insignificant small random musings of a star-gazing voyager
insatiable yearnings of a lost soul aspiring for the missing puzzle pieces so far away...concurrently deeply careful not to disrupt or disturb the gentle, delicate and free. unconditional care, concern & love dwell within a desire to atone. breathless, shell-shocked and tongue-tied. streetlights beam down their parallel soft haze to this crazed voyaging survivor of perpetual spectrum-transcending unpredictability. voices in my head, lonely, looping around a corpus callosum cacophonously and vicariously haunting a mind torn. thoughts distant, emerging like albatrosses from a shape-shifting twilight horizon in collusion with daydreams unforeseen...intangible and flooded with torturous mysteries. reverse moonlight. inhibitions transformed by an enchanted woman wrapped in chains. lost notice floating precariously towards me stripping my sight and sound perceptions. debilitating silent longing penetrates my sanity. merciless and unwavering. what monstrous atrocity did i commit to justify this paralyzing sustained dissonance? locked inside within this musical cage i'm bound hands and feet. soaring from wanderlust music of the night to desperately seeking the empathy which possesses the black and white keys to my freedom. dream-induced liberation from this spiraling web of continuously disguised alienation. limited or no connectivity. icy treacherous roads infinitely bestow show after show with you as a no-call...no-show. desire drips slowly to nothing. playing deeply personal instrumental expositions of every aspect of my existence to no-one. night after night the lights fade my might to fight this frightening plight. sound waves of lost rhapsodies disappear in empty rooms littered with tables, chairs and the distinct aroma of various coffee beans. no ears or peers here to hear my fears which linger near. ghastly gas costs with no end in sight, restrict national expeditions of psychological and emotional solidarity. suppressed with no rest as the crest of zest looks upon me with detest. glowing rifts in the sky as far as you can see. as hard as we may try to relay anything, however important it may be, only reciprocation assures the message has been received. without you there is no reciprocity. return to sender. catastrophic catatonic correspondence cauterizations. ecstasy writhing on the side of the road. nothing more to see here. move along. subdued from eruptions of subconscious slumbers drifting elliptically and wandering deep in reveries accompanied by enfeebling revelations of attrition. nothing recognizable around this place to help me get my strength back. no visible landmarks or beacons of familiarity to reorient myself in this town i was raised in. just a soft lingering sound...drowned out before anyone notices. i can hear the helicopters approaching in the distance. as our eyes meet, the ground begins to shake. before you leave, what was it you wanted? allow me the courtesy of knowing whether or not i'll be able to see you again. do you want me to see you again? this forlorn of silence rarely bodes well. drearily you have chosen not to express what my thoughts implore. perhaps i'm destined to embrace this sweet oblivion of never-ending expatiation. exsanguinated animation begets ubiquitous desperation. what am i to tell those who choose not to listen? i will never be reduced to a fucking advertisement. who am i to persist in what i know is right, wrong AND hopeless? tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...relentless recurring inexplicable discontentment. we wish not to associate ourselves with what we find discomforting, yet there are those who surround themselves with people blue with despair and destitution simply to provide the relief of compassionate conversation. now, who rides out into the sunset to console those people? no-one. reciprocation dwindles in neglect albeit intentions being innocent and pure...such powerful absolute forces. the laws of attraction. celestial frequencies transmitted exponentially via brainwaves in the hopes that someone somewhere is listening...is there anyone receiving? love is the strongest signal you can broadcast out into the universe. reciprocity. what if your feelings are actually communication with the universe? you are what you think, not what you think you are. i feel you only want to distract me from my hurt. please, just tell me i couldn't be more wrong. i'm just doing the best that i can. nothing to keep me company while i'm alone but my thoughts and compositions. dispel this glaringly misrepresenting self-reflection i'm left to rehabilitate. if it means something to you, end the suspense! embrace the feelings you cherish or wish to nurture. physically, confined through gravitational forces. subjectively, you are the strongest transmitter in the known cosmos. scared of the demons that come for me while i sleep with their burning eyes. this is not living. this is not for me. fallen from stratospheric distorted elegance. no parachute and the oxygen is far too thin here. existing within the juxtaposition of trying to breathe when you're 30 miles up. reluctance to look foolish inhibits a lot of people from looking at things. don't be afraid to create an image of yourself that you don't want your colleagues to see...prolonged cloaked enervation slowly unveils divulgence. i miss your scintillating touch and long to nourish our lost connection. your rousing vibrations conjured paralysis pulsating throughout my body rendering me enraptured breathless and hypnotized...nonsensical verbosity thrust out into the void of nowhere and beyond. as i step outside, i fall to my knees. the smell of the breeze propelled from the seas sweeps through the trees caresses my being instilling realizations of withering aspirations past present and future. what am i doing? waiting? wanting? this is not how i wish to live my life. i will not become what this vampire precedent has tyrannically imposed on our collective unconscious. a sycophantic preconception of evolution-suppressing servitude and complacence disseminated like a terminal cancer injected remorselessly straight through my heart and piercing out the back end. i know now that until this is a universal consensus there is no hope for us. ubiquitous surveillance. have you ever wondered WHY little countries around the world have continued and will still continue to cripple us? invested foreign interests. what you feel may be the solution must be assessed and analyzed many times before possible implementation...all the while extraordinarily observant, acutely careful and sensitive of the exerted wide-spread corruption (foreign & domestic) and their alliances which will oversee (quell) any change or advocate of change which will adversely affect their power...and if i am ever to be killed, let it be known far and wide that i would never commit suicide. i've lost far too many dear friends that way...we are all indirectly suppressed. freedom is a ghost. we must recognize these historical patterns of mutilation and amend what powers the evil in our world. we must open ourselves up to embark on the grandest and most perplexing questions in existence without the burdens of fear, prejudice or persecution. it's the unspoken responsibility of modern-day free thinkers.
