I dont have commitment issues you have perceptual problem..., it seems to be a crime lately to be a single male :| you must be either gay, a player or a jerk. Most people that know me know I'm not really a girl friend type of guy simply because I find it a waste of time and emotions to spend it with someone I don't see myself long term with (I can feel the connection almost immediately, can I be classified as picky?), and to be honest I may come across as outgoing/extroverted but I've always been more of an introvert/shy person (specially with woman...you'd be surprised to know I'm quite terrified of them as they seem so complicated, even blush, studder and get sweaty palms around them)...once I get comfortable I do become crazily outgoing but thats with the rare handful of people I really get to connect with, I consider the rest of my friends acquaintances (fun to be around and hang out with but nothing more than that), maybe its just because I'm a complex character (I think of it as a scrunched piece of paper...if your flat the wind can take you, but if your srunched, you compact yourself into ball of weight).I don't enjoy being in big groups as much as one on one's...I do admit I'm a loner, even if I'm in big crowds of people I still live in my own little world but everyone respects it and I often bring them into my dream world as well, I didn't have my little brother till I was 12 so growing up traveling so much meant I had to spend most of the time having adult conversations or on my own, exploring places and having my adventures, living out fantasies, imagining I'm fighting historical battles like Alexander The Great's (which I admit I still do sometimes), setting up traps around the house/hiding from people or making tree houses in the forest (like in the Bridge to Terabithia movie), I relate most things to movies (its easier to make a point with general knowledge everyone knows) so I'd say a character that resembles me the most is Amelie.I truly believe you have to become friends with yourself before you become friends with anyone else, if you don't like/love yourself, how do you expect others to do so from friends to meaningful partners? Always keep in mind that you can be alone, but that doesn't mean your lonely, you can however be surrounded by big crowds of friends and family yet feel extremely lonely at the same time.

I know some people wouldn't be able to even dream of being without their friends but I can't imagine depending on others to make me happy, I know my friends are there when I need them (the same way I'm there for them) and if their not well there not really friends are they and I can make some new ones as I'm lucky enough to be the kind of person who gets along with everyone simply because I adapt easily around different personalities, I say adapt because theres basically two types of people and you can find out what type you are right now, this is a little experiment a psychology professor I met taught me (found it later in the Quirkology book), lift up the hand you write with and draw a Q on your forehead with your index finger, now remember towards what eye you drew the Q's tail as it's important. Are you done? If you drew it to the right it means the Q's facing you and your an open type of person, mostly honest, nice, straight forward and thats the majority of the population (around 75%).Now If you drew the Q's tail towards the left eye it means its facing the people who look at you, it shows somewhat a considerate personality, deviousness, sometimes deceitful, generally likable, fear of upseting feelings and able to control your emotions (a lot of actors are lefties as they have to work from a the audiences point of view), I'm one of the lefties ;).

The reason why I'm single I believe is because I'm hard to please, while growing up visiting the world I saw many beautiful things but also many horrible ones making me extremely mature at a young age but never allowing me to fully grow up giving me this weird personality balance where I can relate to mature people as well as playful/childish ones (which isn't bad...Einstein for example had an extremely playful/curious mind which helped him discover many things) but never find someone who fulfills both sides without losing their innocence (sounds Michael Jacksonish :S, but I see it as the ultimate quality, why are kids so happy? their innocence.., they have no ego to make them bitter, they are nurturing/excited about anything, have an open curious mind to learn everything and of course imagination...knowledge is limited but your imagination can be infinite.).Having a g/f requires some commitment/responsibility which I'm fine with but it's surely not about being gay, jerk or playa haha, very far from playa contrary to what everyone thinks, the countdown on my profile isn't a joke, I'm still a virgin and looking forward towards selling my V plates on ebay in a few years to some cougar (Ellen Macpherson give me a call). I can make a joke out of pretty much any topic as I lack respect for most things (life should be one big laugh) so I think this is the only thing I took seriously (although the priest's probably think its cause of the abstinence pledge they made me sign), most guys lose it with who ever offers first but every girl always complains about not waiting (yet giggle when they find out your a virgin :|) I decided to wait (I find it respectful towards my future partner and yes its bit old fashioned, but it's worth it to avoid confusing a fling with something special), I'm probably losing years of valuable experience but I never understood the whole experience thing anyway, why would I want someone with experience when I can meet someone special that hasn't flirted or been screwed by half the city and learn together with her?...sounds much more romantic than being polyamorous which seems so primitive/animalistic humping anyone you can for "fun" with no purpose of creating a deeper bond in the relationship, I think what strengthens relationships is to experience first things together (sex, marriage, kids, traveling, house) plus they'll be many things to catch up on :P. 'Oh but don't you want to take me for a test drive? :)' she said, 'do you come with a 5 year warranty?' I asked 'ohh thats right your not a car... :|'. I do think it's quite overrated though, we give it so much importance, theres so many things to life other than that (I get the irony of life starting with it..), then against most peoples lifes are full of routine so I guess its a cheap short thrill they use escape reality or it can be beautiful deep experience where two loving souls unite & become one for a few moments (more like a couple of minutes lets be honest...), but either way, who cares what I think...all this is coming from a virgin...and after all, sex is like air...it's not important unless you aren't getting any...I've never tried it so I can't miss it.

