In recent months, the Moustache seems to be establishing itself once again as quite the reasonable lifestyle choice for the discerning young gentleman. And not in the 80's sense - as my father once said, 'the kind of thing you had for five minutes, before you got bored of it'. No.
A cursory glance at Wikipedia's 'Moustache' page reveals a mighty list of fellow devotees to the serious 'Stache: Freddie Mercury, Ron Mael, John Waters, David Crosby, Jimi Hendrix, Phil Lynott, Lionel Richie and Otis Redding, not to mention Frank Zappa, The Beatles and Usher. All good men.
Outside of the music world, the 'Tache has proved the distinguishing feature of many a face throughout history - among them Howard Hughes, Mahatma Gandhi, Groucho Marx and Charlie Chaplin. It is also associated with the surrealist movement - most notably Salvador Dali, and in the art of Marcel Duchamp and Rene Magritte. Sadly, the Mustax has from time to time fallen into the wrong hands. Famously, the Moustakion was adopted by Hitler, Stalin and (on occasion) Mugabe, all with devastating effects to its' reputation.
More recently, Eagles of Death Metal frontman, Jesse 'The Devil' Hughes, has done much to restore public opinion, having been snapped over the past couple of years sporting a bushy ferret of a 'Tache - somewhat out of control, yet 'just-so': a perfect compliment to his bands' hoary, sexually-ambiguous rock.
There are those who let the side down, however, and it might be said that when growing a 'Tache, it is advised not to enter into proper society until possibly the 2-3 week mark, thus ensuring maximum growth and effect from your weasel (I have previously attempted to do so, with hilarious results - see 'Alex Kapranos'). Likewise, trimming is of utmost importance, and will of course dictate the shape and style of your 'Mostaccio' completely, regardless of your natural growth. On the one hand we have folks like Ron Mael and John Waters, who consistently favour the smart, modest 'pencil' style (and top her up with a little mascara from time to time, i suspect). On the other, we have career slime-bags like Fox News journalist Geraldo Rivera - who one can only guess chooses to foster what The Chap magazine called his 'Sub-Nasal Truth-Strainer' as some kind of gristly status symbol. He's a bad boy, but it takes all sorts.
As for me? Well, I've had to let nature take its' course, and I'm happy to say that a few years on, I've been blessed with ample growth from which to cultivate the desired 'Tache. Not one for the diminutive 'pencil', nor the more outlandish 'walrus', I've christened mine (in the absence of any other definition) the 'semi-horseshoe'.
So, to recap: how to immediately and totally extricate yourself from the Vice-like grip of the modern style disaster? Grow yourself a hairy one. With the right suit, you really can't go wrong. As Nick Cave put it: 'A man without a Moustache is like a woman with one'.
Why, thank you, Sir!
Thomas White