The Message translation:

I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions.  Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.  It happens so regularly that it's predictable.  The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.  I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.  Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.  I've tried everything and nothing helps.  I'm at the end of my rope.  Is there no one who can do anything for me?  Isn't that the real question?

Wow and stuff.  This is me.  Thank you Jesus for showing me that I am not alone and that there is hope in YOU!!  Change my mind, change my heart, and take control.  Show me what your will is and give me the strength to obey.  Help me to use the right materials with persistence, maintain my building by regulating my thoughts, turn on the power by connecting with You, and send me the help of godly people.  I know that persistent investment on the inside will produce changes on the outside.  Make this the desire of my heart.  Strip everything else away.  Amen!

I was just going to leave this blog such as it is, but I need to add a few things I think.  This verse and message was discussed at church on Saturday night.  I went to service at 5 pm and then went to a pizza joint around 6 pm to meet up with a co-worker and some of her people to watch the Hog and Gator SEC game.  Well, not to bore you with too many details, there were two gay guys there, a "nudist", my co-worker, a lady and her son, and the co-worker's son and son's fiance.  Well, there was a lot of crazy stuff going down during the two or so hours I was there.  I had a knife pulled on me by one of the gay guys and the son (not the one with a fiance) was so drunk and happy that he was getting really friendly before the night was over. 

I realized the crazyness as it was happening, but I didn't really realize the significance until today.  One, I realized that it doesn't matter how "spiritual or religious" you think you are, you can still get sucked down by keeping bad company.  Two, I realized that it doesn't matter how well intentioned you might be because bad stuff will happen to you.  Three, I realized that if last night happened even a few months ago, I probably would have gotten stabbed, or at the least I would have taken the drunk dude up on his advances.  Four, subway at 9pm after losing the SEC game and driving the twenty miles back home is a good thing.

I'm not the best example of what everyone thinks a "Christian" should be.  I'm sure there are many of you who could look at my lifesong and say you're a flipping hypocrite honey.  And you are exactly right.  However, last night showed me something that I haven't really realized before.  It doesn't really matter what people think about you and it doesn't really matter how much you mess up, what matters is that you pick yourself up and hand the broken pieces to the only One who has you completely figured out.  I will continue to mess up, but there are things that are changing and I'm beginning to see and feel those changes. 

So for those that read this blog and roll your eyes and say yeah yeah blah blah.....imagine yourself after death, standing before divine God, and having nothing to say about what your life was about.  You might think that there is no God....but, what if you're wrong?  I'd much rather live and die for a God that doesn't exist than live and die and discover He does.

Love you guys...