If virgins were good enough for the Gods when the old tribes sacrificed them, they can be good enough for me right? would be rather hypocritical expect to meet a virgin without being one myself...but with the sluttyness of modern times I guess I'll have to hang around jr high schools and give out virginity conservation pamphlets 'here you go...please keep your virginity' then wait some 5 years for them to become legal...I'm kidding lol...:| .Don't get me wrong, I get it...women have become more liberated in recent years and their enjoying every moment of it, problem is...if we become so liberal about everything theres nothing that remains intimate or special, even the "I love you" is losing all meaning as it's thrown around with such ease and rarely with feeling (I yet haven't said it).Apart from that I think the whole liberation is a very positive thing in the world, I've always thought women were much more stronger than men physically and mentally, sure we have our outbursts of strength but women have perseverance/consistency in the long run and I bet no guy could manage to handle carrying a growing life inside them for 9 months or push it out for that matter, we'd freak out, but it's proven women are more efficient at work and also, theres way more mentally ill men in the world than women.Isn't it weird that young people can't wait to get older and (with a combination of curiosity) find sex as the fastest way to that goal (yet the simple fact they want to be older shows their immaturity believing age makes things simpler)? But then if you sit down and listen to the older people...they dream about being young again, I guess the grass really is greener on the other side but in a way its applying yet contradicting the, live and enjoy the present moment philosophy which I'll go into in another blog.

Why do you prefer virgins you may ask? A few years ago someone said I was as weird/rare as a unicorn...and the whole mythology behind unicorns is only a virgin tamer would be able to conquer their heart someday, but being thought of as unicorn is gay =|. I know many think you shouldn't judge people by their past but I believe life is like a series of rooms each with four doors all interconnected, and the room your in right now (mine) is all dependant on the room/environment you were stuck in before and who you were stuck in with, I cant judge your passed but I can judge you ability to make decisions to know which door you chose (and mistakes it brung) to get into my room, and if I'd like you there and we get along, which door we can choose together to go into to the next room.Virgins have this innocence/purity appeal to them, they say the 'good things come to those who wait' but I just think it's the leftovers from the people that got there first :S. I personally dont like leftovers, it leaves scars...some seem bitter and there's always going to be some comparisons, and my main concern is that if the person made the mistake once of not only giving themselves mentally but also physically to someone....what remains special for you? everything else was already given to someone else before you including the so called "love" they have which they also had for the previous person so what is stopping the whole relationship from having the same fate as their previous one? Thats why physical love should be saved for the person your certain is the one so you can demonstrate it to them by saying "here is something I have never given anyone before to show you that you are 'the chosen one' (hehe lord of the rings) and I trust our love will never end". I guess I'm also an idealist in this area, where I've always thought I'm only going to fall in love once...the idea of finding someone your crazy about, showing them your true self and them accepting you would be like giving them the key to your heart, so how could you get around the idea that after they've looked inside of your heart...you brake up for some reason, take away their key and give it to someone else? =|...or are there extra copies of that key? and if you gave the extra key to the second person...wouldn't the first person still have the first key and therefore access to your heart at any time? (I guess what I mean is how can you stop loving someone after having done so with all your heart?), you could probably change the lock to your heart to get a new single key...but wouldn't that mean you change yourself in the process (become more bitter)? sorry for all the metaphors but my head processes stuff better that way.Either way I find it funny how when you brake up the other person says "You will never find anyone like me again!", I wouldn't be able to help myself but answer "I sure hope so...if it didn't work out with you, why would I want someone like you?"
I never liked being second to anything/one but thats just another of my stupid ideologies, rationally speaking, being the second (third, forth ect..) love would allow you to perceptually contrast yourself better to their previous bf by comparison and the girl would end up appreciating you way more than someone who never experienced a broken heart.It might also have to do with the shy thing, virgins tend to be a bit more shy and I find shy people much more interesting...outgoing ones are what you see is what you get in most cases but shy people have mystery and usually are more sensible (which is the main reason why they are shy).

