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Category: Music
A comic that I work with is into kids... little ones, not just 18ish year olds that we bump into on the road. I will save his name to protect his identity, I will just call him Joe F. hmmmm I guess that could be a bit less sketchy... how about J. Fontenot... or even Joe Fondletot, just so we know that this guys identiy is safe... because he is a raging chimo, he just hangs out in my van for the fuck of it, and asks to be called "his majesty" when we are talking to him... he does however always have jolly ranchers... a big plus! If you don't think this J. Fontnot is a real guy just google him, where in which you will find that before becoming a comic he pitched in the majors for the florida Marlins. and now he pitches jokes to adults and tootsie rolls to unsuspecting children. PS thanks Dennis for the joke that I flagrently stole from you and used in my blog, I owe ya one buddy... we both know I will never get square with you, but hey at least I can pretend to give a shit! (yay)Something happened last week that is so shocking that it rocked the very foundation of my life and changed the world as I see it FOR GOOD! Something so shocking it actually got my lazy ass to blog!
To set the stage for what the shit is going on I take you back to the year 1998, Summer is in full swing, Joe Fontnot is losing is 7th game as a starter and is run out of the bigs forever... As this is happening, I hear a new song on the radio, from a band I have never heard before... Which is ultra fucking rare to begin with!
So I spring into action and do what I do best, I stalk the song and band on the internet... ok I get a few mailing adresses and a phone number to boot...
That is really not part of my story, just something that keeps me warm at night. The point is the band is called Barenaked Ladies, and they will hold the spot as my favorite band until... well until forever probably!
I buy all their stuff I wait patiently for all their new albums, I see them live, the first concert I have ever been to that didn't feature a high school brass ensemble.... but I digress...whatever that means, they were a team and nothing could separate them... or so I thought
you thought wrong fatty! HAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAH... this is no laughing matter other personality, I don't need you fucking this up right now!
Then on the internet like nothing happened I read on the official BNL website that Steve Page has left the band...
Que the demons and suffering, as we (me and my other personality) are about to destroy this hell you call earth to make way for SUPER UBER MEGA BAD SUCKY UNFUN NOT HAPPYTIMES HELL!!!1 OF DOOM!
May all that remains for you hellspawn that made him leave suffer a fate of bad teeth and internet arguements for all of time, may you be forced to a fate worse than a 3rd Bush term
May all things in this world that you love shit in your grapenuts and may all things that you hate in this world merge together into the most terrifying hentai inspired 394209384 dicked tenticle rape demon swoop down upon you and convert you from a proud and strong man... into a whining sack of anal devistation; and shame! further more may what you call going to the bathroom be called "taking a blood and semen" and not taking a shit.... what I am saying is I love steve page and you people are fucking my world up and I will HAVE MY JUISTICE!!and if, if, IF, anyone suggests that this is his doing and not the work of the conspiricy to fuck my life up I will also shit in your grapenuts... since you probably wont notice...tbh
So to Steve, I don't know what those bad people told you, but please just one MORE ALBUM, just at least a heads up and call it a game, thats fine all good things come to and end... except the watchmen movie... holy shit that fucker was long... back to the point, just let us know it's time to leave... don't go! and if you heedith my call not... well then this earth and the people who inhabit it shall suffer muhahaahahahahahahahahaha...
I can't actually do anything about it, but a BNL album without you is punishment enough, this fragile world does NOT deserve that.
Hi, my sweet advanced reader, I did a show in seelah washington at carmens comedy club... really sweet gig, a long drive and all but not bad all things considered... oh and
ee are so gonna steal Carmens cat, it's this little fucker named Bandit she is cute and fuzzy and Joe loves her, and when the Lady that runs this pretty damn cool comedy club least expects it... BAM! We jet out of Selah Washington... home of the treetop apple fields, heavy one bandit... ITS GONNA HAPPEN BABY!!, and bandit gets to travel 300 miles without being in a backpack... long story... like this tangent... Joe gets a cat, I get to steal, and Ron gets to sleep the whole damn trip... everyone wins! Oh, and to the people that cant see this , this should fuck them(the petty non advanced reader) up nicely , it pays to pay attention!Carmens Comedy Club... RANDOM!
I did a show there, it was fun!
So I was talking about this to the gamble, and he gave me some wise insight; I told him, that I was going to have to buy new BNL albums in the future and new Steve Page albums in the future and that was going to be double what I normally spend on music, and he said, "no you are just going to have to download new BNL and Steve Page albums"... That dude is wise beyond his years!
on that note I am now 29 of those year things... and boy are my knees reminding me of that, anyone who wants to trade knees, leeme know!
COME BACK STEVE! without you the are just a really good BNL cover band!
Will
PS Joe isn't actually a pedobear, I just told him that if he kept hassling me about putting out a new blog I was going to tell everyone that he was into kids... I can only hope I don't get beaten with a backward baseball hat for my actions!
The brave one...
Will
1:11 PM
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