Widow

 
Such a wingnut!  I love it!

 
Posted by Black Widow on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 8:33 AM
[Reply to this
Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"

 
Thank you!  Good to see you!  Jeez, your daughter is a spitting image of you.

 
Posted by Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" on Monday, June 22, 2009 - 6:10 PM
[Reply to this
Black Widow

 
You don't know the half of it, people that KNOW us mistake us for each other in public all the time!

 
Posted by Black Widow on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - 12:46 PM
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