Shyness is seen as such a bad thing in society as it stops your from being a 'productive, active member of the community', but I see it has its own special beauty..., the less human interaction people have, the more time they spend with themselves and develop other qualities.For me it helped me in my skills of day dreaming, creativeness, inner reflection, observation, analytical thinking, knowledge of your own strengths, self reliance (to not ask others for help), compassionate/considerate/polite with others and most importantly...you become a good listener which allows you to learn more about people and therefore become a better judge of character.History can be your best teacher sometimes...many writers, philosophers, musicians, artists and sensible individuals were all introverts, while the biggest example of extroverts are politicians.
The attraction of shy friendships or relationships is simple, some people relate shyness to being non-assertive, stupid or socially anxious but when a shy person brakes down their barrier walls and lets you in, it's the ultimate demonstration of trust someone can give you, and if your shy too and return the favor...you both enter this special bond/world only the two of you share in the most secluded intimacy and you'll never find a more loyal/considerate companion than a shy person as your one of the few people they feel knows, understands and accepts them, which honestly...I'd prefer to have only one person that makes me feel that way and give my full 100% undivided attention too, than a 1,000 "friends" taking up my time for a few simple laughs and a 'good time'.


I found out a few weeks ago my mates have a prize pool for who ever tempts me into getting laid lol there so desperate they hired me a hooker for my 18th (there goes a grand well spent), she was really interesting and sweet (told me pineapple juice changes the flavor of her clients semen :S, who knew?), we spent all night chatting (I told her I found the idea of sex something funny and that you'd giggle while doing but saw many people take it more as a serious selfsishly pleassurable act), watching movies (Donnie Darko) and built a pillow fort :| (she asked me if I was gay...). Funny thing is none of my mates have a girl friend or the ones that do have one, have it out of fear of being alone, I don't think I could be like them and jump from one person to another scared of committing to someone, most of them feel committing could end up in something serious like marriage and eventually kids which would take away all their travelling, adventures (freedom) and force them to be more responsible/mature (which to any guy sounds a bit intimidating), in most relationships thats the case but it rather depends on the type of people, if you really want something nothing can stop you, I mentioned I traveled a lot...thats because my parents (well I call them parents their actually my grandparents) were from the hippy era and never seem to grow out of it lol so I was dragged along in all their adventures and travels :) we moved around like gypsies.

Personality traits like warm, sweet hearted, sense of humor ect.. is of course is one of the most important things in a partner, but sharing opinions/values is essential...like finding the other version of yourself/best friend but with boobs like Homer Simpson wisely put it, In my case I sometimes feel loved by people for who I can be due to intelligence, humor, looks or whatever the reason rather than who I actually am right now, just look at my profile...its full of all these crazy comments :S, the more people say I'm something the less I believe it if that makes any sense...I could believe I'm found interesting/handsome by some people some of the time, but when its more than that and people pass a certain point...they lose all credibility as it seems to be more of a sheep effect where they follow the comments/opinions of their previous peers without believing it themselves.Thats why I am infatuated with simple girls that aren't ambitious about those superficial things, rough diamonds with potential are more exciting to find out what they might become.And the same way women have a jerk effect attraction (attracted to the strong, confident/cocky men for future healthy offsprings)...I think us men have our own version of that, or at least I do, when whenever I see a girl I find myself unconsciously wondering if they have any visible maternal instincts.