if you do not speak, you may be concealed...though while hidden, what voice have you to express what you feel to others? limitlessly and passionately seeking a telepathy instructor and/or a professor of precognition, nocturnal sessions preferred. cryptesthesia be my navigation through the variations of asphyxiation within this never-ending web of floccinaucinihilipilification. disconnected and torn asunder we levitate when the moon ripples through the clouds at night. only falling for you. glistening luminescence, please illuminate my fleeting luster. transiently rapturous. floating cocoons. relinquishing apprehension & surrendering to regretfulness for tenderness. you are all i need...
***** it's been nearly a year since my last entry & this may be my final blog...seeing as this 'myspace' is far from being my own space; in light of its intentional and strategic imperceptibility as a profiling mechanism which has successfully undermined all its users. whether or not that was the original intention, remains unknown. probably not, but corporate expropriation of ownership should make your alarm bells go off as to why they wouldn't rest or pay any price, until they obtained control of the influx of this information. think. now, comparable to the equivalent of a federal ncic file (without specifics i.e. addresses, family info, etc.), it's filled out by you with pictures, music, videos, personal information...unknown or not to the implications. accessible to anyone around the globe. routinely updated terra-databases. sounds morbid and conspiratorially insipid, yes? their specialty. it's what they benefit from (internet activity databasing, surveillance hoarding, financial digitalization proposals, radio frequency identification cards/chips [all new US passports/driver's licenses], perpetuated mass constituent deception/misdirection/demoralization, etc.) and will continue to use, for as long as we complacently refuse to believe that these atrocities on democracy are perpetrated unbeknownst to us and with no concern for humanity. you can't simultaneously oppose the war and support the troops. that's called, 'having your brain AND washing it, too'. what's so tangible about an electronic ballot? conceptually & literally. please, allow my amplifier to help wake you up. that's called, 'consigning to gerrymandering'. internal election-rigging software confirmed at the electronic voting precincts in florida 2000 & ohio 2004 with current elections being decided with states, undecided. it's your DUTY to recognize these universally proliferating 'spindoctrinations' & not be fooled. this nearly silent switch of ownership to corporate entities and the depraved vested interests which they're subordinate to, intricately (ingeniously) places all users in a vastly and anonymously monitored network which flourishes on its status as a clandestine entity. it doesn't reason. it doesn't empathize. it won't be transparent. it will do what it's designed to do on or off of your radar. identifying the functions of entities as a consensus, not only highlights subliminal characteristics, but helps to reveal the purpose of its operations through consequential consideration. how would one who is pathologically complicit in corruption react when someone (anyone) would publicly acknowledge any secret associations within their subterfuge? the word, 'secrecy' is repugnant in a free society. unrestrained development and nurturing of declassified subject matter would (might) lead to (not in order): implication, explanation, detailed affirmation of the affiliations' operations/disclosure of the functioning dysfunctionalities, contrition and eventual rehabilitation. usually, rats fleeing a sinking ship constitute justification for investigation. enough of my dry and manically depressing yakitty-chatter. i will be playing shows for those of you who truly, actively seek out and listen to the music which defines the lives of the artists, themselves. there is nothing more pure to us. when properly actuated, it's the only thing which can never be corrupted. it will live forever and never be forgotten...