Those who I love dearly...

Kyle Parkinson -

Thoughsometimes I question your love and devotion. I know deep inside that you love me and would do anything for me, you have proven it many times. This does not discount the many times I feel like strangleing you, but all around I should give you more credit then I do. Oh yeah and I do love you for more then your uhm yeah "little friend".  You are a good guy with a good heart, just different then me and sometimes that is hard to understand. But I do love you deeply, my adorable red head. *kiss* 

Jan  Kruse  -

Well Jan you are by far one of my most favorite people. I wish I could spend every moment with you, and anyone who knows me knows while I have moments of desireing lots of time with a person, for the most part that gets old, and I do not like to spend copious amounts of time with anyone, besides my daughter. So Jan, I love you for your heart and soul. You make me laugh and smile all the time. I can never seem to get you out of my head and heart. You are a perfect angel and I adore you. *menno*

Benn Ra  -

Though we do not speak often. I truelly value your friendship. You have always been there for me and been completely unconditional in your friendship. Lets not mention how much you make me laugh. I forever will treasure your friendship.

Xavier  - 

Well Xavi you are my little munchkin, so kind and sweet. You are family to me, truelly a gem. Someone I will forever know. So adorable and beautiful, you are innocent and refreshing. You have such a pure heart and soul, and that I adore about you, and well you are the only person aside from family that I let call me Mandy. It is cute when you say it, everyone else must die, and Mandy is fighting words basically. So I adore you for being such a pure soul.

David Mayer  -

You will likely never read this, but I love you for so many reasons, you are my very best friend. You put up with a lot of crap from me, I was very mean, yet you put up with it. You taught me a lot about myself and how to treat people, friendships, love, life, etc. You have been a great teacher and a loyal ally. Though sometimes I am annoyed by you and your military career, I know that you truelly love me and will forever be there for me. Even if war and the army keeps you physically far from me, you never will leave my side. I only wish you stayed a civilian, but had you done that I likely would still have been mean to you and never learned the things that I have, as well as known how wonderful you and your love truelly are.

Laura

You have always been so kind. When things were very shitty in my life, you went way out of your way to make sure I was ok. You have such an amazing kindness and genuine concern, I am so greatful for you.

Dani  (east LA)

I am greatful for your kindness upon my return from San Diego and time in Long Beach for one month. I am greatful to you and your mom for all of your help and support, without you guys I would never have gotten as far as I have since then. I still have a lot of work to do, but that was a very low point in my life when I really needed a friend and support and you and your mom and family were there for me. I forever will treasure and value that deeply.

Keith

You have always been supportive, and generous, and kind. You give so much more then you get back from people. You are a kind and amazing person. I am so greatful to know you. There are so many things that are great about you that I could be here forever. But I have the flu so I want to make this quick.

Gina

Oh how I miss you, one of my best female friends. You my dear are fun, beautiful and sweet. I miss you so much and want you back in Cali. You and I have shared a lot of similar things that very few people could ever relate to. You make me feel like it is ok to be me, and that you too have been through many of the things I have. We share a very similar life experience and soul. Though we live our experiences 3,000 miles apart from one another now. You have always been a great friend, and I love you dearly, you truelly are my sister from a different family. Besides we are both serious Europhiles. (for those who do not know, do not confuse this with any other Phile issue. It is Euro-Phile. We have an unusually strong and sick fascination with Europeans, they are amazing, gorgeous and their accents ahhh are wonderful.

My sons adoptive parents

I shall not say your name. I am not sure if you read these, but if you ever find this, know that I love you and respect you both so much. More then anyone I have ever met. You are perfect parents for my son, and more then I ever could have dreamed of. I am so greatful and look foward to the day that we can again share conversations and hugs and so on. When that time comes though the roles will be reversed, I will be the one who was once in your shoes as adoptive parents. We share an amazing bond, and expereince, one I never hoped to face. But I did and only with your support and love was I able to make the best descision in my entire life. Only with people like you have I seen things for what they are and dreamed things I never imagined were possible. You truelly are a miricle to me, and to our wonderful son. Keep him well and love him a little more just for me.

Many others are out there, but I have a terriable cold and should get rest so I can try to work tomorrow. But This will be added to. I posted this in hopes that the people included in here know how I feel. And so others may too express how they feel and why. It is very important that you express everything in your heart mind and soul, let people know exactly how you feel, all the time, as you may never get that chance again.

To those who have passed into a differnet realm

Leigh, Tony, Vadim, Jesse, etc, you all mean a lot to me. Jesse was a good friend, got consumed by drugs and turned into someone I hated at the time of her death, but looking back, her and I had fun, and she was a smart and cool person. 

Vadim   Oh you my dear I will never get over. You loved me more then I have ever been loved. But I doubted you as well as so much. Distance killed us, but that is part of life. I am so greatful for knowing you and learning so much. I never will feel alone because people like you, Bart Skwarczynski, Neal Larson, Tim Burke, etc existed at one point in my life. The people we spoke of who forever change your outlook on life and better you as a person. You taught me so much and brought me closer to so many people. I forever will think of you and love and miss you. Even in all the bad, I am still so very very greatful for knowing you. Thank you so much for being so real and true, there will never be anyone like you.

Tony   My first close friend to die, I was so young, we both were. But you showed me a relationship with your mother that I admired. You showed me a lot of things about family bonds and being a good person. I was 14 when you died, so there was not much time that we had. But being so young, in a club scene you always looked out for me, I felt you really did care about me as a person, I miss you and have never forgotten about you. I play your image over and over again in my mind, and still have magazine atricles about you, tucked in a box. The paper is crumpleing, yellow and fading, but you will never fade from my heart and mind.

Leigh    Ahh Leigh was one like David who fought for my attention and I likely would not have been the aggressor. Leigh was always the perfect gentleman, always kind and generous to the ladies, but not a womaniser. Leigh was funny and dedicated. Someone who woul drop everything to go help any friend in need. He was talented, a hard worker, a great guy. He brought Nina and Chris togeather, who are still togeather after so many years. Leigh was amazing, and a protector. I have a very treasured photo of me and Leigh, when I was about 18 or 19. He was pretty strong and had large arms, and he hugged me in this photo and it looked as it he were craddleing a delicate flower, something so precious. He was my protector, in so many ways. That photo was just an example of it. Leigh shared a lot with me, and was so excited about so many things. He had a lot of love and wisdom. I forever will love and miss Leigh as he taught me the value of perseverance, dedication, loyalty and hard work.

There are many more to leave mention to, but again I am tired and have a bad cold, and so on. But this is just to note those who mean a lot to me. If you are not on here it does not mean I do not care or care less, it just means I have not gotten around to you, or hmm perhaps do not know what to say. But if you think you should be here, you likely should. If not then, it just means you do not mean a lot to me. It does not mean I do not care or hate you, it just means I am indifferent or have not figured out your importance in my life and so on.