I believe there's two main types of beauty (lots in between), the ones that are attracted to the strong and powerful things, eg: women who like muscly guys, guys and car engines, rock music and then theres the people like me who are infatuated by the delicacy and fragility of things like nature, people (specially babies), classical music and so forth.When it comes to looks it's complicated, your physical appearance is only your means of transport for your true self, it's like a shell, I can change the way I look but it will never change (though it might influence, depends on your vanity) my true character/soul, then again, it's not like looks don't matter at all (my definition of good looks is the symmetry of facial features in distance and proportion)...they play a big role, I'm not saying you have to find a pretty vintage beauty (Megan Fox, Monica Bellucci) but there's always a feature of the other person you feel physically attracted to: the eyes, lips, smile, complexion ect...At the risk of sounding superficial, when you meet someone your attracted to, you give them more importance putting more effort into finding out their personality than you would with someone your not, although I've met plenty of normal looking girls that have an awesome personality and strangely enough that really changed my perspective of their beauty.It's like that cheesy saying: 'love isn't finding the perfect person, It's seeing the imperfect person perfectly.' or in the ideal cases finding someone who's strengths are your weaknesses and vice-versa to balance things out.

Logically speaking, I find the whole love at first sight thing impossible...how can you fall in love with someone by simply looking at them?...their exterior doesn't reflect the type of person they are inside so it would be falling in love with their looks without getting to know them (though some people have tender eyes that hypnotize you instantly), I believe thats one of the biggest problems today where we give so much importance to the looks of someone we don't really care if our personalities match or not and will keep the relationship going, it would be 23 hours and 58 minutes of arguements a day for 2 minutes of fun and 'games'.The same impossibility I would say goes for the only one soul mate for each of us...there has to be thousands out there but sometimes logic isn't useful.I guess you cant think about love logically, I've always been quite the logical thinker but I've learned in some cases it's not possible (and that is what makes love so dangerous, it has no logic to be able to protect yourself which is the main use of thinking logically), take a relationship for instance, a mathematician would say 1 soul + 1 soul = 2 souls, right? but when we talk about love it doesn't work that way, 1 + 1 = 1 joined shared soul.Reminds me of a story about a King that was going to leave his kingdom to the person who could solve a test, he got all 4 applicants and put them in a room then walked outside and put a lock on the door, 3 of them who were brilliant mathematicians started making these complex calculations to open the lock while the forth just sat there and stared at the door, after 5 mins he gets up and opens the door being the only one that realized the lock wasn't actually locked...shows you that like in love, you can't use your head or logic to assume things.

What makes relationships fail? neither part is honest from the start, women marry men hoping they'll change, men marry women hoping they won't and nobody ends up happy.You can't dislike something about someone you love cause the things you don't like about that person are what have helped make that person who he/she is and thats the person you fell in love with so it would be a contradiction to try and change that person if you fell in love with those defects in the first place.First dates are basically a Masquerade ball dance....wearing masks trying to embellish yourself by stretching the truth, wearing nice clothes or makeup (I agree first impressions do count...) but I think you should be unique, if I ever go on a first date I'll probably say "okay...tell me all your defects/faults and worst qualities...mine are, I'm sometimes stubborn and lazy, opinionated, bossy, needy when I lack trust or ignored, work on weird experiments, pee around the ceramic part of the toilet so it doesn't make the Niagara Falls water splash sound, have paranoias, spontaneously get crazy ideas for activities that I classify as 'adventures' but are more like 'illegal' and I still watch Disney movies". If your totally honest about yourself from the first moment...what will they have to complain about in the future? (always leave some trivial mystery to yourself though...creates excitement) In most cases the other person will probably run away but that shows mediocrity on their behalf...a true intelligent and unique person will appreciate the idea.Do the same and see what reactions you get...
You'll eventually find a person and see them as perfect...time will pass and you'll discover they weren't so perfect after all but it depends the way you look at it, I for example find the quirks and imperfectionist of people around me wonderful...it's those imperfections that they only show around you in the intimacy of your own home that you should both share and cherish :), that you feel so vulnerable around someone you can't hide anything from them...even farts =p, you'd never do it in front of anyone else but even doing them in front of the person you trust, they still continue loving you the same way and it's like a little smelly secret you both share hahah.I love how everything always starts off so nicely, nobody wants to upset the other person so they hold back from saying (or farting) what they think (eventually leading to communication problems), they help each other out washing the dishes (don't know why it doesn't continue throughout the marriage, if each pulls their weight with chores they both get to spend more time together), hold hands and then it all disappears :S, something I find amusing is guys who are sensible around the girls when their alone but as soon as their friends show up they become all tough and cocky haha, or simply the guys who dress all machoish/tough trying to appear strong when in reality it's all just a scare away tactic kind of like a peacock to refrain others from approaching them and keep their insecurities at ease.

What seems to be a growing thing now is dating sites, I love it how everyone tries to justify why they are using those sites in their descriptions cause their embarrassed, 'oh hey y'all, I'm just here to make friends...'.I wonder if any of them have heard of myspace/facebook, where its actually FREE to make friends lol.But it's sad to see modern lifestyle has people so consumed they don't even have time for real warm human interaction anymore...makes me want to escape and live in some remote forest cabin sometimes.

Although I wouldn't use facebook, its just too perfect, no errors, every thing is working, pfftt too boring....takes away the excitement of working in chaos, nothing going to plan and losing your long messages half way through writing them like in myspace, but seriously, it's a really frigid site, every things white and the same design...as much as I hate those myspace profiles flooded with pictures, music and clips plus crappy layout coding, I think it helps people express who they are, facebook just seems too professional, plain and doesn't help you express your individuality or personality (their practically saying "Come, join us from a young age and prepare for a life of dull office desk jobs"). For me when something works well and goes to plan it becomes mundane and boring cause I can't think out of the box or improvise to fix it, its the same with facebook no matter how many fish tanks and quizzes you add.

Another of my favorite dating gimmicks is the whole sms thing, 'send YOUR NAME + YOUR PARTNER NAMES TO 133 000, and we'll tell you if it's meant to be...' haha so based on your name they can tell how compatible you are?, makes perfect sense.. wait why hasn't anyone informed me about this before? where the heck is my phone!..I'm $6 dollars away from finding true love....You know what? that service would go great with my Ab King Pro haha, am I the only one who loves those ads? you see the success stories lose weight (those before/after pics are awesome...how do we know the before pic is not really the after pic and they got a skinny person and fattened them up for the before pic?) but not only that, their biceps seem to have triplicated...so it doesn't only work your abs, it gives you muscles all around, the coolest part is where they show people working out in the gym with faces of horrible agony then cross it out with a big red X haha ("you don't have to be stupid like them and workout, just sit on your ass and we'll do it all for you") lol, you don't even need to go on a diet..the ab muscles you work out magically will be visible from under the layers of fat...don't make fun of it though, I'm soon going to have cheese grinding abs, all the neighbors wives will come and wash their clothes on them.I'm starting to see why they put these ads on late at night...your too sleepy and tired to put any thought into thinking about what their saying.

So whats the best way to meeting someone? go hang out at female prisons and wait for parolees...or if your a gold digger, go to your local hospital and linger around the doctors lounge or the lawyers car park, surely a cougar rich lady workaholic with no time for personal life will put her eye on you (if I was a lady I'd be afraid of being a cougar...you wake up next to a young guy and dont know if you got lucky or gave birth the night beforet).And if your a doctor or lawyer reading this...don't expect these guys to be too smart, I know a guy that tried this and it worked, is now married to one, one day she told him 'honey, I think our kids are spoiled!', he answered 'don't worry babe, all children smell that way.'

Thought of the day: Alrighty, last week Geff was asking me when we were going to do the whole impostor game thing again, I know last time it didn't go so smoothly lol and some of you got caught but you have to admit pretending to be casino staff for a few hours was fun :P I already have the uniforms for the next one, call me for the details ;)

I have been so lazy the last few days I haven't even gone to the shops, I found this old box of Nutrigrain half open that tastes like cardboard, might as well cut some pieces of the box and dip them in the chunky soy milk (mmm chunks) :S...I seriously need to go buy some groceries lol later,

Matholomius (sounds dorkier)

P.S: Last night it occurred to me...if a ship is sinking they have to save me cause I'm not really classified as a man...'women, children and virgins...please evacuate in life boat C3'.